Mental anguish dealing with someone's death.

Thank you Pete for your wonderful share of personal grief and loss. Very touching to the heart.

 

Only Just Saw This.......Tis Beautiful......Thank You So Much.............



Cheers Glen.

 

Just like Glen i only read this today..what can i say,Pete...i was in the same situation then you in 2008 when my wife came home from shopping on August 18th..she was on the couch while i was on the P.C.nearby...i thought she fell asleep..no sound,no noise,just eyes closed..it was 8 p.m...at 9 p.m i touched her face and she did not move anymore..she died peacefully..doc told me heart failure..i turned into a shock...the difference with you and Misty and me/my wife is the fact i could not say that last word or hold her hand..and that's a pain forever in my heart...it's a wound that must heal slowly...10 years went by...I carry on...life can be hard,but when it is we know what love,human values and friendships mean..I wish you strenght and courage,Pete... take care,mate
P.S...Misty lives further on in your heart...
Tiger

 

My condolences to your wife Tiger.
Thank you for sharing that personal story and for your support.

 

Wow guys these stories bring both sadness and happyness... i'm sorry for your losses and happy for the love you had.

 

I just took care of Misty's last outstanding medical bills with a pathology provider. It was some tests not covered by insurance. Couple thousand dollars total.

I sent the pathologist a death certificate and did some talking. The outstanding bills were declared cleared and no payment necessary.
This financial burden was a relief for me, but I realize that this is a pretty good reason why medical costs are so high, because of stuff like this.

I've called all of the magazine subscriptions misty had, to tell them to stop sending these publications because she was deceased. I simply gave them the special code on the back of the mag and the publications came to a halt.

I'm virtually only getting mail with only my name on it. Just a few 1 or 2 pieces of mail with Misty's name on it a week.

Sirius XM was a chore, they just wouldn't cancel the overdue contract already on automatic renew. I had to go from the first person I talked with to the supervisor. Had to tell them my wife is deceased 2x before they ended the contract. Maybe the supervisor was the only one who could authorize a contract termination.

When I voted at my little town voting station. As I approached the registry books and the volunteer at the desk, I gave her my last name and first with address. I could see the book from upside down and I saw my name right away. I looked above and below my name and Misty's name was gone. It was a bitter sweet moment. Sad because she was gone forever off the voter register but pleased that her identity is been expunged from govt records and documents.

Spectrum internet provider is still sending me bills for an internet connection that was in Misty's name and her employers name. I'm almost done dealing with that $78 bill.

Misty's Facebook account was deleted. Everything gone.

I went to Walgreens to pick up a Rx for myself. I asked them if Misty was still active and had a file in the their system. Walgreens said yes , she is. I told them to please delete it, she's deceased. I went back a few weeks later and doubled checked. Walgreens said, yes her file is deleted.

I've called some of her other doctors ( dental and eye) not linked to the hospital system to tell them Misty is deceased and to delete her file. I just dont want her good name being used for fraudulent medical claims or identification theft.

I've been selling our belongings like crazy, donating clothing to shelters and people in need. I'm getting rid of everything but pictures, videos and one or two special items. If I could snap my fingers and make everything in the house disappear I would.

In the new year I need to start my life over with another special person, not like Misty, but a woman I can love with the kinda love I gave Misty.


Deep breath..... here comes Christmas and New Year's.......

I'll get through this.

 

Yes, you will, Champ and we're all right here to help if you need it.

 

Damn

What a beautiful love

Eh that's all I have to say

Damn



A lot of people won't get to experience love like that. At least you had that.
Small comfort, I know....
And I'm not going to lie....brought tears to my eyes.
I hope only good things await you in 2019.

 

Just read your post, such a love! Gotta say my eyes got watery. You truly are an exceptional person. You were one of the first to greet me here one HF, just months after you lost your love.

Carry on, she wants you to do that. Somehow I know you will. Plus you got a honey do list.

I am amazed at how much one has to do post death.

 

If my marriage sustains with the kind of love you both had together, I’ll be so grateful. Your story is beautiful and so are you, Pete. (((Hug)))

 

You brought tears to my eyes this morning Pete

Wishing you peace and happiness in the New Year

 

You seem like an incredible guy, Pete. The bits of you I have seen through this website are an inspiration, truly.

 

Pete is.........well saintly. He could teach Mother Theresa a thing or two.

Saint Peter the Dragon

 

My grief counselor sent me this link.

How to Deal with Grief During the Holidays

1. Trust that Grief is Part of Healing
I do trust that grieving when it happens, just let it happen, get it out, I feel better afterwards.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries
I am setting safe and healthy boundaries. I stay away from television, and the radio. I just watch YouTube's and dvd/blu ray movies.

3. Focus on What You Can Control
I do this every day by the hour or every few hours. If something gets gloomy, I'll think about my 4 golden retrievers or my dancing steps and routine. Focus on positive and let the negative environment be background static.

4. Plan Ahead
I've already made plans to be with friends Christmas Eve, Christmas day with family and New Year's Eve with friends.

5. Allow Yourself to Feel a Range of Emotions.
I let it all happen, laughter, griefing, loneliness, being spontaneous, anxiety, hopefulness.

6. Find a Way to Honor Your Memories
I light a candle on occasions, look at pictures, think about all the times we had.

7. Create New Traditions
I need to work on this, it's hard to come up with something new. Misty and I did everything we could traditionally.

8. Do Something Kind for Others
This one is the easiest, I've been doing this for decades.

9. Ask for Help
I have been more than ever before. Friends on hf, friends irl, family, neighbors, support groups, and grief counseling.


I'm on a good road right now. The best way I can think of my anxiety level with the upcoming holiday's is , it a long hallway of buzzing, stinging bees and bee hives. On the other side is a clearing. I just have to hold my breath and quickly sprint through it. A few stings, no biggie.....just get through to the 2019 sunny blue sky.

 

Thank you everyone, all these replies made my day.

 

❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

Still getting mail like this. Stings a double whammy when it has the big bold message above her name. My little voice answers:

Yeah.........You and me both.......

 

It takes a long time for that stuff to stop... Not much you can do about it either.

 

That sucks a lot indeed! Can't you or somebody else close to you end that shit with one call? Should be the case if they hear the reason...

I saw instances where people had to take it to great lengths though... Nuts!

 

: (
Sorry. I hate that stuff like that will just come with no warning, no care about how you're doing that day or what else is going on. Wish you didn't have to deal with that.