My Book Is Was My Family Really Dysfunctional?

I will take a crack at this since the new doctor I had In 2013 said I should tell my Story and he would be a ghost writer for me. Am I a Writer well lets see? I am not good at spelling or grammar,or E before I stuff Or sometimes just making a simple Paragraph make since. For now They say I have potential (@ 58 years old?) I am now a disabled veteran and have many health issues But My Doctor says someone needs to hear my story. OK so I don't think I am a good writer but maybe telling a good story.

Whats Left of a Body and soul after so many abuses and Toxic people. Title For now My Book
Oprah may not recommend this as her book of the month,and Dr Phil may throw up his hands in bewilderment But I am going to attempt to write it.
I lack formatting, punctuation, spelling etc. Thank God for Spell checker. I have no Title or name yet and actually will be writing in no specific order as this will just be my notes as I think may be pertinent. My train of thought may be jumpy from time to time but I can cut and paste. Am I important? Do people want to read about me? Are some of the Chapters Graphic ? Yes. So as of now my reason may simply be monetary value to make money and to share some interesting reading.

I was born August 15 1956 at Detroit General Hospital. From what I remember we lived on the east side of Detroit in a apartment. I have no recollection of a father figure until about 1961. (Important to explain later on ) We moved to The suburbs of Inkster Michigan, It was a brand new street called Edward Drive, Funny I can still remember my address 29541. There was only a few houses on the block but many lots were being built with new homes. Value of homes were about 15,000 to 25,000,

It was a Polish, Irish, Catholic community. Yes Dooley, Smykowskis, Longuskis, Micks and Pol-locks Jones Kendall's. You could count on one hand the non church goers. Everything Happened at St. Kevin Church. Every Sunday morning you could see your neighbors at church depending on the time you went to mass. The had High masses and low masses. All I know is a High mass was a long one and a low mass was short. Of course I always liked the short ones. If My parents had hangovers we would usually go to the last mass at 12:30.I did not like church or my suit and cute little clip on bow tie but was forced to attend and I watched my father fill out his offering of 20.00 dollars to put in the basket.

My Mother was a southern woman and worked in the insurance business and My Father was a native of Detroit and worked as a meat hauler for Lowenstien beef company on the East side. Me and My Brothers were raised by Black women, as my parents both worked.I had Black Babysitters from the time I was 2 until I reached 13 years old when we moved to the country town of Oxford Mi. For some reason it seems my family was the only one that had black babysitters. Maybe its because My parents could afford to pay them or maybe a racial problem.

My nick name was Buddy, I assume because I was a junior as my dads name was also Patrick.

My parents did use the term Niggers , they were black dirty niggers, I was always told never call a negro a ******, always be nice to them but stay away from them they were bad news. My babysitters name was Rose, She was a very large women over 300 lbs , she had a very deep scar all the way across her face and she was a very unattractive woman. My parents paid her 35.00 per week to clean house wash clothes and watch us kids. I had 2 brothers Tim and john. We were all 4 years apart. I guess I liked this woman except for when she would tell our dad when we were bad. She was also given the authority to take a switch off of the popple tree in our front yard and switch us .( Which she did a lot) She mostly sat on the couch folding clothes and watching her stories. During the morning you could here here shaking the floor with the sound of CKLW the motor cities radio station. She really got into it moving and swaying as the supremes would come on or black music.


She for some reason always had a safety pin stuck in her teeth sucking on it.and Humming to the tunes.
I could tell she had respect for my dad or mom as saying yes Sir and No mam or maybe seemed like she feared them all the time.

My dad came home by 5:00 O clock and would drive her home. I got to go with them one time and I was totally amazed at where she lived.It was across Michigan ave Nothing but Black people,My dad would make comments about where she lived to me all the time Like I am going to take you to the zoo look at all the porch moneys, boot-lips,niggers,ect. It had a long row of wooden homes or apartments with clothes hanging all over papers bottles Kids running all around. I did not know it at the time but these were the projects. When we dropped her off my dad would make remarks like look at the coon in them Bright green pants and laugh? I laughed too but wasn't sure what i was laughing at.He would always tell me if I wasn't a good boy he would make me live there.

I don't understand how my parents could belittle and ridicule these people but Trust them in our homes and with there kids.Looking back at when my friends would come over and see my Black Babysitter Rose I think I always felt shame or embarrassment,not sure why other then a lot of neighbors didn't have black help.


My parents also made us kids say yes mam and no sir. Yes please and Thank you. When company would come over we had to say hi to them then disappear, We were told we were to be seen and not heard.

