my bf upset that i have guy friends..

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by i_was_in_shroom_land, Aug 27, 2013.

  1. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    Ughhhh makes me so mad.. Is it wrong that I don't see anything wrong about having friends of the opposite sex?

    He gets mad if I go out for drinks with my guy friends.. But not my girlfriends. He's like its different.. And I'm like.. No its not.... Same shit..

    Its like he thinks that just because they're guys I'm gonna fuck them.. But no. Sry.. Doesn't work that way..

    However.. He's allowed to have chick friends.. Like wtf is up with that.. And now.. He came home and then left right away.. Not even telling me where he's going...

    At least im honest.. And I let him know what I'm up to.. But he has all these little secrets..

    Sry just an angry little rant.

    I'm typing this out of anger u guys.. lol.. Don't mind me..
  2. skitzo child

    skitzo child PEACEFUL LIBRA

    I was in the same situation with my ex man I hated she gad more guy friends
  3. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    how come? do u not trust her..
  4. skitzo child

    skitzo child PEACEFUL LIBRA

    It wasnt that she would spend more time with them rhen with me which would cause fights
  5. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    A lot of the time that kind of jealousy stems from insecurities about ones self rather than a lack of trust.

    I'm very secure in who I am, and I've never been one to be jealous. Most of the girls I'm attracted to have mostly male friends, and I kinda dig that. They can hang out with whoever they want as long as they aren't being secritive about it.

    With that being said, every girl who I've gotten serious about has cheated on me. Every single time. They take advantage of the freedom. I can see why guys can get possessive sometimes. After being burned so many times I've even considered going that route, but i figure I'll just stick to my guns and someday I'll find a chick who can appreciate what I have to offer.

    Lol one girl even told me that she cheated on me because she didn't like that I didn't get jealous when she was with guy friends. Like she wanted to see how far she had to go before I would react.
  6. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    Touchy subject.

    Can you deal with it? Is the relationship worth it?
  7. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    Put your high heel down and maintain the friendships. It is important to have friends independent of relationships regardless of what sex they are.
  8. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    Aw that's werid . but not every girl is like that. Youllvfind a good girl. But keep not being the jealous type. Jealousy is such a pointless emotion. lol.

    No can't stand it... The relationship has lasted like 5+ years so its pretty hard to end that.. But sometimes it feels like we just in it cause of how long its been.. If u get what I'm saying.. Like u know.. Been through a lot..

    Exactly! <3
    Awe.. I hear ya..
  9. skitzo child

    skitzo child PEACEFUL LIBRA

    She never wanted to spend alone time it was always lets go chil with her friends
  10. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    you should hint it at her next time.. be like.. yo.. why dont we stay in and watch a movie tonight. or something like that.. lol.
  11. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Your boyfriend is still allowed to see his female friends? WTF? Holy Double standard much? o__O

    Yeah, you should make him understand this isn't about choosing one over the other. He has no right to keep you from seeing your FRIENDS. Like LLTH has pointed out, it has to do with the lack of security toward self. When you're secure about this kind of stuff, you're chill about it. You can hang out with people of the opposite sex without having to worry about feeling like it's going to head toward a questionable direction. You feel secure in your relationship with your partner, so you feel comfortable even when you're not with your partner. I think that's generally how YOU roll, shroom_land. But that's not how your boyfriend rolls, and that causes problems.

    I have many female friends myself, so I can understand your frustration. It's important that my partner understands that, just because I have many female friends, it doesn't mean she should automatically feel threatened by their existence. In fact, I'd want my female friends and my girlfriend to be friends, too. I've been fortunate so far, though. None of my past girlfriends were really jealous types, and neither is my current girlfriend. :)
  12. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    Ya I know... He's dumb lol. He strictly believes that guys and girls cannot be juust friends..

    He thinks that there's always gonna be feelings involved.. Or some shit like that..

    And I was like.. Well how bout this girl and that girl... And he's like.. Theyre just work friends.. And they have bfs.. So that doesn't count..

