For any guy out there that thinks it's scorching hot to have their wife or long-term girlfriend have a boyfriend / "friend with benefits" ………. what are the attractions of it? What are your driving forces? For those that have a sparse, skimpy sex life with your lady, is it a turn-on to think of her jump-starting her drive? Awakening her from the "dead" - sex-wise? Or is it a matter of your love lives being boring? The need for spice? Or do you love her so much, you want to see her have more sexy fun and enjoyment/variety?
My wife had several sex partners in college at the same time we were committed to each other. These were purely physical relationships for fun. After we had been married a few years, she was being hit on by men at work and other places. I asked her if she missed the variety,and she said "no," but without a convincing tone. So I told her that I trusted her to have fun with others with no strings attached. A couple of opportunities arose, and she had some fun, but then decided not to do it any more. That was 25 years ago, and it had absolutely no impact on our relationship. It might not work so well for others.
The Attractions were a band that backed Elvis Costello. Just kidding. I like whip-smart women with a dark sense of humor and adventure. I don't give a shit what she looks like. Her personality will grip me.
^^^^ How does this tie into the attraction of having a wife or girlfriend who has a "friend with benefits" ??
For me, I think the turn on is knowing that she is totally free sexually to enjoy all the physical pleasure of sex, whether another man or women. Does it really matter who is licking her pussy and clit? As long as it’s getting the attention it craves. I feel like so many women are holding back from complete and full sexual satisfaction and pleasure based on societies pressures to be ‘normal’, monogamous, a good girl. I think most guys want a ‘bad’ girl. Complete sexual freedom I guess is the turn on for me. So many women seem to have ‘hang ups’ about this or that, all in their mind and upbringing in my opinion. Just get naked, be smart and safe, but have the time of your life with as many people as you like. Culture, mainly music (just listen to a few love songs) talk about owning someone, possessing them, like they belong to you like a pair of jeans. That is so fucked up. A women is her own person. I also hate the expression other ½ or better ½. Each of us is a complete person, whole. We don’t need anyone to complete us, we’ve just been brainwashed into thinking we do. I don’t possess my wife, I have no right to attempt to control her thoughts or behaviors, same thing the other way around. We can certainly respect each other but we don’t have to control each other. That’s why I want my girl to have multiple FWBs, so she can let herself go physically and sexually to the pure pleasure.
^^^^ Thanks, Alwaysready1970, for your take on it ! I think you're right when you say guys like "bad girls." Not trashy & uncaring - but with enough "bad" to keep their spicy, "you don't own me" kind of vibe. It's a bit scary for the guys, but it adds so much to the sexual tension when the guy doesn't have her 100% "locked down." The degree of fear, sexual tension, "angst" / anxiety is elevated the more the guy is connected to & loves the woman. A guy probably wouldn't feel that "angst" after only a few dates with a woman, IMO. More opinions???
We never had a dull sex life, but she had never been with another man. She wanted to try a few things, and she knew I was with other women. So kind of her turn.
There's a sense of security in knowing someone's "yours". You're a team, and you're gonna make it together. You've both given yourselves to each other so no one has taken the other as if some kind of possession. You commit, hence the term, come what may. It's a fallacy to think this can't be true while one or both has sex with other people. You can play tennis or golf with others without it impacting your relationship, and the same is true with having sex with others. It's all in the perception, or mindset, of the beholder. To be appreciated by both, it has to be done with loving care toward the partner, not the "I'm my own person and do what I please" mindset. That just sends you your separate ways.
Nobody wants to be with a woman that is never sexual. Never masturbates. Barely wants sex. I mean, why even be with them. A long time ago, my wife asked me if I'd let her be with another man. Without a second thought, I said, "Absolutely." When she asked why I said, "I'd rather you be interested in sex and able to do something about it than you never want sex at all."
