Hi all, regular poster on another board. Here's my deal. Am 43, two kids, married for 20 years. Been at the same factory job for the last ten years. Should let you know that my wife and I haven't been on great terms for the last six years and haven't had sex in the same amount of tim (yes, six years celibate) I've had a very deep crush on a gorgeous female co-worker (35 w 2kids) who, after we've had occasional flirtatious times, told her that I'm crazy about her. I'm bought her coffees, cookies, presents for her birthday and Xmas. Treated her very special. She always went out of her way to talk with me and flash me that special smile. Awhile back, there were rumours that she was seeing another male co-worker at lunch, both going to her car and returning when time was up. Yesterday, the two of them drove to get coffees together. I wanted one too and found myself behind them. They used the drivethru, i went inside. They left before me. Instead of returning to work, they turned the opposite way away from work. I was blocked in and went the same way too, but was about two minutes behind them. I found the two of them parked behind another factory far away from our own. I kept on driving. She once told me she couldn't accept texts from other guys as her spouse wouldn't approve. I found her texting the other guy yesterday. She also once told me they were just friends, but i doubt that friends park in clandestine areas. She has such a smile when she sees him. Once, I was pretty sure she stole a kiss from him. BTW, he is also married with one child. After five years of holding in my crush, and telling her how I feel two months ago, my heart was destroyed once again. I rarely let anyone close to me see my feelings but I thought I'd take a chance. I never thought marriage could be so lonely. I so desperately want to love someone and get that love in return, something I don't think my wife and i can achieve. Any sincere thoughts would be appreciated. Prefer no "Get over it"s
You don't want to read the "get over it" posts because you're hoping for someone to tell you something to make you feel better about it? I mean...it sucks for you for sure but 1. You're married. 2. You might have had a chance with the woman from work but she wasn't going to wait forever for you. 3. She doesn't even slightly owe you an explanation for what she's doing with some other dude. And 4. You should address whatever is going on at home that has kept you and your wife from having an intimate relationship for so long. So I'm not going to say to get over it but those 4 points are all probably true.
You walked past a bakers and saw a cake in the window you can't have. C'est la vie,mon ami. Now go tell your kids you're a good solid strong man who loves them. You can,with a clear heart;because even though tempted,you didn't stray,didn't smash their lives. And now,deep inside,now you know it's just a 'mid-life crisis' abherration,aren't you SO glad you didn't?
Yeah, I'd focus on your kids. They're your foundation. Plus, you can be happy alone if you choose. Don't let her rob of that.
There is so much pain in that paragraph. How we wish we were perfect, never had doubts, life worked as in a dream, wives and husbands full of love, attention, compatible in every way, all our needs there. We wish we were less susceptible to weaknesses, we wish we could choose the way we feel. But we aren't machines. There is nothing I could tell you to make you feel better. Not a word. It's a pity. I'm not gonna offend you by assuming you've chosen to be unhappy. Life is complicated. I'll assume you did try to make things better at home and it just didn't work. And there is nothing anyone can tell you to make that pain go away. But time heals. It won't heal the pain of loneliness, but it will make you "forget" this last experience. It isn't what you're looking for, but remember your children probably can give you that almost unconditional love. I know it isn't the same, but it's something you can have, as opposed to things you can't.
So what's the deal with you and your wife? How many times in the last 7+ years did you buy your wife "coffees, cookies, presents for her birthday and Xmas. Treated her very special."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head. For one I simply cannot get how you could be married the last 6 years and had no intimacy with your wife. But you didn't give any details as to how it got to this point. Either something really bad happened or you just simply drifted apart which I find a little sad. Yes Marriage takes work as I'm sure you know being in one for 20 years, but how you and your wife have managed to co-exist in the same house and not shared any intimacy, cheated on each other, or simply broken up in the last 6 years I have no clue... I agree in that either try to fix things with your wife or separate and move on. You playing out this fantasy with a coworker for 5 years, buying her gifts, and talk about your heart being crushed sounds ridiculous to me. What would you think if you found out your wife had been courting some guy for years? It's basically cheating on your wife. Maybe you didn't have sex with this coworker, but you certainly would have if the opportunity presented itself I do get that you're lonely, but this is not the answer. Go to a marriage counselor, get some professional help. If your marriage is too far gone then end it so you and your wife can both get on with your life instead of wasting it away and watching the years go by
Yeah, I agree with Wizard, too. If I were to be sensible about a situation like this, I'd try to improve life with the wife and, should that fail without any chance of further improvement, end it. Sure beats having constant thoughts about cheating, sustaining an awkward environment at home, and potentially having your shit hit the fan at some point and jeopardizing the well-beings of all parties involved(and that means your kids, too). I think it was puggybear who said it was good that it didn't work out with the coworker in the end, and I agree. Now, if you still feel like you want to have an affair with another woman, then get out of your current marriage first. Less messy that way in my opinion.
To all these DIPSHIT guys who stay in marriages for years while being unhappy and never getting laid, here is a tip. LACE UP, get the fuck on and divorce, stop wasting away the years bullshitting yourself in your own dreamstate.
