Married and sexually frustrated

As a guy in the same situation for decades, I feel for you. I guess where I would start is by giving as much as you can at home. Meaning giving her as much of a break as you can with the kids. They are exhausting! If she gets to the end of each day and there is nothing left, then she’s on empty and need a reprieve.
Divorce sucks! Especially for kids. I cant tell you how many kids I’ve worked with that have divorced parents that have been profoundly impacted by it.
Having said all of that, my experience is that the situation isn’t likely to change. Your wife either likes and has a need for sex or she doesn't. I have lived this for decades. My option like countless other men in our situation has been to turn to a bisexual lifestyle. Having sex with men is both easier to come by and a lot less complicated. Its simple with us, we want to cum. In every other capacity my wife and I are great together. But in the sex arena not so much. I found the best option for me was to go around her for sex. Is it a perfect situation? No. But it has kept us together and I no longer have this resentment toward her because I cant get sex at home. I do have guilt for doing what I do, but honestly if divorce isn’t an option for me then this is the best I have come up with.

 

Unfortunately it is a common issue after kids. Have you asked your wife to watch you masturbate? At least it would be sharing your intimate moment. Let her know you need sex more often but you want to include her during your masturbation sessions.

 

Seems like that shouldn’t be an issue if you are married hmmm

 

I'm not being flippant and I do understand your predicament having been thru similar me experience in.my first marriage.

 

Well you should of found someone with your same potential of expectation

 

I apologize for not being more sympathetic to your situation as I am a bit feisty today now go wank off hahah I jest

 

I have the same issue with my long-term girlfriend. She is not as sexually needy as I am and this has been frustrating. She told me to look into polyamory, and I think that I will give it a try. Complicated situations

 

I have many of these and several others. After decades of it I solve it on my own. By my wife’s lack of interest she has relegated that it happens this way. I don’t want a divorce.

 

She reserves sex for holidays.
Who knew leap years were holidays?

 

No, the foremost cause of divorce is money

 

Yes we need sex more often, while women need talking, cuddling and other forms of emotional support more than we do. Yet if we regularly went days, weeks, months without meeting their needs it'd be all over in no time. There's a blatant double standard there. We're expected to give even when we don't feel like it but nowadays even the suggestion that your wife should have sex with you to meet your needs even if she doesn't feel like it is considered tantamount to rape.

Communication can help but sometimes makes no difference or even makes things worse. The marriage vows are a covenant i.e. you promise to hold up your end of the deal even if the other party doesn't keep their promises.

I'm in the same boat, my wife only has sex when she wants to and it kills me. I hold on to the fact that this life is short and I'll be judged for my actions and my wife for hers. If I choose to love her anyway and put my family's needs ahead of my own I will be repaid in the next life. Be strong and do the right thing no matter what. Maybe things will turn around, maybe they won't but you'll know you did the right thing.

 

I do like your response. Personally, I agree that divorce is to be avoided. My philosophy is that human beings are not suited for a monogamous lifestyle; that was forced upon people by religion, societal laws and rules. One needs to find a path to satisfy one's sexual urges which can be very strong with some like myself. I see you are from California from Michigan here.

 

I told my ex-wife and a couple of women prior to her, that the only way I’ll ever cheat will be because her refusal to have sex. Fortunately, I never cheated.

 

Why?

 

Hey, has had anyone heard back from Ed? He started this thread.

 

Looked like Ed was a one post wonder...probably never had sex with her ever again.....

 

Married 20+ years to who I felt was my sexual soul mate for 15 years. Now nothing for over 4 years. No kissing affection interest in me. Honestly she’s killed any interest I have in sex. Just tolerant roommates sleeping separately. Hell the only time we sleep together is on vacations, so it’s very rare.

 

I'm sure you're right. But for me, men are not an option. Unfortunately I am heterosexual only.
So I have no choice but to deal with the most complicated genre.
Anyway, after reading the things I have read here, my situation is not so bad. After 36 years of marriage,we have sex an average of 3 times a month. My problem is perhaps the lack of variation and the little adventurism. But, well... you can't ask for so much.

 

You are right on. I've been in a sexless marriage( ie 10-12 times a year) since we were married for over 30 years. The reason I wouldn't cheat or divorce is because of the wedding vows. When I asked for more sec early on I was met with "that makes me feel like it's being forced on me. " I would never force someone to have sex with me, especially my wife who supposedly loves me. Or maybe she loves just being married to someone who tolerates her.