Meeting My Match

I have just recently started college, and I know it's very early for me to be thinking about this, but I feel like college will be the best place to find a wife (I am male). But I have a disorder called Aspergers Syndrome, which means I am very introverted and socially awkward at times. But as far as my other qualities go, I wonder how likely I am to find my match.

The first few will be the qualities that will most decrease likelihood.
-I am an asexual male. If I marry, I want to marry for companionship, not sex. The sex won't happen, because, well, I'm asexual.
-I'm also what's known as aromantic, meaning I am repulsed by lovey-dovey things like kissing, cuddling too closely. However, holding hands I may be able to just adapt to.
These two qualities are the most likely to make it harder.

Aside from that, how likely is it that a woman my age (18 as I write this) would be at my college that would be interested in a man with these qualities:
-I dress very nicely most of the year, with a clean, ironed dress shirt, tie, vest, pressed slacks, and polished dress shoes, with trench coats for colder weather. On top of that, I go barefoot most of the summer, yes, even in public. Basically, how likely am I to meet a lady who is okay with me going barefoot everywhere in summer, and then I go 180º in the other seasons and dress it up?
-I am a musician, I play violin.
-I am helping take care of my grandma, who has Alzheimer's.
-I do not like children, therefore if she wants to have any, I won't do it because I would probably end up being a terrible father, as I might end up despising my own children. There's also the element of how to have kids that ties back in to my asexuality.

Aside from all this, is it likely that she will come to me, or am I going to have to get my crap together and go to her? See, as I said, I am not very outgoing like that. Never in a million years would I ever get the nerve to approach her.

Every time I go through all this in my head, I start thinking that with all this, it will be impossible to find a lifelong companion, especially considering the asexuality, and not many marriages can survive without sex. I'm just not sure of myself being able to find my lifelong mate given all this.

 

What woman wouldn't want a sexless relationship?

 

I don't know. I'm not a woman, so I don't really know how they think. I had the impression that both sides wanted it. But if most women don't want the sex, then that's more reassuring to me.

 

Um...hi.

 

I dont get it

You dont want sex and you dont want children. What would be the point of getting married?

 

For companionship, so I don't end up alone and bitter in my old age.

 

Sorry, we really need a sarcasm emoji.

 

I am kind of the opposite. I want sex (though probably not to the extent that most people do), but I don't really feel any need for companionship. Though I won't deny the thought of being utterly alone at some point in my life scares me to a point. I just could not see myself fulfilled or happy in a committed relationship. To me relationships are like a self-imposed imprisonment.

 

Well, I think the relationship that you describe will become attractive to some women as you both age. It seems like most older folks seek out this type of thing, and what often starts as a passionate love in youth is slowly replaced by contented companionship. While you are so young it might be difficult to find a woman who has no interest in a physical or romantic relationship, but as the years pass, so will the moment in time when sex and romance is of the utmost importance.

My guess is that you will find someone in time, but probably not in a bar or other extremely social setting where extroversion is heavily rewarded. I think there are more woman who are like you than men who share the same traits, so you have that on your side.

 

that is very good to know. But you're right, young love IS sex, but I don't want any. If a larger majority of women also don't prioritize sex, that tells me that it may be easier than I thought.

 

so why not just make some friends?

 

So you basically walk around in a suit barefoot all day lol ?

 

no, hell no. Bare feet only get worn with shorts in the summer. It's dress shoes with suits.

 

what table?

 

no I know it means what do I have to offer, but in terms of what?

 

Let me see if I understand....

You are 18
Just started college
Asexual
You seem to know exactly what you want in life
and you think the way you dress is the key factor

Dude you are 18! When I was 18 and had not clue what I wanted. Hell I will be 48 and I only know what I DO NOT WANT!

I have an 18 year old--I don't expect him to have his planned out.

Focus on college. Get established.

(sorry if too harsh)

 

You probably could find someone who thinks like you and wants the same things, I mean...you are aware of this about yourself, so maybe there's a girl out there thinking the same thing. You might change your mind someday, always good to keep an open mind, too.

 

What about finding an aspbergers woman? Maybe there is a dating site for Aspies?
Most women are going to want to have sex and touch and cuddle etc, but you never know what you will find...
Good luck!