Making the effort to talk to girls

It isn't what I want really - NO.

It makes me feel bad at times to be honest, but there are also times when it doesn't bother me.

I don't want all the pretty girls to be scared of me or flinching every time they walk past me or whatever, and if they were, i'd feel bad and really ashamed.

If they were cocky, over-confident girls that were making fun of me, then it wouldn't bother me.

The girl that moved out my way was one of them, and it didn't bother me.

No other girl has moved out my way like that, and some of the pretty girls aren't scared of me or look worried - I'm not hurt them anyway, and if anything, i'd be sad that I haven't got a decent girl like that and look at that person for a split second and then look away and feel down.

I mean it's either be feared and taken seriously, or be thought of as soft and being taken for a joke and getting laughed at.

If i'm out and about anywhere else, i'm not like this, and people aren't frightened of me - When I went to the doctor's surgery to see the nurse about my toe infection, I was fine then, and she wasn't scared of me or anything.

 

Too smart? Too smart at being socially inept, too smart at being disliked, too smart at turning off or scaring away the women at your college?

Chris, you come off as an arrogant, narrow minded little twit. You honestly think any woman would want to be with you when you say shit like that? What if someone develops a medical condition and as a result gains weight? You'd break up with them. No woman wants to be with a man who only values their exterior, and that's exactly how you sound.

so your woman has to be skinny, caucasian, not confident, not bubbly, not giggle, be quiet, calm, intelligent, able to deal with your bursts of intense anger and actually wants to be with you. You genuinely think such a woman exists?

 

The reason why I said I was too smart for that is because I have expectations, and I dress casually smartly and take great pride in my appearance, so anything below that won't do for a girlfriend. I mean why should I make the effort to look smart (in my appearance) when the girl i'm after doesn't offer that in return in terms of her appearance - What would be the point in it all?

If I had a girlfriend that gained weight, I wouldn't dump her, but i'd ask her if she's been alright lately, and tell her how worried I am about it.

As for a woman to be skinny, caucasian, not confident, not bubbly, not giggle, be quiet, calm, intelligent, able to deal with my bursts of intense anger and actually wants to be with you, well if I looked hard enough, then maybe there would, but they'd at least be skinny, caucasian, serious and intelligent - I mean that'd do me.

I don't want a girl that's got a temper, gets angry a lot and ends up beating people up and getting all violent and emotional and in drunken rages and states - I want a girl that looks how I said above, but is able to have a laugh with me and be soft and gentle, rather than someone who is as serious as I am or worse.

Having said that, I don't want some opposite of me, as we'd only ever get personality clashes because we're so different, and I don't care about all this nonsense about "opposites attract" because it doesn't always work out that way.

 

I think the point is to find someone to love.

But if you're so hard and tough all the time, do you really think you're gonna find a girl that's soft and gentle to be with, ones that are soft and gentle normally want a more gentle guy too.

 

I don't know, but if I was to go out to a nightclub, they'd be plenty of pretty girls there, and also, i'm nearly 18 now, so i'd be old enough to buy a pint.

I'm quite worried about going to a pub/nightclub, as i've not experienced it before, and things such as brawls, fights, stabbings etc worry me.

There's also the loud music, dinghiness (pronounced dinjiness), flashing lights etc and it's so crowded at nightclubs.

 

Well if you wanna go out I'd say find a nice bar to go to. Shitty bars are just plain shitty and depressing and nightclubs are really only fun if you like to dance and are really socialable.

 

Well to be honest, I don't go out much, and I haven't got the confidence to. I'm just worried that there might be a fight or brawl and i'm in the middle of it.

The town which I currently live in the town that i've lived in for the past 14 years of my 18 year life, and I didn't have a nice childhood at school and was bullied, and the house I currently live in (which i've lived in for the past 9 years) is on a council estate where there's kids around etc, and when I was I people used to call me names and pick on me then, and really i've just got a load of bad memories, so I wouldn't mind a fresh start in a new town, in a posh area, where it's nice and quiet and no kids about being noisy.

There is a person on my street that is a year older than me, and he's a bully and he used to bully me when I was younger, and he hates me especially because i'm different from him. He lives with his mother and younger sister, and i'm not surprised he goes off the rails because he hasn't got a father to tell him off, and his mother goes down the pub regularly.

