Married 19 yrs he has a porn addiction he has had help

Thank you for even reading this. I have never reached out before anywhere. I have been married 19 yrs he has had a porn addiction and our sex life has suffered tremendously. I’m not vein at all but I feel I am attractive. I’m 5’5 weigh 150 got DD breast implants blonde. We have sex maybe once a month maybe once every 2 mos. he never touches me never gives me any attention. Lately all of a sudden he wants to have sex daily for a week straight. I ask hey what’s gotten into you? He says idk but I guess take advantage of it. I do.. why? Because I need it so badly. I need that touch. That attn Now it’s been 14 days and nothing again. What is wrong? Did he see something that really made him that way for a week? Now he’s over it? I asked him 5 days ago and he says “why didn’t you ask sooner I’m tired now why do u always do this to me” Still nothing. I’m so confused. What am I doing wrong? I feel so broken. Any help would be so greatly appreciated!!!!!!! I’m at a loss. We have been together so long I don’t wanna give up. This has been an issue for 19 yrs though. So defeated and sad.

 

Huh? I don’t understand. I really am asking seriously.

 

Looked up Diddums and it says being childish? you think I’m being childish? I just feel lost. I’ve tried everything and I can’t get any attn then for a week he wanted it daily. After catching him looking at porn all
The time. And we never have sex. It kills me. I just was asking for some advice. That’s all.

 

A pot addiction, or a porn addiction?

 

Sorry Porn addiction

 

Has he got any other health issues or mental issues? Depression, bipolar? Mood swings or stress? There's a lot of health factors that go into a healthy sexy drive, and even that term "healthy" is individualised.

Anyway your title says porn addiction, but your post says pot addiction and I'm assuming you're blaming the pot because this is a hippy forum so you're asking questions.

Oh okay it's a porn addiction. Well.... Do you do anything that he watches in the porn? Or is it all fucked up nasty stuff you are just utterly disgusted by? Cause if it's not so bad there's no harm in trying to incorporate certain aspects in your sex life that he likes if you're comfortable with it.

 

There could be a multitude of reasons , Mis matched sex drives of which is more common than most people think. Sometimes using toys in self stimulation can help. Boredom - Perhaps introducing different bedroom routines could help .There could be dozens more .More information is really needed.

I think your first step is to talk to him and have a discussion say over a nice dinner . Once you have found out what the problem is then you can try and solve it.

I have found that most relationships suffer because people just don't talk to each other and sometimes they have the mindset that things will get better on their own accord . This rarely happens of course. Some others don't realise that they have a problem and think its just part of normal life.

We had a similar problem around 10 years ago and after talking , we found out getting dressed up and looking our best for date nights helped us and before long we wanted to rip each others clothes off when we got back after the night out. We still do this to this day most weekends, although sometimes the sex is left until the morning .

So to summarise your first port of call is to talk to him and find out what the problem is. Should you find its more of a medical nature then you would need to seek a medical professionals help and advice .

Good luck

 

Addictions in any form cause problems.
I will fetch my addiction therapy friend to this thread.

 

He really doesn’t have anything else that comes into
Play as far as mental or physical issues. Yes I should have corrected that. It’s porn addiction not pot. He had never touched that in his life. I don’t know what porn he watches because he hides everything from me. I am willing to do whatever he wants. We have had that conversation before. He’s too embarrassed to talk to me about it. He just says he won’t do it again. I know he still does. I’ve found toys he’s using too. It’s so hard after this long just to say I’m done because of the porn stuff. He has never physically cheated, but after 19 yrs it’s never changed. I’m now 42 and coming into my prime. Sexy is not ever something that we do frequently. All my kids are grown now and I still know that we on the wknds it’s not something that will come up. I feel afraid to push it as it will just cause an argument. I was just wondering why for like a week he wanted to daily? That has NVER in 19 yrs happened before. Now it’s back to the usual. I’ve don’t nothing different. I just am so tired of feeling neglected. I get a peck kiss goodnight and maybe a peck kiss in morning. During the day no touch no kiss nothing for 19 yrs. I want him to put his arms around me or slap me as I walk by. I often wonder what that feels like. I’ve never been with anyone else in my
Life either. I’m a bit Putplext as to what made him want to hv sex daily 5 wks ago? I’m willing to do whatever made him feel that way again.. anything. I love him so much. Idk maybe I’m being selfish

 

Yes, we absolutely do not discuss this stuff enough for sure. I do need to. It’s nust when I do he gets defensive and it makes me retract like a turtle.

 

Thank you I would really appreciate that

 

I don’t wanna scare anyone off. If I am I’m really sorry.

 

Try using open questions when you talk ie Questions starting with What.Why,How ,When etc. Once he does open up that's why I suggested that you do it over dinner when you are both relaxed, you can get to the root of the problem .

If you think it is the porn then I suggest that you watch some together and find out what he really likes and perhaps you could introduce some of the elements into your own routines . But please do bear in mind a lot of porn is exaggerated.

Its encouraging that you want to do something about it and the fact that you have recognised that something in your relationship isn't quite how it should be .

 

Sorry I don't really have advice.. But I feel for you. Unless he will open up and talk about how he feels, there is little you can do alone. I have recently had a lot of trouble due to my exes inability to talk about things.. And it really is hard not to start blaming yourself and finding your own faults, because it's the only thing you feel you have control over. But this isn't your fault. You are not being selfish. I don't know. 19 years is a hell of a time and I was dedicated to my love of 3 years.. Some of us are just made to make things work, but without the other person wanting to do it too, you have to either accept never being truly happy with things, or leave him. I hate advising break ups but sometimes things end. You cannot fix this without his desire to do the same. It's a lesson I'm trying to come to terms with, too.

 

It sounds like good advice. But some people, especially some men, are not reachable even with what seems like reasonable advice that would work on anyone.

It's because they often don't know themselves, and if they remain this way, don't have any desire to know themselves. It's like banging your head against a brick wall trying to get these people to let you in. He strikes me as one of those, but I could be wrong.

 

Ouch this reply hurt not gonna lie. You may be right. Thank you.

 

Thank you I really appreciate your response

 

I’m so sorry you are going through that. I completely feel your pain. You did help just by replying. Thank you so very much! I am hope your situation will be okay as well. Reach out if u need advice. Have a good night!

 

I do agree porn is very exaggerated fantasy like. I just don’t know how to compete with that anymore. He has done this for so many years maybe it’s just time to move on. I’ll try talking to him first. Thank you so very much for taking the time
Out to answer me. Means a lot!

 

Yeah, I'm feeling that response towards the people in my life, too!
Sucks when reality just won't be how we wish.

Thanks for your words. I hope you end up in a good place,whatever happens. We shall both be fine,i think.