Married couples - how often, how hot?

We have been married 20 + years and can't see to get out of a rut. I want passionate hot sex not regular weekly at our expected time sex.

We have had hot seasons and normal average seasons and this one is kind of just an average predictable season. Some nights it feels hot and passionate (even though the time is predictable and assumed) and other times it just feels boring and I'm ready to get it over with.

We have had very hot sex in the past! Help us get over our rut!

How often do you (married couples of 20 years) have sex? (we are monogomous). Any suggestions to spice it up?

 

Wow, well every couple is different. I would think if you start thinking out of the box, do things to spice up your sex life that would help make a change. It really doesn’t have to be kinky, but for example, when you go out to dinner, excuse yourself to go to the rest room and then come back and give your husband your panties and tell him not to order dessert, it’s at home.

 

My best advise to others is to always sleep together nude, preferably in a smaller bed than these enormous King sized beds, so that you are touching each other. This is a very good way of always leading to sex. In my own experience I liked sex 3 times a day/night and I was lucky enough to have a wife who never ever resisted my foreplay in bed. Plus we often, at weekends, had an overlong sex session that lasted as long as I could keep an erection. It was a case of the more you want to play the more you get! With my wife anyway always accomodating my needs. Another thing to keep the flames burning is to try playing with others, for a while we joined with other swingers, however my wife used to get really jealous of what I and my other partner got up to. So I suggested a threesome mfm and that worked out better for us. I can confirm with others players that introducing a stud it is extremely erotic to have a him pounding your wife! We never entertained jealousy about introducing a stud and one guy visited us regularly for 18months before he moved oversea's. I hope you get hooked onto playing with others as it will inevitably improve your sexual enjoyment whilst hubby and you go through the normal mundane marriage routines. My wife and I have been together for 47 years and still joke about the good times we had. Unfortunately over the last three years I have succumbed to old man's problem of an enlarged prostate and at 83 have retired from our sexual adventures, my wife however now refuses to find another Stud and says she only ever went along with the "sharing" to please me.
Go on give it a try and you will definitely improve your sex life. Oh and to answer your question about averages I did need to drop my weekly sex sessions through my 70's although we were having sex nightly until this prostate thing took control at 79. (My wife is Asian and 10 years younger than myself)

 

You two have got to talk! You have to sit down and tell is like it is but in a considerate manner, still you need to talk it ALL out. We have friendships outside of our immediate circle who have been married your length of time and most struggle with consistent fun sex. I hear it from the guys, my wife hears it from the ladies. They vent but seems no one steps up to fix it. Our closest friends as well as us all have great sex lives (multiple times per week) and we talk A LOT with our spouses about EVERYTHING. You have to be upfront even about the little things and especially the big things like your issues. As far as adventures, you need to be very careful and make certain you are both clear with what you both want. It's a full time partnership. For us there was a lot of give and take balancing it all out and now it just flows.

 

When we feel ourselves in a sexual rut, we do something to change the scene. Vacations are good times for us. Lynn dresses sexy and goes to bars to flirt with men while I watch. That gets both of us excited for sex. For emergency sex, we live close enough to Houston and Galveston to get a hotel room for one night and do our bar thing or something similar.

 

Well I think the main thing is variety. Do things that are out of the norm. Instead of at the same time do it at a different time different place. Also communication talk to each other about what’s going on and how to get out of it. See what each other wants and go from there

 

Or better, make him aware as you enter the restaurant that you're not wearing underwear.

So, as I read it, you still have sex but it is boring because it is predictable and routine in terms of days and times.

I hope I've got that correct.
So, does he normally initiate sex? If you leave it to him, it's no wonder it's become predictable.
Not because it's 'him' but because it's just one person. starting the ball rolling.

In my experience, when two people initiate it, neither of you knows when it will happen, which can help avoid a rut in the first place.
(RUT; such a paradoxical term in this instance. ).

I think you need to try things where you are in control of them - not controlling him but controlling (positively, for good) the situation.

Do you know when he masturbates and where?
Perhaps you can walk in on him and marvel (even if a bit put on) and start to take over?
Maybe take hold of him and drag him by his manhood to somewhere more exciting, like the garage or yard or field.

Are you able to start playing with yourself, spontaneously? What might his reaction be?
Watching a woman, no matter how familiar her body or personality may be, is a wonderful and erotic arousing sight.
That's a brave step in the beginning because if he doesn't respond as you hope, it may upset you and make you more anxious.
(That's because, unlike the first scenario, this situation won't have been in your control).

Can you share bath time?
If he's going to have a bath you could join him and wash him intimately and things may develop from that. (Again, you, controlling the situation).
If you have a bath it means he is in that position of control over whether to join you and if he doesn't join you, you may feel anxious again.

Have you thought about wearing nothing below your clothing?
Let him be reminded more often about the beauty of your shape and 'present' your arousing-for-a-man things in an odd/unusual context such that when he sees, his mind will say to him:
"Oooo, wasn't expecting that - Mmmm - BOING" type situation?

Does he like your toes and does he see them during the boring routine of daytime? Paint your nails (of you don't normally), and wear shoes or nothing on your feet so he can see them.

Don't forget, you're issue is with a predictable routine and it being boring.
So do things out of sequence, which stand out as Mmmm nice, to him, because of that out-of-sequence or out-of-expectation setting.