Even though my two older sisters have got their own houses and living in the same town, I personally want to get away from all of it, and all the bad memories of my childhood.

I was bullied at primary school, and most of the former class pupils live in the same town as I do, even the ones who used to pick on me.

I'm never going to be able to live a happy life whilst being stuck in the same town, and I personally wouldn't want to stay there for the rest of my life.

 

Chris, i have read some of your thread, and i would really like to help you. I think the purpose of this thread was to ask for help? Unfortunatly i can not see a way to start to give you any advice because in almost every comment i have read you have let your anger reply for you rather than trying to understand what people are telling you.

I can not imagine how it feels to be you, but from what you have told me about your life it seems that the only attention aside from your family that you have experienced is from bullies. Bullies do not understand respect, therefore you have never had any respect?

Everybody deserves respect, we are all equal, we have all had different experiences given to us in our lifes, and we have developed different personalities as a result of them. Be patient with people less experienced in life than yourself.

I also noticed that you repeatedly mentioned your pride which you later changed to reputation. Pride is a form of respect for yourself. A man of good reputation will have respect within the community.

The only person that has ever respected you is yourself, and the only person you have been able to respect is yourself. If you want to make freinds you have to show everybody respect.

If you respect a person you must respect them for their right to have opinions, beliefs, feelings, and their appearance. Do you not expect these same rights?

In this thread you have disrespected people by being offensive towards homosexuals, girls, attractive and unattractive people, also you have been extreamly aggressive with the use of appauling language.

Unfortunatly not everybody will respect you, in these situations you should respectfully withdraw yourself form interactions with this person or try to help them. e.g. Thankyou for your opinion, i do not agree, goodbye.

I noticed psychology was mentioned at some point during the thread which i think is a very good idea, I also think you would benifit from Philosophy, it will help you understand what you believe.

Here are a couple of links to some forums you might find useful.
http://www.uncommonforum.com/index.php
http://philosophynow.forumsplace.com/

Jason

 

Actually cannabis impaires short term memory, so technically it does make people stupid. Also, how can not being able to spell make you more stupid? Surely any level of literacy could only assist intelligence?

You could say that listening to people that give false information like yourself make people stupid.

 

I DO understand respect, and I have manners and I am nice with people who I talk to like my mum and my college tutor - From what my college tutor wrote in my recent college term report, she said that i'm pleasant to talk to.

Having said that, I only have respect for certain people, and that's fine - We all have people who like and hate.

I never swear in front of her, but I might swear in front of the students or whatever, but that doesn't matter, as they'd use swear words somewhere along the line.

I know that you have to be a bit more careful around teachers etc and have manners.

I wouldn't start effing and blinding (swearing) in front of mother, and the only choice words i'd use are git, sod, shit or whatever, but not the F word. I worry about what my mother will think of me, and she'd be shocked.

YES, I let my anger reply at times, but that's because it needs to be got out my system, and it's better than bottling it up - That'll never change.

As for my reputation, well, I have made quite a name for myself without saying a word - They do say that actions speak louder than words though.

I DO respect opinions and am able to understand people's feelings and points of view.

I DO expect people to respect me in return for my right to have opinions, beliefs, feelings, and their appearance, and even though I may think otherwise, I don't actually come out and say anything or make fun of anyone - It doesn't matter what you think inside, but it's all about the way you behave and your actions on the outside.

I may have disrespected people by being offensive towards homosexuals, girls, attractive and unattractive people, but like I said earlier, it's me getting the anger out of my system.

One of the things YOU need to understand is that respect works both ways, and it's not as if anyone else will respect me, so I refuse to give it out in return.

I may have been extremely aggressive with the use of appauling language, but it's me getting the anger out my system.

You can't blame me for that, and if the vast majority of people were angry, they'd more often than not end up snapping, and maybe you should ask yourself what YOU would actually do, and be honest with yourself.

 

In a friendship respect has to work both ways, but you havn't got any friends yet. If you want to earn the kind of respect shared through friends you have to show everyone your worth it. If everyone demanded respect before they gave it, nobody would ever give it. If everyone gave respect before they recieved it everyone would get it. Its an endless loop and if you want it to change you have to break it.

Do you think its fair to release your anger on other people? I dont think its fair that other pleople release anger on you but you have to support what is right. Be the bigger man. Being a man is about having the strength to support what you believe in, not what your believe in like being gay, what you do in your spare time like dancing or having a masculine body. Lead by example.

