Masturbastion over sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Jtnguyentran, Apr 11, 2013.

  1. Jtnguyentran

    Jtnguyentran Guest

    Hi I'm 21, married, have a 11 month old, and in shape.
    I felt I needed to give a little background before anything.

    Anyway, my husband and I have been together for 4 years now and ever since I was pregnant he started losing interest in having sex. I wasn't big or overweight when I was pregnant or even now. I started to get back in shape right after I had my son. And my husband still would rather look at other women and porn on his phone rather than have sex.. Is this because of me? I have tried to do anything to bring back his interest and when we do have sex he seems to just be doing it "just cause". He doesn't last very long either. We don't kiss often or hold hands, anything like that..

    Has he lost interest in me completely? Is there something I'm doing wrong? Something I can do to help him?

    I really want my relationship to work. Please help!
  2. pipgirl

    pipgirl Member

    Have you tried talking to him about this?
  3. Jtnguyentran

    Jtnguyentran Guest

    Yes I have. He says that he's still attracted to means such but he still pulls away at times. He hides the fact that he's looking at other girls and porn. He's very secretive about it and it worries me..
  4. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    How can you expect random people on the Internet to know what's going on in your husbands head? Ask him.
  5. Jtnguyentran

    Jtnguyentran Guest

    If you have nothing helpful to say, why would you even bother posting a reply? @LetLovinTakeHold
  6. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    A lot of people would have found what I said to be helpful. I realize it may have sounded rude but there are countless people like you that come in here everyday to ask us what their s/o has on their mind. Communication is extremely important in maintaining a healthy relationship, and that is the first thing you and your husband should work on.
  7. Jtnguyentran

    Jtnguyentran Guest

    I have tried to communicate my feeling about this to him and he brushes it off. I just want some insight on what might be happening or if it was my fault.
  8. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    I have got to agree with this 100 percent! I don't even get why people are with someone they can't talk to? Sounds like a lifetime of doubts and confusion to me.
  9. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    talking is fine and all. but if she cant perform like he wants her to, and hes doing all the work. fuck it, jack off its easier..
  10. Inca

    Inca Member

    If he watches porn and is refusing sex and reverting to porn instead, it sounds like he has a porn addiction. This can cause him to not last long and even erectile dysfunction. If you want this relationship to work, he must get help with his porn addiction and stop using porn completely.

    He will eventually get natural sensation back for you but it won't happen until he confronts his porn obsession. You must talk and be frank with him. If he loves you he will be willing to work through it.

    However you both married very young - you have been with him four years since 17, so what age where you when you got married? Even if you got married at 20, it is far far too young to imho - none of you have played the field much, which may raise it's ugly head (but I think the actions of your husband may already be projecting that it has raised its ugly head.)
  11. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    Masturbation over sex - sometimes it's nice just to lie completely naked on the bed & pleasure yourself thru masturbating or just touching your body all over for the feelings you get from it. Sex is just a nice way to let someone else pleasure you & enjoy it more.
  12. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    It could be something unrelated to your looks, to sex appeal, to sex at all. Perhaps you've hurt him somewhat and he's avoiding sex for that reason. Was the child wanted? Perhaps he's feeling trapped into the relationship.

    Could it be he's self-conscious, because he isn't lasting long?

    Could it be he's stressed about money matters, or stressed about being a good father? Things like that?

    I wish your young family well and good luck in finding a solution to your problem.
  13. bearded

    bearded Guest

    Maybe he has depression or he thinks he can not satisfy you? My wife had difficulties getting orgasm till her thirties (she had never masturbated before and does it still mainly with my assistance) and it was very frustrating. I have refused sex with my wife only when I was tired or really angry with her. She never says sorry even if she knows her guilt but I love her and can not be angry with her over a week. I can masturbate and I even get stronger orgasm by masturbation but I need intimacy and feel I have obligation to satisfy her sexually because I want to live with her and I know she needs me. And I feel it very exciting to watch her excitement and orgasm, it is in my opinion better than any porn.

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