https://osbornmusic.com/jokes.html Example: Question: “Why do bagpipers walk while they play?” Answer: “They are trying to get away from the noise.”
How do you get three pipers to play in tune? Shoot two of them. "Momma, when I grow up I want to be a musician; a piper!" "Make up your mind child; you can only be one or the other, not both."
Churchill once said that the inspiration for the bagpipe came from observing a farmer carrying an asthmatic pig under his arm, but the artifice never matched the original for purity of tone.
A piper I know suffered a terrible tragedy when he accidentally left his pipes in the back of his car unlocked. When he returned, there were three more sets of pipes.
'Twas the Irish who invented the pipes, and gave them to the Scots...who never discovered the practical joke.
What's worn under the kilt? A. Nothing is worn under the kilt; everything is in perfect working order. B. Shoes. C. Are your hands warm? D. Lipstick... E. Two shades.
An octopus walks into a bar... A set of pipes were laying upon the bar, and the octopus started wrestling with them. "You gonna play those?" "Play them? If I can get their pajamas off, I'm gonna shag them!"
Great Highland pipes have four reeds. You spend half your life tuning, And the other half playing out of tune.
On D-Day, the Lovat Scouts were tasked with taking and holding Pegasus Bridge, relieving British paras dropped the night before, and now engaged in a desperate firefight. Years later at a reunion, an elderly German was telling of his utter amazement to see Bill Millin, piper to Lord Lovat, leading the commandos over the bridge into enemy fire armed only with a dudelsack. Asked why he didn't shoot him, he replied that wouldn't have been sportsman-like; clearly he was mad, having lost his wits in the fighting. The above is no joke.
Got arrested the other night. Some Karen called the cops for a guy in a skirt torturing a bag of cats.
Neighbors were banging on my door at 3:00AM! How rude! Fortunately I was already up, playing my bagpipes.
