Moving out, moving on...

Discussion in 'All in the Family' started by knotdirty, May 8, 2007.

  1. knotdirty

    knotdirty Over the Rainbow

    Okay. Finals are over, and in about 10 days I'm moving out. I'm transferring to a different college, about 9 hours away from where I live now, with my parents.

    The closer we get to moving day, the more their claws come out. I understand its hard, and my older brother's living on his own didn't work out so well. On average they were sending him $500 a month and paying his rent. I don't plan on asking for money, but they told me that they'd pay for my rent too, since they did it for him and he's moving back in.

    Okay. So they've basically been pretty quiet about the move up unti now. They've been humoring me, I guess, thinking that I wouldn't actually do it.

    There is nothing for me here. I've explained this to them. My friends live near the place I'm going (although when I move on I'm only taking one friend with me, and I'm going to live pretty far away from those friends. So my friends are NOT the reason I'm moving.) and I haven't made any lasting relationships here, even the ones I've made I don't mind leaving and keepign in touch. This school has zero art, which is important to me. The city isn't for me...

    I can't grow here. I could probably be happy and complacent, but I don't want that.


    Like I said, they're getting viscious. They're using my weaknesses against me and trying to scare me into staying here. They've withdrawn their offer to pay my rent and they're not going to pay my tuition unless I stay here. They're telling me that I can't get a job anywhere but here, because the place I'm moving isn't as big. They're attacking the girl I'm rooming with, saying that she's not a good person and that she'll be flighty. They've only been around her a handful of times. They're saying that the world is a scary place and that a woman shouldn't live alone in it. Meaning I should wait to move out until I get married.

    I don't plan on marriage. Not for a very very long time, anyway.

    They're telling me I'll fail.

    I know I have to prove them wrong, but it's so hurtful that they'd stoop this low to try and keep me here. All they do is complain about me anyway, why would I want to stay? If I did stay, there would be so much tension from this whole big thing they're making of it..

    I just need a hug. :( Haven't been getting any of those lately, either. They're usually really affectionate, and lately they've been withdrawn. Like I should feel guilty for wanting to do something selfish like grow up and move out.

    ...frustrated.
     
  2. sreed24

    sreed24 Member

    Hey,
    Consider yourself hugged.
    I don't know you and won't presume to give you any advice. But, FWIW, I am a dad. I'm just gonna speculate on how your parents might be feeling that might cause them to act as they are acting. It sounds like maybe your parents are having a hard time coping with the idea of having an empty nest. I imagine that they might feel like a whole 20 year era of their lives is ending...for 20 (or so) years a huge part of their identity has been that they are parents and they take care of you and your brother, being responsible, needed. That's hard to let go of. Also, they might feel like you leaving is a personal rejection of them, the place they live, the life they lead. In any case, they're acting like people who are hurt and scared....I know it's hard for a child to think of their parents in that way. I'm hoping maybe the way they are treating you will hurt a little less if you can look at it that way, and if my thoughts ring true you might think about whether there was anything you could do to help them know that they are still valued and needed. In any case, I wish you the best.
     
  3. Alaskan

    Alaskan Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    And a big bear hug from Alaska.
    sreed has pretty much said it about the empty nest. It was tough on us. Mom cooked like there were going to be 6 for dinner. My joke with her was, when I walked in the house I say "Jeez, I didn't know the river had flooded, because it looks like you cooking for the national guard".
    Our 2 daughters moved to the states and the 2 boys live here. Eight years now since the last one left. At first the house seemed so big and so quiet. Now it seems just right.
    During the process a lot of shit happened and a lot of things were said. But I think on our part was worry that the kids weren't prepared for the big cruel world. Guess what, their all doing fine.
    Granted in a couple of cases it's not the life-style we would choose. Our oldest son is a pack rat. He lived in a cabin on our property until he was 35.
    I lowered the boom on him, in the way of junk cars. " my feeling is if it don't run, it's junk and it's not going to be here".
    He got pissed, bought 2 acres down the road. Now he's got 24 junk cars and trucks, assorted motor cycles, boats, 3-wheelers and god knows what else.
    I'm sure your going to do just fine. Give your folks a little time to adjust and the next thing you know you'll be sitting down to a big Thanksgiving family dinner and you'll all be talking about all your new experiences.
     
  4. knotdirty

    knotdirty Over the Rainbow

    Thanks both of you. Hugs back..and you're both right.


    I'm excited. :D Tomorrow's moving day..we moved it up because I miiight have found a job. And the job's gone if I don't get there as soon as possible.

    My mom's coming to..she told me to just be patient with my dad and prove them wrong. :)

    aahhh, I'm happy.
     
  5. Alaskan

    Alaskan Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Good for you Sis:
    Your Dad will come around, you know us old farts get stubborn sometimes.
    And a word of advice my Mom gave me when I moved out, " Dont forget to put shelf paper down befor you put your dishes away, you never know what kind of crap people kept in those cupboards".
    Its funny how you remember things like that, she told me that 40 years ago.
    Good luck and let us know how its going.....Dennis....Alaskan
     
  6. knotdirty

    knotdirty Over the Rainbow

    :) My parents went and bought me some plastic bins to pack in...

    I was really touched by that. They know I prefer reusable moving stuff/storage...

    I just fought (good naturedly) with my dad over directions...he made sure I KNEW them. haha. They're freaking out because I'm going to be driving by myself. :)

    I leave in 9 hours!
     

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