    Ya I dunno.. Its stupid.. lol

    Anyway.. You're lucky ur gf not the jealous type.. Then u don't have to deal with all this bs...
  13. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    You know... Some lightly romantic feelings CAN develop but oftentimes it's a one-sided thing. And besides, just because there's some feelings involved doesn't mean two people can't just be friends, either. Sometimes(often?) those feelings alone aren't necessarily enough to turn into something else.

    My female best friend, for instance, is someone I asked out twice. I'm hanging out with a really good friend of mine next week who I had strong romantic feelings for a few years ago. I find a lot of my female friends very attractive. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my girl. My girlfriend is my girlfriend because she and I just click, like we're so compatible with each other. And she has guy friends and I'm totally cool with that.

    Now, she sometimes DOES get a little bit worried(not crazy worried, just a little bit jumpy, lol), but all she needs is reassurance that she's the girl I want. It's adorable when she's like that, you know? xD Really the key is to communicate well with your partner, and that helps build confidence and trust in your relationship. Of course, both parties must be willing to communicate on that level, or things may get a bit difficult.

    But yeah, It's great that my girlfriend understands. And that's another thing too, is that I made it a point to let her know soon after we met that a lot of my friends were female. I've always done this with girls I was interested in(actually, people I've become friends with in general, lol), because I just think it's a good idea. For me, I never really knew who I would end up dating, so felt it important to be upfront about these things with the girls I met and became friends with so as to avoid potential jealousy-driven problems.

    I hope your boyfriend realizes all this stuff, because all he's doing right now is acting based on some shitty double standards and nothing more. Hope things improve! :)
  14. Tell him its worse when you go out with your girlfriends as you are more likely to all get drunk and sleep with random guys. Thus you are less likely to cheat if you hang with your guy friends.

    Or maybe that wont work
  15. Jimmy P

    Jimmy P bastion of awesomeness

    He's probably not going to stop being jealous any time soon, if ever. If he's gotten away with being unreasonable for 5 years, why should he ever stop?

    Better decide if it's worthwhile before spending another 5 years with him. Don't think "We've been together so long, I would waste all those years," think "What if I waste even more time with someone I'm not going to end up with"
  16. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

    OK unrealistic. Association with people of the opposite sex is normal and sometimes required because of a job.

    Is he gonna always be like this if you say marry the guy? Also, how will he treat any potential daughters who have male friends; probably just as illogically setting her up for maximum rebellion in her teens.

    I suggest a frank talk and if the problem isn't solved within the time limit of 1-2 weeks. Breakup and get out of there ASAP when financial situation allows a evacuation.
  17. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    BOY, as in boyfriend is the key word , I think.
  18. unfocusedanakin

    unfocusedanakin The Archaic Revival Lifetime Supporter

    You can't turn a ho into a house wife.

    He needs to understand the qualities he likes in you will be noticed by others as well. He needs to share you.

    He is probably just worried that he will be replaced by one of the male friends. Guys can be competitive and underhanded, he is assuming your friends are going to try something. And to be honest they might, it is possible one of your male friends does like you. Maybe your bf sees that, guys can usually spot what another guy is up to. We have the same moves:). But ultimately it is up to you and a good partner should trust you.
  19. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    Wow...after 5 years, I'm not sure there's much changing that can be done. It's just up to you whether or not you continue to put up with the B.S. (because that's seriously all it is, a bunch of hypocritical BS. Guys and girls "can't be friends," yet he can still have female friends? WTF is that?). Is this something that just started recently or has he always been an ass about you having male friends?

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but that's always been something laid down on the table first thing in any relationship I've ever been in. I have an exponentially larger amount of male friends than female friends and I won't put up with petty jealousy. I'm not a jealous person (within reason, I mean, don't, you know, grab my husband's junk or put your tongue in his mouth, lol) and I can't be with someone who is.
  20. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    i dont think he started off this way... he was more relaxed sorta in the beginning... then about 3 years into the relationship thats when the jealousy started.. i dont know why..

    and same with me.. i have wayy more guy friends than girl friends.. and im not gonna stop being friends with them just cause of his jealousy issues. im not doing anything wrong.. so whatever... he's gonna have to deal with it. lol.

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