Hi everyone, new to this site and never asked anyone for advice before but I’ll give you a quick introduction to me and my wife. We are both 26 married 3 years and together 11 with 2 children. Are sex life used to be great before kids and after kids the sex has stopped to about once a month or so. That’s not the issue as that’s just life after kids haha the issue is my wife had started her Job about 6 months ago and has got really close to this girl who just happens to be a swinger with her male partner. A few months ago she started to change and would say that she missed out on sexual adventures because we got together so young and stuff, which I understand but I looked through her phone and she was searching stuff like “ I love my husband and want to sleep with other people” or “is my husband bad in bed” which really hurt. Anyway she always goes on about sleeping with this girl and that’s she wants it to be her “bit on the side” among other things and feeling like it’s my fault how to I deal with this and make her happy? It’s really affecting me and don’t really know what to do about the situation. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks
"but I looked through her phone ..." That's a mistake. You violated her trust. When she said she missed out on sexual adventures, you should have talked to her about what she thought she missed and the two of you could worked on that. Maybe the sex life before kids was good for you but not so much for her. Talk! Learn from each other.
Yeah that’s very true but I only looked because she was being shady. We have talked loads and very deeply about this but seems like she’s being coherence, she has never mentioned anything in 10 years and then within a couple months working with this girl she wants to sleep around etc. I love her dearly and don’t want to feel paranoid about her because I know she’s loyal it’s just driving me crazy. Thanks for the reply
Well, first off - you and your wife need to work out a way to talk and be honest with one another... you are so young, and have a family already - and yet, your sex lives have trailed off to once a month, and now she is searching out wanting sex with someone else. I know this has to hurt your heart and your ego - it is difficult to come to terms with - but, important for you and your wife to work through, honestly and openly. Maybe there are some things going on between you two that you aren't aware of... How easily can you discuss intimate matters and honestly talk about sex without it becoming uncomfortable between you? Keep in mind, people do change as they grow older and sometimes we are influenced by others in unexpected ways, and things happen you can't predict or expect. People who are open to sexual adventures such as your wife's work friend are more relaxed about sex, and could also be more comfortable "recruiting" new partners. I hope you can allow yourself to be open to whatever she is going through, so you can ride through this with her. I think if you can help it, and not become defensive, and also not violate her trust by snooping again, and not get carried away with feelings of betrayal or fear of losing her - you can possibly improve your own sex life with her. You also have to decide what you can accept and what you can't. What is the worst thing that might happen if you gave her permission to experiment? How can it make things better for you and your marriage? work those things out with her. Don't be afraid to ask difficult questions and try to reassure her she is safe telling you anything.
Thank you for the advise. I think you are right and offer some great advice. It’s awkward sometimes speaking about sex with each other. Last time we spoke we joined a swingers website to have a 3 some with another girl and for me not to touch the other girl just my wife and me be there just not to feel left out. After a few weeks she said she was over it and didn’t want to go down that route anymore. I’m now confused and relieved. Now she is going back to the idea but it seems like Groundhog Day. The only difference is she has been off work for a while and now she is back it’s popped up again. The up and down of emotions is what’s getting to me. I had to work up the courage to join the swingers site because I wanted her to do what she wants. I think your right about communication and that’s what it boils down to.
Hi. My husband saw my searches on my phone and asked me if I was sexually attracted to females and I admitted to it. We had long talks about it. He now understands I don't love him any less, I just have a sexual desire for both men and women that's all.