The first bad abuse and beatings me and my brother Tim received was over "shit stains in our underwear" Rose told my mother and Father she would not clean shitty drawls as she called them. Everyday we came home there would be a scrub brush comet and soap in the bathroom sink along with our dirty underwear. We were made to scrub out the stains and then they were inspected. My dad gave us both a course on how to wipe your ass. He said how can you not wipe a hole this big(making a gesture with his fingers of the size of a small hole. ) Two days later we were at the bottom of the basement steps bent over with our bare asses showing and we got 3 hard slow licks with his big belt. They were not quick they had time in between them. It would usually end with us peeing all the way up the steps and running to our bedrooms whimpering. In Our home for being bad it was called "A trip to the basement steps" I had bad welt marks on my ass and legs when he missed. Also the whole neighborhood could hear us screaming but I guess it was considered normal. I could go deeper about this stain issue but will keep it brief me and my brother started throwing away our underwear and yes they found out and we were severely whipped and grounded to our rooms.

This next one is a rough one for me but needs to be included. My younger brother Tim developed a fear of pooping when Rose was at our home so he started pooping in the basement. My Mother found it told my dad and I was also asked did I know my brother did this? I lied out of extreme fear and later had to tell the truth. Tim was told if he ever did that again my dad would put his shit on a paper plate and make him eat it. We were both at the bottom of the steps we got more then 3 whacks with the belt. Me for lying and I was the older brother who should have told someone.

5-10 days later some Crap was found again and my dad did put it on a paper plate as I watched him scold my little brother and set the paper plate down in front of him and told him to eat it. I cried very hard and said no please don't and my mom in the background saying stop. He didn't have to eat it but it put terrible fear in us.

For the amount of pain we went through with beatings and mental abuse I am really surprised looking back at how we continued to get in trouble it seems anything we did got us smacked in the head kicked in the ass and humiliated around the neighbors.I had terrible embarrassment in Gym class with other kids seeing whelp marks on my ass and legs. It also amazed me Rose would tell on us but cry and tears would stream down her face as we were punished


Entry 4am Sat Notes Guidelines and Thoughts Chapters, What is it I am trying to tell people in my book? There is no doubt some bad and sad stories.Am I helping anyone by doing this book? What it was like before, what it is like now and How I would like it to be? Is it a success book? Is it a feel good book with a good ending? What readers will this story reach? Can this be a article in short form for a major magazine,to get some bites on a book company interested,Will I personally injure or hurt anyone with this book? Can I draw in a outside source Like a professional towards the end of the book? I have to also show some of the good times Like getting my first Schwinn bicycle or the built in swimming pool we had,Maybe some facts about the enjoyment I got every summer going to our cottage on Lake harwood in Three Rivers Michigan when my father stayed in the city all week and the freedom I got when he wasn't around,My Fathers death from a very bad car accident when I was 16. ( I secretly was glad he was gone even though I cried and Felt sorrow)

One Chapter About How I could be Diagnosed with PTSD for child abuse, 3 Suicide attempts in the early 90s with in house treatment At Lapeer county Hospital. 2 With Pills 1 with shotgun to mouth.Yes this will be a hard one to tell.

One chapter we be "Born Again and My Spiritual awakening " I was a bold Spreader of the word and was a heavy holy roller and even laid hands on people to heal them and they actually were healed. I went through a 4-5 year Jesus faze of getting people saved and a strong boldness of preaching and no fear of what people thought.

I will just continue where I left off at childhood with some good times included But also the most severe beating I ever got to the head and face, I have pictures becasue the next day is picture day at school.I could insert this picture in the book. I would also like to show a picture of my dad becasue of his size 6 foot 4 in and 400 lbs My Mother and father fought very bad about what he did to me and I was told to keep my mouth closed or get more.

