Most CONFUSING Situation - pleeease help me.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by paintedsocks, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. paintedsocks

    paintedsocks Member

    today is my 2.5 year mark with my boyfriend. everything should be great, right? problem: i met a guy a while ago and we completely clicked. i found out he has fallen for me completely and is distressed over the fact that i'm not single... and in all honesty, i'm starting to believe i'm falling for him too. it's been so long since i've had that "new relationship" excitement with the butterflies and the magic and everything.. but with my current boyfriend, there's so much security. of course there are things that bother me about him, and in all honesty... i don't think i can see myself with him forever, but at the same time, i really don't know. we have such a history together and for so long our lives have revolved around each other; there's just so much security! he's always been there for me and every aspect of my life is somehow connected to him.. without him, i'd have to start all over again, and i don't know if i have it in me to do that. now.. this other guy, who i think i am truly falling for, ahhh.. there is so much about him that i absolutely love; i find him so attractive, we have so much in common, i enjoy being with him.. but that's just how it was when i first met my current boyfriend. i can't figure out what to do. maybe this is fate's way of telling me to leave my guy now and start fresh.. i mean, i'm so young.. (almost 18).. i should not be bogged down like this at such a young age; i should be experiencing and trying new things, right? but at the same time, the guy i'm with absolutely loves me and is so good to me, he'd do anything for me and truly cares for me so much. if i broke up with him for some new guy i think i might be falling for, he'd be so devastated and heartbroken that it would double the pain i felt from the separation. uughhhh... but if i stay with him, i'm not allowing myself to take a chance and experience someone new. fuck! i'm so confused.
     
  2. its your call, but it sounds like your trying to talk yourself into leaving your current bf for the other guy.you have been with your current for over two years something must be going right. secondly it just sounds like your craving for that "new relationship feeling" which goes away. its only a high you get for awhile then all relationships fall into the comfortable spot with sometimes suprises.

    but on the other hand you are young, expericing is what its about, but you really need to question your motives.
     
  3. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    I've left boyfriends for other guys a couple of times. Each time, I nit-picked the current boyfriend and exagerrate the positive in the new guy while turning a blind eye to the negatives...It's a vicious cycle. If you do it once, you'll probably keep doing it. Decide who you want to be with based on the qualities each of the guys have...separately..don't compare them...all men are different. All men contain qualities you may find ideal in a mate. My opinion should really mean nothing...I'm just giving you something to ponder, BUT since you asked what we thought. I'm going to have to say that you should stay with your current boyfriend...if you really honestly care about him. Obviously if you've been with him for two and a half years, there HAS to be something there that's keeping you with him. Don't overlook that. He sounds like a sweetheart.
     
  4. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    wow, it sounds like we're similat situations. I don't have somebody else I'm interested in, but I know how it feels to want the "new" part of a relationship. I think the same things," I'm super young, I can't see myself with him all my life, I can't even picture what 25 is going to be like, I wish it felt new and exciting"

    DO you guys live together? My man and I do and have for 2 years. It gets harder when you wake up next to them to think about leaving.

    My advice is to think about it carefully. Sure, you're young and you have all your life to settle down, but be careful you don't get into a pattern of breaking up, just for someone who will make it feel "new". Don't give up on this guy just because it's not fresh and tingly anymore. Someday if you want to settle with someone, you'll have to get over that. You don't HAVE to right now, but just don't let that mindset take over. And i wouldn't leave this guy just because it's not new anymore. Sure he's got his flaws, all guys do, but there's been SOMETHING keeping you there for 2 1/2 years. I would try to work things out first and see if you can re-spark things up a bit. You'll know when the relationship has run it's course.
     
