Men discovering their "anima"

In most societies, there are big obstacles to men loving each other without conditions, and to a lesser extent, this probably applies to women loving each other. These cultural obstacles against same-sex intimacy cause all sorts of problems that most of us just sweep under the rug. In other words, these problems just become unconscious to us.

Most men feel driven to experience the pleasure of sex. It's built into our DNA. So, first when we discover masturbation, we do it on our own. Regularly. And then, when we follow mating behavior, we typically start getting it on with women.

Some men discover that they can feel intense sexual pleasure with other men, but usually they are made to feel very conflicted about that. That's one of the examples of the unconscious problem. That's the reason why so many men blow and go, why so many men almost simultaneously feel both attracted and repulsed to having sex with other men.

My first sex with another person came somewhat late, like when I was 21 or 22, and it was with an older man. It was a profound experience, not only the explosive orgasm, but also the affection we expressed for each other. Within a few weeks after that, I started having the same experiences with a woman who lived in the boarding house where I lived. This was all just starting to unfold naturally for me, despite all the cultural feedback that the homosexual experiences were unnatural.

Also, at the same time these bisexual experiences were blooming, I was getting the first hints that I, as a whole person, had both masculine and feminine characteristics. The cultural pressures were too much for me to openly admit this at the time, but I felt the stirrings. Gradually, through experiences later in life, I finally embraced this admission, and realized that it was the source of great satisfaction.

A friend in high school had told me about Carl Jung's definitions of anima and animus, but it took me a long time to understand what she was talking about. Basically, anima are unconscious feminine characteristics in men, and aminus are unconscious male characteristics in women. Jung may have described the characteristics of the two terms in a culturally biased way, but the concept itself is significant.

When men discover and embrace their anima, they tap into a source of strength and satisfaction, not the "weakness" that society generally ascribes to feminine characteristics. Discovering and embracing the anima makes a man feel fulfilled. It can greatly improve their relationships with men and women. If more men achieved this state, and if more women embraced their animus, I believe a lot of the unconscious conflict within ourselves could be resolved, leading to more cooperation and peace. People who feel less inner conflict tend to be more open to working in a cooperative way to find solutions to problems in what has become a very divisive and polarized "outer" world.

If we recognize that we humans are essentially animals that are programmed by unconscious behaviors to a great extent, we may be able to overcome negative aspects of those unconscious behaviors and work much more cooperatively to resolve problems in the world.

 

"...we humans are essentially ....programmed by unconscious behaviors to a great extent..."

Essentially Jung was, in 1800s terms, describing what we now know as the left and right hemispheres of our brain, connected by the Corpus Calosum. Rather than 'animus' and 'anima' in sexual terms, it's actually more of the different perceptions of the world by the two hemispheres. The Left side is more language, analytical, specific in its perception, the Right is non-verbal, conceptual, the whole in its perception. The inter-play, to varying degrees, creates each individual 'mind'.

 

I would not want to completely supplant the gender discussion that Jung raised by equating anima and animus with different hemispheres of the brain. A lot of people objected to Jung assigning the characteristics you described as being either male or female, and this even took place before before brain science was advanced to its current state. There is so much more involved in gender identification than those two parts of the human body. The "mind" extends beyond the right and left hemispheres of the brain.

The significant conflicts that people express about gender roles and the misunderstandings that take place between men and women indicate to me that gender is a big contributor to our unconscious behaviors as human animals. Empirically, when I experienced and expressed the femininity that society had drilled into my head was totally inappropriate for men, I paradoxically experienced wholeness and a sense of fulfillment. I did not give up being a man, and my relationships improved with both men and women. It was a healing from social conditioning, and a window in new possibilities for various societies and cultures that suffer from so much conflict and misplaced aggression.

So, I tend not to abandon the gender factor that Jung stumbled upon.

 

Of course, you make a valid point. I was just keeping things on one level for brevity's sake. Yes, there are other areas of the brain related to gender identity.

Many years ago, I worked with a fully gay guy still 'in the closet'. The other two of us guys in the dept knew and were perfectly ok with it. One evening the four of us went out to a college bar in the city and sat and talked while the younger crowd drifted in. As couples would come in we, the straights, would comment on the females. Joe would comment on the guys. I asked him what attributes he was looking for, and it turned out to be exactly the same ones we were noticing with the females! Just 180 degrees swapped. That's when I began to grasp the concept.

 

Yes, and not only other areas of the brain, but also other areas of the body. The brain is a central part of the nervous system, but not the whole show. For example, I used to feel a certain tingling in my testicles when put into a fight-or-flight situation, whereas women that happened to be with me in the same situation obviously did not experience that sensation.

But beyond glands and other internal physiology, I wonder about connections that we, as human animals, have to the nervous systems of other humans and other forms of life that affect our gender identity. I feel very masculine in certain environments and very feminine in others. I do not appear to be physiologically or psychologically independent from my environment. In other societies and cultures, this interdependence is taken for granted, whereas we live in a society that is focused on the myth of the rugged individualist.