Married and sexually frustrated

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Ed87, Oct 20, 2018.

  1. Twogigahz

    Twogigahz Members

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    Old three stooges joke....married or happy....
     
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  2. Varmint

    Varmint Member

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    Marriage.
     
  3. Varmint

    Varmint Member

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    If one partner is satisfied with the current situation and the other isn't, divorce will be your only option.
    Case in point:
    I once wanted more sex while my wife was quite stubbornly content with less and less. I divorced her.
    I found out years later that she was avoiding sex with her current boyfriend for a number of years.
    I informed her that she was going to keep losing men if she kept doing that, as "Nobody needs to be married or shack up to practice celibacy".

    Yeah, there is definitely a pattern to her behavior. You'll likely find the same with your wife, OP.
     
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  4. Windman

    Windman Members

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    As a guy in the same situation for decades, I feel for you. I guess where I would start is by giving as much as you can at home. Meaning giving her as much of a break as you can with the kids. They are exhausting! If she gets to the end of each day and there is nothing left, then she’s on empty and need a reprieve.
    Divorce sucks! Especially for kids. I cant tell you how many kids I’ve worked with that have divorced parents that have been profoundly impacted by it.
    Having said all of that, my experience is that the situation isn’t likely to change. Your wife either likes and has a need for sex or she doesn't. I have lived this for decades. My option like countless other men in our situation has been to turn to a bisexual lifestyle. Having sex with men is both easier to come by and a lot less complicated. Its simple with us, we want to cum. In every other capacity my wife and I are great together. But in the sex arena not so much. I found the best option for me was to go around her for sex. Is it a perfect situation? No. But it has kept us together and I no longer have this resentment toward her because I cant get sex at home. I do have guilt for doing what I do, but honestly if divorce isn’t an option for me then this is the best I have come up with.
     
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  5. Unfortunately it is a common issue after kids. Have you asked your wife to watch you masturbate? At least it would be sharing your intimate moment. Let her know you need sex more often but you want to include her during your masturbation sessions.
     
  6. wyldwynd

    wyldwynd ~*~ Super Moderator

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    Seems like that shouldn’t be an issue if you are married hmmm
     
  7. I'm not being flippant and I do understand your predicament having been thru similar me experience in.my first marriage.
     
  8. wyldwynd

    wyldwynd ~*~ Super Moderator

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    Well you should of found someone with your same potential of expectation
     
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  9. wyldwynd

    wyldwynd ~*~ Super Moderator

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    I apologize for not being more sympathetic to your situation as I am a bit feisty today now go wank off hahah I jest
     
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  10. Nemo_lover

    Nemo_lover Members

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    I have the same issue with my long-term girlfriend. She is not as sexually needy as I am and this has been frustrating. She told me to look into polyamory, and I think that I will give it a try. Complicated situations
     
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  11. RBecca

    RBecca Members

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    Yes !

    the list :


    1. Didn't we just have it last week?
    2. I can't have sex when your mother is visiting. It kills the mood.
    3. I've said that I'm full and don't feel sexy at all.
    4. My friend actually had some sort of condition that made her vagina hurt during sex. She and her bf went without it for a year. When she met another guy, her vagina miraculously started working again.
    5. Me: Ugh, I'm just so sore from that gym workout. Everything hurts. Him: I bet your mouth doesn't hurt ...
    6. The kids keep getting up and they'll just disturb us.
    7. I haven't showered.
    8. You haven't showered.
    9. Get away from me.
    10. I just had my hair done.
    11. I'm on my period. Sometimes I use this one twice in a month.
    12. I just pick a fight before bedtime.
    13. Why don't we just cuddle. That's much more romantic.
    14. It's not your birthday!
    15. You want sex and I want the dog walked. Do that with any regularity and then we can talk.
    16. Have you been drinking? I can smell the alcohol coming out of your pores and it is making me nauseated.
    17. I'm think I have bronchitis or strep or something. If I gave you a blow job, I might infect your penis.
    18. I bring up his mom. Kills his mood every time.
    19. I just watched the Walking Dead. I can't have sex after that.
    20. And of course, the before mentioned pink eye defense!
     
  12. Windman

    Windman Members

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    I have many of these and several others. After decades of it I solve it on my own. By my wife’s lack of interest she has relegated that it happens this way. I don’t want a divorce.
     
  13. Piobaire

    Piobaire Senior Village Idiot

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    She reserves sex for holidays.
    Who knew leap years were holidays?
     
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  14. NakedInfluence

    NakedInfluence Member

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    No, the foremost cause of divorce is money
     
  15. NakedInfluence

    NakedInfluence Member

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    Yes we need sex more often, while women need talking, cuddling and other forms of emotional support more than we do. Yet if we regularly went days, weeks, months without meeting their needs it'd be all over in no time. There's a blatant double standard there. We're expected to give even when we don't feel like it but nowadays even the suggestion that your wife should have sex with you to meet your needs even if she doesn't feel like it is considered tantamount to rape.

    Communication can help but sometimes makes no difference or even makes things worse. The marriage vows are a covenant i.e. you promise to hold up your end of the deal even if the other party doesn't keep their promises.

    I'm in the same boat, my wife only has sex when she wants to and it kills me. I hold on to the fact that this life is short and I'll be judged for my actions and my wife for hers. If I choose to love her anyway and put my family's needs ahead of my own I will be repaid in the next life. Be strong and do the right thing no matter what. Maybe things will turn around, maybe they won't but you'll know you did the right thing.
     
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  16. I do like your response. Personally, I agree that divorce is to be avoided. My philosophy is that human beings are not suited for a monogamous lifestyle; that was forced upon people by religion, societal laws and rules. One needs to find a path to satisfy one's sexual urges which can be very strong with some like myself. I see you are from California from Michigan here.
     
  17. drock69

    drock69 Members

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    I told my ex-wife and a couple of women prior to her, that the only way I’ll ever cheat will be because her refusal to have sex. Fortunately, I never cheated.
     
  18. drock69

    drock69 Members

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    Why?
     
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  19. TonyH

    TonyH Members

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    Hey, has had anyone heard back from Ed? He started this thread.
     
  20. Twogigahz

    Twogigahz Members

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    Looked like Ed was a one post wonder...probably never had sex with her ever again.....
     

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