May 20th Entry

Another Chapter will be "The Big Secret" It is necessarily to write this part so people that are helping me write this book can tie in all past and present facts of maybe why I was treated different or Did this contribute to my life style or behavior? At Age 31 I took my wife and to oldest sons to Florida to see Disney World and the sights. I had a brand new Ford Escort that I was very proud of and all my vacation pay so it was off to Florida. We Had a Good Time and upon returning we stopped in Louisville Kentucky to see Aunt Mary, This would be my Mothers oldest Sister. My Mothers family's name was "Bibb" They had a very large family. Anyways I always got along with Aunt Mary so I figured why not stop a few days and Visit. Aunt Mary Was a real Strong "Southern Baptist". I was not really into the Lord But we went along with her praying and preaching while there.The Secret is here: She told my wife Sherry while I was outside raking her yard. Pat Jr. Has another name and I am sure he has feelings or knows something is wrong or he is aware So I will tell you in confidence He had a real Father that was married to Rena Lynn Bibb my mother His name was Edgar Everett Phillips Jr. So Pats real name was Edgar Everett Phillips 3 . I think she knew my wife would not keep this a secret from me that is why she told her.So On the way home driving back to Michigan my wife told me everything my Aunt Mary told her about my adoption. My Mother was my real Blood Mother but My real fathers name was Edgar Phillips. Actually I was Excited. I found out that my Phillips family was located in La follette Tenn. I started calling anyone in the phone book that fit the description and sure enough I had 3 Aunts. They welcomed us to visit which we did quickly. I had missed My real father by 1 and a half years. He died at 58 years old. He had Many many mini strokes finally leading to his death. They gave me a bunch of his pictures and a lot of information. They took me to his Grave site. All of them family's down there seemed to have there own private cemeteries. I was amazed at the resemblance of my fathers pictures but even more amazed He was in the service like me, joined at 17 ,just like me had a tattoo of a eagle on hid right forearm same as me and also smoked Marlboro Cigarettes like me. Some of his earlier pictures when he was married to my mother look Identical to my oldest Son Nicholas,they could be twins. All my Aunts were real nice but I think they secretly thought I was gold digging or trying to get something of my fathers. I only wanted pictures and information. Well I decided to tell my mother That I knew of my adoption and oh my God It was a night mare. She said I know it was your Fucking Aunt Mary that told you and get over here right now Ill show you the paper work. I reassured her that it was OK with me and It didn't matter. She said bullshit and everything was now fucked up,why after all them years could Mary keep her fat mouth shut. Me and my wife and sons went to her house and when we got there she was totally drunk and and said here read them and then get the fuck out of here and also tell your Aunt Mary thanks for destroying my life and that she was not allowed to come to her funeral?( Come to my Funeral WTF Is That a old southern thing or something) We were estranged for many years , Sometimes invited to Christmas just so she could show off her big beautiful home and give the kids presents to clear here guilt. She rushed us out after a hour or so then they had there real Christmas party with my brothers and there families. The next year I refused to go to Christmas at Moms so She had my younger Brother John deliver presents to out home and left them at the front door.Not even a knock or Hi. This went on for many years and she had my brothers convinced to stay a way from us. I would Have evidence of this in a Future chapter From MY brother John. John Left his wife after 18 years and 1 daughter.He told everyone he was gay and now lives in Florida with various different mates. I told him on the phone I loved him and didn't care if he was Gay. He was severely shunned by My Mom His Brother Tim and his ex Wive. This conversation will be more elaborated in future writings.

Jun 1
After a 1 week rest and letting the smoke clear I have skipped even farther ahead in my book with a few more chapters
1. Alcohol is Just a Symptom Of The Disease Pat
2. Some Kinda Spiritual awakening Could it Be GOD?
3. My Mentor Terrance Mayhew, Sometimes Friends Stay Closer then Family

1. Alcohol is Just a Symptom Of The Disease Pat
I was about 22 married with my first Child Nicholas. My wife and I were visiting her parents on old east street in Oxford. I had been
experiencing problems prior to this. Panic attacks anxiety and feeling like I was Dyeing. Many trips to emergency rooms and Hospitals.
Always the same a shot and told nothing was wrong. I was always given a shot. I stopped smoking and drinking thinking I had a ulcer
or something. 6 months of abstinence , I do not know why but I sure thought it would help. Anyways while visiting, my Drunk mother comes through
the door with one 12 pack of lite beer and tells my wife honey my car is in the rode I always have a hard time parking here could you please park it?
Oh and I also Got My son a 12 pack of Pabst. My Mom left her New Big Cadillac parked right in the middle of the road with the door open. She knew I stopped drinking and smoking and kept on telling me to drink my beer and it was a bunch of Bullshit That I quit drinking. After about an hour of hearing her belittle me in front of 4 of my wife's sisters and Dad (Floyd) who was a daily drinker, I cracked a beer and lit a smoke.
Wow I felt a immediate rush to my head and also felt remorse and ashamed. How could I let someone push my buttons. Floyd loved and really respected my
mother. I think it was her business suits flashy jewelry and always buying the drinks. He just couldn't understand why I had problems with my mother.
After her leaving in a drunken stupor I was off to the races. I think I will go up to bills bar. It was a couple of blocks and I could stumble home
if I had to. My wife was pissed. Now see what that bitch did? Floyd followed me up to the bar and sat down. He was always short of money and Knew I would
Buy drinks. Mind you in this chapter it will have a few drunk a logs but it is very important to reflect back on my drinking and thinking problems. I will only
tell the worst times. Yes I had some fun drinking but not many. I later found out I was self medicating myself with booze, Continue here later this is a tough chapter to write. I want to get to the point and also keep it interesting and short and concise> If someone would help me I would share more But I need to know what you Think Thanks Patrick