since i have no one to talk to in real life at this present time, these are all the problems that are going through my head, if anyone cares... ok, so some of you know that i just lost my scholarship. that's a pretty big deal for me. this means that two things can happen with my life at this point in time. if my teachers are sympathetic enough, they will remove those failing grades from my record, then maybe i can get my scholarship back. this would call for a total change in my life because if that were to happen, i wouldn't get another chance if i were to fuck it up. it would be like a message from god or something. i could continue with my education and be content. but if i don't get it back, i've been thinking about taking the road to hippiedom... . if there is such a thing. things are way too stressful in my life right now. college in general is too stressed out. i want to try to live the stress-free lifestyle, try that out for a while and see how it goes. i think i want to move out of miami. the sooner the better... somewhere up north maybe, like NYC. because, if you think about it like i'm thinking about it... i don't need a degree to do what i want to do. i don't need to spend $15,000 in loans each year to play in a band. schooling and education is all well and good, and in no way am i advocating dropping out of school... but i'm starting to think that it's really not for me. in other words, i don't need it to get the career choice that i want. so all i need to do i think, is tell my mother that i'm looking to start over. maybe she'll fund me for the first part, until i can get my feet on the ground in my new place, and just start rebuilding my life. but i won't know for sure about the scholarship for another week or so... i'm just so confused, i wish i weren't so lonely and i had someone to speak to about this. but if you read through all this drama, i applaud you.