You've mentioned that you are monogomous. That's OK obvs. I strongly suggest, however, that you don't introduce a 3rd person to the situation as if to spice things up. You're in a pretty fragile situation and doing that may break it. So many thing to consider when trying that and it requires a very strong relationship and properly active sex life.

If I've misunderstood in some way, let me know please, clarify and then I will try again to help you.

 

Thanks for the advice and peptalk. I think we are busy and tired and neither were initiating as much. I started initiating more and surprising him. Brought back some of our fun we have had in the past... Afternoon quickies, morning blowjob after I get ready for work, snuggling up to his almost asleep self and pressing my breasts against his back, sending dirty texts.

I think he assumed I was tired and stressed (I am) so wasn't initiating, and I assumed he didn't want me anymore. When I started doing some of the above he jumped right on the train. It makes me incredibly hot to know my husband wants me.

We were able to talk about frequency, and playful foreplay (texts, quick kitchen comments), and how to keep the passion hot. We are on a good streak and I am trying to build this up. I want our sex life to be back to the point where it's a "I can't wait to get home to show you what I'm going to do to you" thing. We've been there before and I'm hoping we are heading back to that place.

 

Another example of open good communication! Thank you!

 

Just do it. The more you do it, the more you want to do it. And no, having some planned sex nights also is not a bad idea...otherwise it may never happen - and it's good to anticipate and if one of you are tired, take one for the team, it certainly doesn't take a lot of time or effort....trust me, no man is ever too tired for a blowjob.

 

So here's the deal... We are busy with lots of kids... Teens who are up all the time. The other day it felt really risky doing an afternoon quickie with all of them around. But it was so exciting feeling like we are the teens sneaking around.

He comes home tomorrow early right at dinner before heading out for late meeting.... I am tempted to say we need to talk upstairs and give him a quick BJ to send him on his way. But almost nervous to do that with all our kids downstairs. I really think incorporating more BJs throughout the week will really spice things up and I totally agree... Who would turn that down? But we are one those coules that is usually all or nothing. BJ usually leads to intercourse and 95% of the time he wants to finish there. I Think it is because he feels bad like I won't be satisfied. But honestly it is really OK and I want to do it.

 

I'm sure he would be pleased with that. Talk to him that you enjoy and get off making him happy.

Just make it a habit to go to bed at a certain time, turn the tv on and have a nice quiet gentle session...see who can cum the quietest. After a while, they won't think anything of it, they're busy with the diddle boxes. Buy them all good noise cancelling headsets. If there's a will there's a way and seems like you both are certainly willing.

 

I think you’re well on your way to getting things back on track. So just do it don’t ask or anything just take his hand pull him to the bedroom rip his pants down and start slobbering on his cock. Pretty soon he will be doing the same to you.

 

Parents being sexually active with teenagers can be a dilemma. We used an picture of us that was on the fireplace mantel. That's just an example of a signal to be used that says mommie and daddy are to be left alone. It can be anything noticeable. Place it on the floor to say mommie and daddy were not to be disturbed. There was a time we marked each date on the calendar we had sex. For over three months every date had a check mark by it. Our children knew what we were doing. We'd get the eye roll sometimes after. One time the youngest asked if I had fun. I replied that I always have fun having sex with your mother. How do you think you got here? He never said anything again. They knew that we loved each other and believe it or not they felt good and secure in our home.

Other times we left the kiddies to fend for themselves and got a hotel suite from Friday night to Sunday checkout playing a sex game we invented. We took a Monopoly board and modified it so that when you landed on a certain spot you had to draw a card and do the sex act it said to do. Each act was timed like for 15 or 30 seconds. Once one passed go there was a different card drawn. That act was done usually to orgasm. I'd cum so much over the weekend my groin was sore for several days after. We never added anybody to our bedroom. It's not that we weren't monogamous with each other all those years. She had a couple of flings years ago and I'm quite non monogamous now. But up until she got sick and her body failed her we ran the gamut of sex from one just wanting to get off (a quickie before work) to hot, sweaty, raunchy, passionate all weekend long fucking.

 

I had sex with my ex every day for two years. That didn't mean penetration, which we had maybe two or three times a week. We woke up at the same time in the morning and I used to give him a blowjob while he was having his morning coffee.
I liked it a lot, because it was mostly an expression of closeness. Like a nice way to wish a good day. For me the biggest thign was that every day started with affection and good mood. That left arguments and bad feelings off and at least we could start the day with intimacy.

 

Love it!

 

I like how you think....good day...good afternoon...good night....

 

I am almost 63 and my wife 62. Generally daily sometimes quick in the morning or longer depending on our day and mood etc. I have written before how in college she was the blow job queen and for me she still is. My fwb and fb could be porn stars with their experiences and skills but fucking my petite with with her natural blonde hair and her hot body with those 36ds will always be a turn on for me even when in bed and I look over my cock gets hard. Her tight jeans and t-shirts are always a turn on. She will blow me, let me fuck her or give me a hand job at anytime and she loves sex now as she did years ago!

 

I agree with the 'not planning it'. If you do, for at least one of the partners, it will end up about as exciting as planning a visit to the dentist.

 

If you decide to go all the way on the BJ and end with swallowing you will definitely get his attention. I guarantee that he will LOVE you for it.