Men and Pregnancy

Oh yeah, and I forgot to add:
When women get pregnant, they tend to worry about the emotional stuff. Men generally worry about providing for the baby. When they don't feel confident in their ability to give a child everything they feel the kid deserves, its harder for them to come to terms with the whole idea.
That, and like a few other posters said, men are not as connected with the baby as women are. Sure they can feel it kick, but to some of them, it's the same feeling as gas. It's not real to them until they see that baby.
Give your man some time. He may completely come around. Women also get that stage where they wonder if they're pregnant, think about it for a while, take the test, come to terms with it themselves...men act like life is hunky-dory and when something like this is sprung on them, sometimes they get a little shocked.

 

That's a good point and I thought about all of that too...I'm glad someone else said it

 

OMG Annie, it sounds like this wasn't planned, but congratulations--if you ever wondered what you'd be doing with your life, well now you know ;-). It will be the center of the world for you.

Don't expect much from the dad, that way if he surprises you it will be the good way.

As for names, if it's a boy I vote for Jonathan ;-).

*hugs*
J

 

well long story short with both pregnancies shane was very happy but not involved. he was scared and disgusted and weirded out by it all so he just kind of went into his own lil world (when i was pregnant with aiden) and well this time around he is trying to not be so indifferent or whatever

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33506

Sorry, couldn't resist

 

My boyfriend was just in complete shock pretty much when I told him I was pregnant. We had only been together a couple of months, and even then our relationship wasn't really solid. We had a really rough summer, we were both all over the place... so when I told him I was pregnant he really had no idea how to react. I was crying, and he was telling me that everything was going to be alright. That we would figure out what to do, and that it would all work out. He kept hinting about abortion, but I said from the beginning that I didn't think I could ever go through with it. He respected that at the time, but later gave me shit for not being more open to it, even though I really did consider it. I just knew I would never let myself forget about it If I chose to do it. Since then he's been so all over the place... I've almost completely lost my mind many many times. He freaked out for awhile, wanted me to give the baby up for adoption (which I also considered) But I knew that I wanted to raise this baby.
As the other posters have said, you just have to be strong for yourself and your baby and if he's going to be there, he will come around. If not, then you're better off without him. Thats the attitude I had to take, and thankfully I've had a wonderful family to give me the support I needed.

So for awhile he'd freak out about it, and then all of a sudden he'd be excited and happy and convinced everything was going to be ok. I'd get comfortable with him being there, and then he'd freak out and run away again. He'd go on about how he's not ready for a baby, how he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life... and I'd be devastated... then after a few weeks of hell he'd be back to normal, being supportive and telling me how much he loved me and the baby. He went back and forth for a good 6 months. It was really tough.

For the last 3 or 4 months though he's been great. We've worked on our relationship a lot, we love each other more than anything, and it seems like all of this has happened for a reason. Everything was (pretty much) perfect until yesterday. All of a sudden he is scared again, and went back to the "I never wanted this, I'm not ready for a baby..." and I really lost it. I mean we're having this baby in a few days... which is scary enough.. and now he's going to freak out on me again? after things had been so perfect for the past 4 months? We fought and cried all night about it, and now he's back to being excited. lol. I just kind of have to laugh at it at this point. I know he's just nervous and anxious that our son is going to be born soon... and he just got overwhelmed... but Its still in the back of my mind that maybe he doesn't want this... which really hurts

So to make a really long story short.. It's been a hell of a ride. But in the end it will work out the way it's meant to be, and If he's there, great. If not, you really are better off without him. You'll have a beautiful baby and lots of adventures ahead of you. It's really his loss if he doesn't want to be a part of that. And it's still really early. Give him time to let things settle in. He will more than likely go back and forth about it the whole time like my bf has, so you really need to just take care of yourself and that baby. Take his support when hes there to give it, and just let the other stuff blow over. I know how hard it is, but it's really the only way to go about it. You can't force him to feel a certain way, you just have to let him come to his own peace about it, however long that may take him. You can pm me if you want to talk. *hugs*

 

Oh my god, that last part has to be the saddest thing I've heard in a long time. If Ian EVER told me I wasn't attractive or how horrible his life was, he would be out in a heartbeat. I have enough to deal with raising children, I don't want to raise a husband as well. Ian has had his moments, times I thought there was no way we were gonna make it, but nothing quite like that.
I hope your husband is not still acting like that, and if he is you need to let him go.

As for my own family, I was 15 when I had my first kid, and her father kinda forced me into marriage with him by threatening to bail out if we didn't get married. Needless to say, that didn't last long. My second child, my son, I had him at 18, and his father acted happy but never kept a job, we lived in a trailor in his grandmother's front yard and he never did ANYTHING. he was a wanna-be wife beater...I say wanna-be because he was a real bitch ass anyway, and I'm not the type to cower in a corner while my husband whips me. Ian and I have 2 kids together, and even though he was never really supportive during either pregnancy, he wasn't that bad either. I think part of it was that I'm so needy and clingy during my pregnancies, I could sit for hours at night with my hands on my belly feeling my baby squirm around, and most men just aren't about that.

I do not regret having any of my babies, but I do hate the fact that there are 3 fathers between my 4 kids. If you don't know my story, I'm sure alot of people would think I was a total whore, out having babies by who ever is willing to knock me up. Like when I have to pick up my 3 oldest from school early, I have to give 3 different last names, and I feel really bad about it.

 

Ours wasn't a planned pregnancy either, so it wasn't anything anticipated and quite a shock when we found out I was pregnant. Neither of us had a chance to prepare mentally for the idea of being parents. My husband jumped back and forth between terrified and stressed to excited and supportive. So did I, in fact - even up until the last days of the pregnancy. I think what was hard for him was the realization that he was going ot have someone who was completely dependant on him for support, and he would have to meet a whole new level of responsibility. He was an adult for real now, and he wasn't just taking care of himself anymore. He suddenly seemed more stressed about his job, our relationship, or living situation, or car situation, everything. There were times in the pregnancy that he would go off and do childish things, like he was trying to recapture any amount of the irresponsibility of childhood he possibly could before the baby came. It would worry and frusterate me because I, being the pregnant one, wanted to see evidence that my man was going to be a dedicated father while he was busy regressing quite a few years in age.

Now we have our sweet baby boy that we both love more than we ever thought possible and realize that having him here is worth everything we experienced and so much more. My husband is so in love with his little boy that my heart swells when I see them together.