Men can't handle trouble

Life is attempting the efficient use of energy.

 

Life is has a concern for efficient use of energy. A fish will hold in moving current
allowing food to come to them. They rarely move far horizontally or vertically across current unless they perceive the possibility of significant reward for the extra energy expended.

You may not like this, but in the energetic trade off of investment for reward, you or the relationship just doesn't appear to them to be worth it.

It is a mistake to attribute what you experience to some fundamental deficiency in gender specific response.

 

Let me start by saying that I do not oppose generalizations on principle. Even if they are generalizations about men. As long as we acknowledge the exceptions, we can also acknowledge the rule, as far as I'm concerned.

But, you're using speculation to dismiss a fact. Women initiate divorce more often than men. Period.

Until you have facts on your side that support your claim, and a good definition of what stepping up means, I think your thread title can simply be considered refuted.

I could easily speculate that the leading cause of divorce are skewed divorce/alimony/child support laws that heavily favor women. Divorce is profitable for women. And that's also cold data. And to the extent that women stay married, it's to men with higher incomes that may not justify divorce. Also a hard fact.

My subjective experience, mirrors the divorce data. Women never ever ever, talk things out. They constantly favor giving men 'the silent treatment', in my experience. They almost never take the initiative to pick up the phone when things get weird. The last chick I wanted to talk things out with, said I was interrupting her soap opera.

And I wonder if "stepping up" really means, men chasing women out as usual. Doing shit for them, and/or putting up with nagging.

While on the subject of nagging...I'm not saying that's what you do, but I certainly have more experience than I care to have with women who cannot take ownership of their feelings, and begin any conversation with the premise that men are guilty, and that they are entitled to having that man accommodate her. That's not a good starting point to any conversation, is it?

This is not the experience I have with male friends I get into arguments with. We may trade insults, and even blows. But, I do not get the sense that my male friends feel entitled to having me change to their specifications.

Chivalry, remember?

 

They probably get too tired (can't really blame them), so they go to play somewhere where they fit in better

 

i am pretty sure calgirl is just trolling and trying to get a rise out of people

 

In case she's not trolling, I wanted to throw something else out there.

"Talking it out" was mentioned- and I can't help but wonder why that's how you define making things better.

I used to do a lot, a lot, a lot of talking with this girl I was seeing.. Looking back, nothing was ever changed, I just said the words and figured everything was better. It wasn't, and really I was just talking to avoid actually doing anything about what I had to work on.

Plus, there's a whole list of traits specific to men and traits specific to women that are really cultural things, not an inherent gender difference. Some men won't sit and have long discussions because they know where that goes- everything becomes a discussion, and the same problems come up again and again. Sometimes it's better to just shut up and do what ya gotta do.

 

Women have a tendency to see issues and emotional disruption where there is no such thing. a LOT

 

women are the naggers.generally speaking men aren't naggers.

 

Not trolling. It's an observation. Men don't easily understand. That's ok with them. Yet trouble arrives often, and they're even less likely to try and understand. Usually they think they are being talked TO, and not talked WITH.

 

am i the only one reading this with irish inflection?

 

whats dose that mean rolly? the inflection bit!

 

This post illustrates the way most women communicate. Claim that there's a problem and then beat around the bush without ever getting to the point. Then take offense and make generalizations because "men don't understand".

I was always the last to know when any of my relationships went sour. EVERY TIME. When problems arose, did they come to talk to me about it first? No. First they let the problem fester for months. They hash it over with their girlfriends, families and co-workers. They dissect the supposed issue until every angle is exhausted and everyone agrees with them. Because they only get one side of the issue. When in reality, that issue may only exist for her. Meanwhile, I think things are fine and dandy.

Only then did they bring it up with me, in a roundabout way. Because every woman I've ever known has wanted me to guess her thoughts and read her mind. And every single one acted surprised, hurt and got pouty when I have no idea what just hit me. Now the ship is three quarters sunk and I'm the asshole because it's too late to save it. Even though I had no idea because they were hiding the leaks.

This brings up another issue in the way women deal with relationships. Every woman talks of all the compromise that has to be done to make a relationship work. That compromise is a one way street. The man does all the compromising to suit the woman. He'll make changes to himself and his hopes and dreams, for good or ill. The woman just picks out the drapes.

 

I shall break my self-imposed rule about not posting in threads where thedope has posted, because I'm sorry calgirl, but that is the most arrant nonsense.

Men understand fine when they are treated as adults. The touble is, women treat us as either children, or as super-humans with psychic powers.

Example.

What's wrong honey?

Nothing

from which the man is supposed to deduce that she's had a fight with her mother.

How do I look in these pants?

The proper response from the man is suicide. Nothing can be said that will not inflame the woman.


or, the child treatment.

Don't wear that shirt/hat/whatever

You're driving too fast/slow

I hate the way you make love (without offering anything positive).

Women don't say what they mean. Unless it is to criticise.

yes, they are generalisations, but you started it.

 

what word do you get if you change the a in naggers to another vowel?

....so if a nice innocent irish lass says ''naggers'' it could conceivably sound like that other word to a dumb canadian with a vivd imagination and a habit of adding in accents or inflection to other peoples posts in his own twisted head


obviously i realize you dont use that other horrible word


we still buds?:love:

 

ha! ha! i get ya now rolly. no i most certainly would not.can't stand the sight or sound a that word.theres a word gypsys get called to thats starts with a k thats a horrible word to.but i just put all them words down ta ignorance an hateful racism. a nagger is someone that keeps naggin' someone else over nothin. like a complainer.:love:

 

I have no problem with women being found guilty of flaws that damage relationship. Nor am I bothered by generalities. While some may find them irritating, there are truths in all of them.

To include a specific as indirectly requested by a poster, here is one: decision making. Apparently for me it's easier than for said man. In efforts to assist said man, its too tough. So he runs.

 

Calgirl, sometimes running is the smart thing to do.

Take me. I'm a karate black belt, but if 20 bikers with knives and bats threatened me, I'd break 9 seconds for the 100 metres.

And so it is with women and men. Sometimes running is not only smart, it is the bravest option. Staying and fighting often isn't worth it.

(except for you. I'd stay for that)

 

It's not "stay" only. It's about the courage to face it. (I'd face it for you too!)

 

this whole paragraph is a generality about generalities... had it been done on purpose it would be quite clever... unknowingly doing it would be quite the opposite[imo]

i'm unclear about what ''runs'' even means....like break up?
...or just become a dick and fuck off to the bar for the night?

men[me] dont always perceive forced decision making as helpful or necessary and some [me] would consider it meddling


try and be even more vague

 

Facing it isn't a one-off occurrence. You stop giving a fuck when the 6 297th time you ask what's wrong is STILL not answered.

Ask a man what's wrong, and he'll tell you. I'm hungry, I have no money, my wife is horrid, whatever. Ask a woman, and you may as well be speaking Klingon. She won't tell you, because you're meant to osmotically absorb it from her shitty moods. So, eventually...men run. Usually to the bottle.