  5. paintedsocks

    paintedsocks Member

    thanks for all your replies.. you've really helped me see this problem from other perspectives. ahh, still though, i'm quite confused. i thought about what it is that has kept me with my current guy for the past 2.5 years.. and although i do love him, i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that with him there is so much security. i mean, he would do anything for me and i know he loves me so much, and i've always been so spoiled by that feeling during the relationship.. with the new guy, he might not be so willing to do the things for me that my current guy does. but at the same time, i'm really really bothered by my current boyfriend in that, (oh by the way, we don't live together), he's 21 years old and hasn't really accomplished anything. i know this sounds so horrible of me to say.. but he's never held down a job for more than a month without quitting because he says he doesn't like to listen to "asshole bosses" (well who does? i've had many long-term part-time jobs and i'm only 17... my bosses have been assholes too but you have to start somewhere.) and he's in a program at school that he wants to drop out of, mostly because it's pointless and won't get him anywhere at all, he talks about how many problems he has with his friends but how he refuses to find new friends becuase he doesn't really consider anyone to be worth his time, he continuously whines about how -INCREDIBLY- stressed he is because of his life... (which consists of getting stoned, going to art school 3 days a week, and playing computer games), when i'm the one who goes to school for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, i'm taking all academic courses (history, geography, second languages, psychology, etc.), i work about 15-20 hours at a job i hate, volunteer at an organization here 5 hours a week, get at least 2 hours of homework a night, take piano lessons, AND have a social life. i HATE that he complains of stress.. to me. bahh. i know i shouldn't completely rag on him for all this stuff that upsets me, it's just that i don't know what's going to happen in 2 or 3 years when i want to be out on my own and i would basically have a deadbeat - albeit loving and caring - boyfriend, who can't support himself at all. ahhh... so that's the summary of the other side of things. part of me wants to stay with him so badly, give him more chances, because it's the EASY decision to make. part of me wants to throw it all away, take a chance, possibly end up making the hugest mistake of my life all for the sake of being young, being crazy, and living spontaneously. ....any feedback???
     
  6. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    So what if he's not accomplished. *shrugs* I'm 22...I still live at home...I'm going to school...I'm working a dead end job. I think you need to give him more credit. If he treats YOU right...that's all that matters, I think. Maybe he's just a lost soul, you know? Sometimes love is all you really need. And if you love him...that should be enough...and if you can list all the reason why you DO love him, then all the better.

    Good luck to you.
     
  7. Faerie

    Faerie Peachy

    Sweetie, Your 17, theres a good chance your gonna change your goals in life and there not gonna match your current boyfriend.. you started dating him as teenages, now your young adults... continuing to grow and experince... I say if your unhappy go for the other guy.. just dont cheat on your boyfriend and be upfront with him about how your feeling.. just asking says your not a full adult.. you cant decide what to do.. at some point youll know what you want and go for it no question. i say go.. (i dont mean to sound a little bitchy.. its just how it is...) Better to find out now that your unhappy then a few years down the road
     
  8. Abyle

    Abyle Member

    Here's my rule: Write down how you feel now and what needs to be worked on with you and your attitude. Work on it. Re-evaluate how you feel in six weeks. Write again. Still feel the same way despite the changes you've made? Consider switching boys.
     
  9. Professor Jumbo

    Professor Jumbo Mr. Smarty Pants

    Not being "accomplished" at 21 is really no problem. I would worry more about going out with someone who was accomplished at 21, geez. If you are "acomplished" at 21 it is because A. You are stuffy and boring, or B. Inherited it, or C. have no mind or will of your own but just do what you are told like a good little meat puppet, or D are some kind of flash-in-the-pan fad pop-idol celebrity; or perhaps all four. Blah, stay with your "dead-beat" now if he is still a dead-beat by the time he reaches say 30 or maybe even 28 or such then you have a problem.

    Oh, and dumping someone you love and who loves you for a hot-pants crush is usually a bad idea.
     
  10. paintedsocks

    paintedsocks Member

    well i actually ended the relationship. it's not because he's a dead beat, and it's not because i want to date the other guy. in fact, i think the other guy just helped me to realize that i'm 17 years old and it's important for me to be out there, having fun, experiencing things and not worrying about the types of things people in marriages worry about. i didn't mean to sound like a bitch when i ranted about how little he does, it's just that... at 21... he has no drive to get ahead at all and that frustrates me. i've always been a goal setter and i don't understand the "slack" lifestyle. i feel strange about it all. i still love him, and most likely always will - he was my first serious, long-term boyfriend; i lost my virginity to him and vice versa. we experienced amazing times together and got a taste of what felt like heaven.. but all things come to an end. it feels like it's just time to take my life in another direction, not necessarily the direction of the other guy. i enjoy my time with him, and i do like him, but is there something so wrong with being single? it's going to take some getting used to, and i know it will be hard.. obviously broken hearts only heal with time, and jumping into a new relationship is not the way to solve anything. undoubtedly, i feel sad. i already miss him and us and the way we were, but the truth is that i didn't want that forever and i was just too afraid to take the chance of ending up on my own.. and now i am. scary. but exciting. thank you all for your replies... thanks so much.
     
  11. andcrs2

    andcrs2 Senior Member

    A giant step forward...
     

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