I know a young angry tourist who went to Tibet to see an old Buddhist Master. Conversation went something like this.. Tourist: Wise Master , how should I control my bad moods and feelings of anger? Wise Master:How do you think , o learning one? Tourist:Erm by spiritual contemplation 8 hourse per day until my body leaves its mortal jail? Wise Master:hmmm , sure you wont get a bit bored? Tourist:But I should accept the boredom o Master? When you were an angry young man , how did you control your anger o Master? This is what you teach o Master? Wise Master:Hmmm for me?That was easy.I went into town , got pissed ,and beat up a little person. Tourist:So when did Master stop being angry. Master:Hmm , dunno.Maybe when I realised I could charge someone 1000 dollars a week to sit cross legged for 8 hours a day , bored out of his mind , thinking it was making him less angry....
i have. it was wonderful. but neither works for me with a toddler who's not into it. now i'm excited to get a full night's sleep.
I think we all just need to accept our moods as they come. A lot more problems happen when we're trying to fight them and people who are always in the exact same mood scare me.
Actually seriously I think meditation and stuff is extremely good. But I think they work best as part of a whole process. As for people just "embracing their moods" without reservation , I think thats a bit ridiculous.Just about every war , murder /whatever occurred cos someone said "I was only speaking my mind/acting on instinct". I always find its the people with acid tongues cry the loudest after they get a bit back.. Understanding your own psychology is a good thing tho.
when i was in choir, doing the voice exercises and chanting would put my head in a really weird place. i liked it.
You're confusing embracing your feelings vs. reacting based upon them. It's amazing to me, but a lot of people can't make that distinction. People talk about controlling their emotions when all they need is to control their actions. I remember saying that I had a sexual fantasy about my therapist, and my friend said that's "unethical." I said, "No, it's not. Acting upon that fantasy might have been unethical, but having the fantasy itself isn't."
HMm I agree with you on the distinction.But embracing feelings that are harmful to others ( and often yourself) * can* be a bad thing IMO. Suppose I dislike something someone did.Should I say "yeah I fucking hate so and so.But the fact I aint gonna batter a hole in their head means I'm a good person". Alternatively I could say "maybe it was a misunderstanding".Or "Maybe that person's just a sad tit who was bullied as a child"Or "well I did the same to them last week". I dont think its a good idea to embrace neagtive feelings just cos its the easy way out.Why not *understand* those feelings and their consquences?
lol. well, you can't deal with your negative emotions if you're so ashamed of them that you hide them away from yourself. so you have to embrace the negative emotions first, then deal with them.
Hmm , I think that actions increase emotions and vice versa. I dunno , whats locking up emotions and whats controlling em?
By not suppressing your feelings, I don't mean rationalizing them. There are no consequences to feelings other than what you feel. There are only consequences to action and rationalization. Closing yourself off to someone is an action.
Its hard to explain without examples maybe. I think emotions are *like* judgements. But I really think emotions have an effect on the way we behave. And how we improve our own self management , or otherwise
Well ok. My experience is that the feeling comes first, the judgments come (actually) as a poor attempt to rid myself of my feelings. It is one thing to feel angry ("I'm angry right now"), another thing entirely to say, "I hate xyz because-" It is one thing to feel afraid, another to say "I can't do such and such because I'm afraid." Or, alternatively, "I have to do such and such because I'm afraid or angry." What I find terribly counterproductive is to say, "I shouldn't feel this way or that." Well, guess what? It already happened. It's up to you whether you're going to experience the feeling on a conscious level or subconscious one (which is what rationalizing, re-occurring patterns are).
Feelings , actions , judgment , rejudgement.And the other person. They all create a reality or even "multiple possible realities" to a situation. Its a bit like that thing with Schroedinger's cat - if u know Quantum Physics...
It's a delicate balance, for sure, and there is no "right way." What I try to do is find a happy medium between being impulsive and being repressed. But sometimes I fail in finding that middle ground, of course. Ok. I've said enough! :cheers2:
Spoken like a Brazillian who's spent a long time in AMerica maybe In Britain , people don't tend to use the word "repressed".Its like how things have a different meaning to other cultures. Its like how Italians have the word "sympatico" , Russians dont believe in smiling thro "politeness" much , etc etc I knew an Italian in business who'd always shout.So I did the same.He didnt like it because "for Italians shouting was normal , but British people are polite and reserved". So I said yeah "like when we beat you all up at Milan Train Station in the England -Italy game" ( Ok a career in the diplomatic corps *doesnt* beckon..)
Yeah, that is a whole another interesting topic of discussion: the physical expression of feelings and communicating feelings. I find that it helps to express my feelings physically, and to communicate them honestly. Frowning and saying, "I feel angry because of what you did" is better to me than pretending otherwise or chastising yourself for feeling that way. Sometimes my body is very alive and communicative, sometimes deadpan. And I can be happy in both modes depending on the moment.
