Mental anguish dealing with someone's death.

Facing my wife Misty's death was a mentally exhausting experience for me. I witnessed for the first time, a human, one that I loved so dearly, no longer had physical life but was now a pure life force that surrounded me.

Our journey together:

Misty and I had a long talk 3 weeks before she passed. In that discussion, I asked her if she wanted me to join her after her death, take my own life. She said absolutely not. Misty told me that after she's gone not to walk or jog but to run after starting a new life and to meet that special someone again.

Misty said to gather enough memories to fit into a medium storage tote/bin and when I want to see her belongings, pictures and deeply remember her, just open it and be with her. She said get rid of everything else. Burn her socks, underwear , lingerie, sleepwear, work out clothes and scatter those clothing ashes in the back yard. (She didn't want those personal items of clothing donated or in a land fill). Donate her other clothing to shelters and her "make up" to battered women's saftey centers. Take down all pictures of us/her in the house and put them in "her" tote/bin. Her beautiful wigs and lymphedema sleeves, donate to the cancer survivors help locations.

Misty gave me a list of jobs she wants finished that we never got to. Flooring in our bedroom, flooring in the guest bedroom, Renovate the tub enclosure upstairs and completely redo remodel the basement bathroom. Put a fireplace in the basement as well. Misty said that would keep me busy for awhile, she will be watching my progress and would be knocking stuff off of tables if I got to be a couch potato. Misty told me to get back into my boxing workout and eating health again, not to drink alcohol excessively or do drugs. First thing "Dispose of the morphine and pain killers immediately!!!"

She told me find someone to be with sooner than later, life is so short, I'm 45, don't waste a second, grieve her a short time and move on. Misty couldn't stress that enough. She said she'd help me find the right girl for me.

Misty's health really fell apart a week later. I needed to be at her side every minute. To and from everything, car rides, doctor visits, bathroom, bathing and bed.

On May 31st, Misty told me she didn't want to go see any more doctors, get anymore fluids, or see anymore people in general. She just wanted me at her side and to call the hospice nurse. I was crushed, but I understood completely. It was time, she wanted to leave for a better place.

On Saturday June 2nd I had everything set up in the living room. The hospital bed, oxygen tank and compressor, walker, wheel chair, komode. I had shower chair set up in the tub. I bathed her, gave her nice clean clothes, clean bedding and pillows.

I followed all the directions on her medications. Morphine, and relaxants I gave her continuously.

The morning Monday June 4th Misty's pain was hard to control. She wasn't making sense, talking erratically. I called the hospice nurse to come over to the house quickly. I held misty in my arms as she went in and out of consciousness. I cried to her and told her "Misty I love you so much"..... In reply, Misty's last words to me were spoken in pain, body shaking, trembling, and lips quivering "I love you too!"

She then fell into a trance like state where she never spoke again, just clenched both of her fists on her chest and moaned.

The hospice nurse arrived half hour later and started to administer high doses of morphine at 15 min intervals for 2 hours. Then 30 min intervals for an hour. Finally Misty relaxed her hands and arms to her lap, and wasn't moaning anymore. The nurse told me that she wasn't in any more pain and that she was relaxed and calm. The nurse also said that it won't be very long, she's about to go soon and in peace.

An hour later, Misty's breathing was shallow , slow and at times stopped.

I just knew something was about to happen........

I held her hand and kept whispering "it's ok to leave me..... I love you.... I love you.." it's ok........ go see your dad...... go see your grandpa...go see our babies, Go see Angel, Amber, Autumn and Athena...... I love you so so much".

Misty took one last breath, exhaled..........then nothing but peace and quiet .........my Misty left this grounded Earth forever.

I will forever miss you.....

Monday, June 4th at 850pm.
I started on my new mental journey physically alone, but her spirit will always be with me.

 

I cant express how much I love that she left you with a honey do list

You guys had a truly great love <3

 

Ain't gonna lie Pete you brought tears to my eyes with that. I too have been down the road of losin' the people I cared the most about in my life, those accounts were on my ol' profile under Perfect Disorder, but I'm not here to talk about me.

