Hi guys and girls, Well I must say that I have never been on this kind of forum before, but it seems to be a good way to get some things off my chest. I am a Bisexual married guy, I first discovered this when I was 15 (I am now 39), I was with my very first true love with a girl, and we had a very sexually active relationship. I was at a party that my parents were having and had snuck a few drinks when an older guy offered me oral sex. Being 15 I was pretty horny so I agreed and it resulted in my first same sex 69. That night changed my life forever, although I was still attracted to girls both physically and mentally I could not forget the thrill that I got out of taking another mans penis in my mouth and making him cum. I was hooked! This led to a life of dating girls (my main attraction), and secretly meeting this man for oral and eventually anal sex. I got married and had three children by the time I was 25, and still found the female form very stimulating, and dearly loved my first wife, but alwayd had the urge to be with men. (In saying this it was never an emotional attraction, I just wanted their hard penis!) This fact eventually ruined my first marriage, she accepted my sexuality as long as I didn't act on it. And I didn't for many, many years until I met a very sexual and horny gay guy that must have worked me out even though I wasn't "putting it out there" that I am Bi. That night I met him at his house and had the best sex that I had had in years. I decided that the marriage was going nowhere so I left my first wife and lived a pretty "celebate" life for a couple of years before meeting my current wife. Right from the start I identified to her that I am Bisexual and she told me that she was too. We watched Gay porn (both gay and lesbian) together and had an awesome sex life. I devoted myself to my beautiful wife and stayed faithful for many, many years (I bet you are thinking that there is a bit of a pattern here, you are right) until I quit my job and found myself at home alone every day for about six months. What do you think I did after a while? You got it, I started watching gay porn alone and eventually joined a gay dating site to find a guy. I was onto one, and sharing many intimate emails and photos with him and planning an rendesvous. Then, one night while surfing the net she found my profile. As you would expect, all hell broke loose. We are still together but no longer watch gay porn and she now identifies as straight (and is very homophobic). I don't blame her as I am the one who destroyed her faith in me. I adore her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her but I still have the urges and have acted on them (safely) from time to time. Am I kidding myself? How many other guys are in the situation where they totally adore a woman but crave sex with a man? Please send me your thoughts, I have not discussed this with anyone. I am ashamed at times, but other times I am Bi and proud! Thanks for reading.
The issue here is not your sexuality, as much as it is your infidelity. Bi does not mean unfaithful by nature. We all have urges - we just have to control when we act on them. Having unfulfilled urges makes it harder to resist them, of course. So unless you're able to do so, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who expects monogamy from you. If you want to stay with your wife (I don't think it will last as it stands) you need to rebuild her trust in you as a person, irrespective of your sexual preferences. Because that's what you broke, nothing else. When you address that, then you can think about where to go from there.
It does not take any great wisdom to learn out of your story. You are a bisexual guy. You can have meaningful and lasting relationship only if your wife agrees that you may have m2m sex on the side. You are NOT a monogamous person, and no matter how hard you have tried so far, you have always failed. You do not want to waste your life. Equally so, you do not want to waste the life of any of your partners. Recognize the facts for what they really are, and move on. There is someone out there (male of female) whose sexual paradigm is fully compatible with yours. Put in some courage and honesty into your search. It will work out. KD
This sounds like the same problem almost every married guy has, straight or bi. Eventually, you start seeing things you like outside the relationship, and monogamy becomes a challenge. Is it harder for bi men in a heterosexual marriage? Maybe. But that's the challenge of monogamy no matter what your sexuality is.
