mems.IntheDirt and Prison/untitled

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by InTheFlesh, May 19, 2004.

  1. InTheFlesh

    InTheFlesh Member

    Untitled
    I'm sick of the people, all the miserable people
    what's so great about nonsense, can't we all move on
    they've all stayed human, and we are the beings
    the spirits who all, grew up to song

    Can you see me through the darkness
    move on, long gone
    more metal, just move it along

    All the wandering people, all the miserable people
    we have the answers, we're just searching for questions
    fields of grain have looked the same
    yours is evil and mine is tame
    rowing through the black waters, feeling buttons automatic-tellers.

    Prison for the blind
    Where were you when the skys fell? Where were you when the gun yelled? Were you there to see the black and red ants? Were you there to argue your stance? I heard the screaming bombs, and I saw the midnight hanging. Went to the show, saw nothing but trash, when I woke up the door was banging. When will you run for your life, when it comes to holding your neck on a knife? For years we sit in the darkness waiting for light, it's just your peers telling you what's right. I was dropped in a forest, and what did I find, I was smack dab in the middle of my mind. I was suprised at what no one else knew, all my worst fears had come true.

    Memories in the dirt
    clouds roll by
    now there's not a cloud in the sky
    they've all moved on
    and left me alone
    what is there to roll over?
    what else is there to destroy?
    I went walking in
    the forest I used to know
    there's no trees left
    sit down on the stump, oh how I'm alone
    there's not enough strings on this guitar
    to tell you of my hate
    there's not a word that defines
    how you've put me in this state.

    Critique this work please...
     
  2. XoticDivinity

    XoticDivinity Member

    I like "Prison for the Mind" best. It suprised me you were only 14yrs old. Their great to me. It's hard to not like poetry unless it is totally tasteless and corny. It comes from your inner soul. So regarldess if it rhymes,etc..It's true. You might want to try formulating them into stanza's for easier understanding and reading. Either way I think they all rock
     
  3. InTheFlesh

    InTheFlesh Member

    I always try to pick the right set up for my poems. Some of them look better if the sentences run together, and some do split up. I never arrange them like that on accident. Thank you as you being the first one to say anything about my posts.
     
  4. XoticDivinity

    XoticDivinity Member

    Heh,Ok that's cool. I know what your saying. I once wrote a poem on notebook paper and I skipped each line then when I was at the bottom of the paper I went back to the top and started from the lines I had skipped. It didn't make sense unless you knew how I wrote it so ya could read it. Either way they all rock}:O)~
     

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