Hello everyone, I am completely desperate and I'm seeking any help that can be found. Basically a week ago I was living with my girlfriend at an apartment and everything "seemed" fine. I knew she was getting depressed but she said numerous times she didn't want to go to the doctor or taky any medications. She got defensive everytime I mentioned it. I now know I have made many mistakes since our relationship began and I am paying for them. She broke up with me three days ago and I had to move out in like two hours. I love her like I have never loved anyone in my life so if her getting better ment me leaving I had to do it. She said exactly this and that she "can never be in a relationship ever" and that "it's too much responsibility". I have read books and articles about bipolar disorder and tried to be supportive and not say anything wrong (because I have many times in the past) but I guess it was just too late, she just decided she must be alone. Well, she's not alone, now she spends her time with two other roommates and finally agreed to go to the doctor. But the fact that I can't even be near her is destroying me. I want to be with her, I want to be here for her and I just want her to put some of the weight on me but when I say such things she gets almost mad and acts like I have never seen her act before. After I tried to convince her to not make this decission now she even accused me of things that didn't happen and basically said that she thinks I will start to beat her (she had an abusive father). I would rather cut off my hand than to ever hit her. But now I can just sit alone and wait for her to get better. Because she will. She is strong and awesome and I will rather suffer myself than to see her suffer. I just need to know if there is anything I can do. Or if it's usual that she would realize that this was a mistake and would want to get back together. I'm feeding myself with hope and that she didn't mean this and the stuff she said, it's the only thing helping me right now. Should I continue to do that? Because even though I feel so bad now, in a way I don't want to stop feeling like this because that would mean I don't love her anymore. And being in love with her is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
If you do get the chance to sit down and talk to her do not mention Bipolar. The reason I say this is because if she mentions that she thinks she is Bipolar to any run of the mill psych doc, that will become her diagnosis, I assure you. Then you can expect the side effects of the drugs they will try and put her on. Those drugs dull a persons thought process and if the depression gets worse can end up with that person making bad/unsafe choices at that time. What I do recommend is helping her find a good therapist. Not one that insists she sees a psychiatrist, just one that cares and listens. I am speaking from experience, Bipolar diagnosis's are bull unless absolutely positively identified as just that.
A Long Time Friend Called In Yesterday For A Chat And Told Me His 18 Year Old Daughter Had Started Cutting Herself, Was Admitted To A Clinic And They Confirmed What Her Parents Had Suspected For Many Years That She Is Bi-Polar, They Are Getting Her The Best Private Treatment So Fingers Crossed It Will Be Succesfull... Cheers Glen.
Not to be negative on this GLENGLEN but S.I. does not have any strict draw to any specific mental disorder. S.I. comes from many reasons. Also the therapy is most likely CBT which at that age has moderate success. I strongly believe to stop or at least reduce self injury treat the cause not the act. Self injury alot of times stems from anxiety or depression, treat those and the S.I. should diminish.
It might be hard to hear this, but it was probably a good idea for her to break up with you. If she's have severe mental health issues, she needs to let go of things that are creating a lot of pressure for her. A serious relationship is a lot of pressure. I'm assuming she's around your age...she's very young and it's a good time for her to focus on herself and figure out how to get to a stable place, mentally. Just wish her well, love her from a distance, she might come around when she's feeling more balanced. If not, it wasn't meant to be.
So she ends the relationship and you had to move out in two hours... and now she makes certain that you can't go near her at all.... and she says relationships are too much "responsibility" and that she fears you will beat her even though the reality is you would rather cut off your own arm than do such a thing? No part of you suspects that you are being taken for a ride?
I actually glanced over the two hours thing...but if she's very young, she has a serious mental health illness and she has a traumatic, abusive past...I don't think it's odd to assume she has had a real breakdown and needed to cut ties.
Possibility is there Honey, I agree... but also if she is young , has mental health issues and has an abusive past she could also be a cold hearted hypersexual liar. I feel like she allowed him to walk away stunned, confused and carrying lots of guilt which can be by design to keep him focused on "what did I do wrong?" while she is ahem...freeing herself of the "responsibilities of a monogamous relationship. Hence the need to cut him off totally so he can't get near her and accidently see what's really going on. I'm just saying it's possible and happens everyday.
Thanks for all the responses. I honestly think she really is going through a breakdown, I have never seen her act like this. Also she is staying with my very good friend and his sister - they were our roommates. She knows she is bipolar. She stayed in hospital for some time about four years ago and was on medications. But she also suffers from psychosomatic allergies and her liver condition is really bad that's why I didn't force her into taking medicaions at all costs. That's where it's my fault that I thought she had it under control and believed her when she told me that. There probably wasn't much I could have done but she wouldn't let me or anyway. I've read books and articles, I have a friend who also suffers from this illness and his wife basically gets him into the car and drives him to the doctor anytime it gets to a point like this. He also had tendeces to leave unexpectedly, that's why I am taking this how I am taking this. When he went to England with us he told us his family doesn't even know where he went.
She likely has a lot of baggage from having an abusive dad, and is now projecting that on to you. I wouldn't be surprised if she decided later that she wants to be together with you again, but that may be a bad thing. Her abuse history and mental health issues would likely make for a very rocky relationship. Beyond the normal heartache, are able to function without her? If you can't deal with not being in a relationship with her, there may be some dependency/co-dependency going on.
I am able to function without her I guess but it has been pretty hard lately. The first few days were a nightmare. The mix of fear, helplessness and the heartache were unbearable so I'm on some light pills now and she went to a doctor that prescribed her a six-week treatment in a hospital mainly for her eating disorder that developed together with the illness. She's pissed at me because I arranged the doctor at a hospital my mom works in. But it was quick (I called and the meeting was scheduled immediately) and I wanted to know that he wouldn't just prescribe some medications and bursh the file off his desk. But I get it, she has every right to feel whatever she feels. So now I can only hope that she will actually go to the hospital and start taking medications.
I am in love with someone who is bipolar among other things and a lot of this speaks to me. Sometimes they just turn into someone else. It's extremely painful, and I have considered throwing in the towel many times, but like you, I have never felt the way this person makes me feel before (when he is the man I fell in love with), and am having a hard time giving that up. My boyfriend has moved out of my apartment as well. I agree with him that we need space, but it is hard missing him. What I am afraid of is that we have developed a co-dependent relationship, where we need each other to be okay, even if we're not really... Maybe something you should consider examining as well. It could always just be breakup hurt, though. I don't want to minimize that either, because that is hell on wheels. Just some food for thought, though. I'm trying to get back to being my independent-don't-need-no-man-I'm-an-only-child-give-me-my-space self, but it's not like flicking a switch. It's going to take time. And in the meantime, it's going to hurt like hell. Don't think that by healing from this, it means you don't love her anymore. You will always love her. That never goes away. But don't let that stop you from healing your wounds. You need to be okay, too. It's not all about her, no matter what your instincts say. They have evolved to make you into her caretaker. And believe me dude, that's not where you want to be with someone you are romatically involved with. If you need to set up rules and boundaries to protect yourself, then that's just what you need to do, and if she loves you, she will understand that your wellbeing is just as important as hers. Sorry if any of this comes off as condescending. I'm not trying to be, but I could relate to your post so much... Wanted to offer my support. :grouphug: Keep pressing on. It will get better. You can withstand it.