To be clear there's nothin' I can say that'll come anywhere near what you've experienced personally. Just here to let you know that I can relate to the sorrow & to say that at least you know she went in peace, that she had accepted it. My thoughts are with you brother.

 

You're a strong man, Pete.

 

Beautiful, I can tell how much you two loved one another. If you ever need to talk just send me a pm man.

 

This was truly touching, brought tears to me eyes, Pete. Misty sounded like an amazing woman.

 

True love shown. It's fortunate you got to be her last remembrance. It's obvious she was a wonderful person full of love for you.

 

Don't know what to say, man... Take care.

 

((Strong hugs))....I read this and teared up quite a bit, Pete. That humbled me and made me appreciate my
Wife being here even more! I don't think I could keep it together if anything happens to her. That's hard to
deal with, and a lot harder to deal with than most people can image. I commend you again for your strength and
sharing those last moments with Misty with us. Though extremely sad, it was the most beautiful post I've read in a long time. It hits home because you're our HF brother! Work on Misty's "to-do list". She left that for a good reason, and it's because she knows you'll need those things to keep your mind occupied. Damn, she loved you!
We love you Pete!
((Strong hugs)) again!

 

Pete
Thank you for trusting us to share this deeply personal and sad news. I am so sorry for your loss. Misty was definitely a special lady. I always admired you for going with her every step of the way. Many of us will never know a love like yours.

Remember to take care of yourself.

 

Thanks for having the courage to share your story Pete. You two are blessed to discover each other.

Good luck in your new chapter in life.

 

She was lucky to have you, Pete. As I've said to you, you're one of the last true gentlemen left.

Misty sounds like she was an amazing woman. She's passed on, yet she's still bossing you around and giving you a honey do list. I like her style.

Your love for her not only brought tears to my eyes, but gave me hop and a standard to live up to. I hope my marriage is at least half as special as yours clearly was.


Holler if you need anything, friend. I got you

 

This made me cry. I just lost my grandma on the 18th of June and she was the most important person in my life who I loved more than anyone else in the world. I held her hand as she passed too. I have been feeling so empty and today has been really bad. But reading your post helped me weirdly. I guess it kinda makes me feel less alone in my sadness. I hope that maybe you will feel less alone now too. My thoughts are with you and I wish you so much peace. ❤️

 

Thank you all so much for your responses, likes and PM's. It's the healing power of friendship and support that gets me to and through the next day.

I'm in a way better place than I was a month ago, and thanks to all these good vibs today.......I'm feeling even better.

Thank you

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I cried reading this, it’s a beautiful post, Pete. Grief is hard, but the love you both had for each other is inspiring. <3

 

I can't believe I just saw this... @Pete's Draggin' this has to be the most special, most humbling account of a couple's love and the death of one that I've ever read.

Even though you know I knew of Misty's passing, this still brought (lots of) tears to my eyes. She was undoubtedly one of the true good people.

I'm so very very glad that y'all apparently believe in there being "more" after this physical life in the flesh, for I most assuredly believe that. You know you will see her again, as you will see those babies you spoke to her of. But it'll be when it's time...

Please know that I think of you, and wish only the best. It sounds like you've come a long way on the honey-do list. I'm sure Misty is very proud of you...

 

Pete, you know my heart has been with you . I hope I stressed that to you in my pm to you...that if there is anything I can do, to please let me know.

I did not know the specifics until your beautifully written piece here......though.....

She wants you to live on....live a healthy life style and meet another love someday.....

The love you two had together was a true love, real...one that breaks all dimensions......and she knew how much you loved her...i am sure.....as w e alll know it here.

again...my heart is with you during this time.

 

We've got you, Pete.

 

I have put this poem on this forum before. Someone sent it to me when my mom died...and it comforted me...somehow....I hope that it comforts you now.

Famous bereavement poem written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in the 1930s. It says that the people you love are all around you.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)