Find another way to vent your anger. I was a metal fan when i was younger and found 10 mins in the pitts soon got rid of my anger(I was 5'4'' before i was 18). Smash up something old, chop some wood, scream as loud as you can.

I cant imagine how hard it is to be you, I realise that your personality does not work with alot of people but even if you get a possitive reaction from 10% of the people you meet sooner or later you will meet someone that will value your warm caring respect.

 

No, I don't think it's fair to release anger on other people, but I haven't exactly done that have I?

I can't find a way to vent my anger, and I don't want to. As for screaming out loud, NO way because all you'd do there is make a fool of yourself and worry everyone else and draw attention to yourself.

 

Oh shit on a twig, you're absolutely right. You calling chris a homosexual and providing yet another example of how ignorant and unsympathetic most of the world is toward people with social problems is probably great for Chris's self esteem.

You're a fucking moron. I'm not saying everybody should feel sorry for us. I'm not saying you should give us undeserved compliments to pad our self esteem. And I never said you made my teachers and classmates treat me like dirt. But damn near every person I've ever met who was sociable makes these sweeping judgements about me just because I have trouble talking to people. Like that I'm mentally retarded or that I'm gay or that I'm insane and might snap and go on some violent rampage(because its always quiet people that do that right?) I always hear most of the "normal"(sociable) people who have met me and seen that I have trouble communicating like a normal person saying these types of things to their sociable friends. They'll gossip about how crazy or weird or autistic I must be, and I guess because they jump to the conclusion that I'm retarded they don't expect me to notice.

Yup, nothing will help us get over our problems faster than a world of people who consider us subhuman and wink and chuckle as they suggest that "Maybe girls aren't your thing " Fuck you.

 

I understand you, and as for the "maybe girls aren't my thing" I wouldn't take the slightest bit of notice of that bullshit, and a guy can dream.

I tell you, it doesn't half piss me off how all these get talking to the pretty girls and i'm thinking "How did you manage to pull these girls and get talking to them?"

 

Your contradicting yourself...Dude i give up, you deliberatly picked out 2 things to argue against when you should be thinking possitive and focusing on what you can agree with. Your too defensive to listen to anybody. And i ment scream out loud somewhere private.

 

You have a different perspective then mine, that being said i dont expect you to agree with me or even understand what i am trying to say though i do try and understand other people.

Chris was being an ass about 2 posts into this thread already telling some one to "fuck off", so yeah i draw a conclusion from the information he had given in Jest, now this wasnt intended to hurt him, nor comfort him, it was me trying to challenge this guy with a slight bit of wit. To be totally honest though, one should avoid taking anything on this site that they dont like too personal, because this is a very honest place, chances are that people are going to say things and challenge ideas with points of views that in of them selves are not attacks but can be found offensive.

Now you understand that the next thing you should understand is that this may be a mens forum for mens issues, but it is not run by proffessionals in the field of selp help, mental health etc. we have no responsibility to look after anyones self esteem. That being said im not promoting 'flaming' (personal attacks, malicious posting) what i am saying this is a resource some one can pick and choose the information they like and dont have to accept everything everyone sais.

in real life i wouldn't have said those things about chirs as i imagine i probably wouldnt socialise with him on the account of his temper.

I stand by the fact that my posts challenging chris's ideas were intended to change his perspective, because i believe that he needs that more then he needs some one to try and look after his self esteem, a healthy person should be able to do that themselves.

 

Too bad chris seems to discard just about everything that's suggested. This kid doesn't really want help, he just wants attention and we give that to him in spades here.

 

Vraiment.

 

Chris, I have actually read the entire 16 pages of this thread and I want to help you really. but I do not know how I can do that if you keep saying that you do not want to change.

You care too much about other people's opinions.

Chris, you kept asking how is it that "those guys" seemed to get all the pretty girls. People, and girls even more so, like other people who are sociable. And as that is exactly what you are having trouble with, I can understand how much you hate it. There is no magic formula or magic words you say to get them pretty girls. Be friendly.

And I will not bash you for being homophobic and disliking 'gay' men. After all, you are entitled to your opinion . Yes Chris, I'm smiling. I'm a lad and you are a lad, and I'm still smiling while I'm talking to you. But I'm not gay. I'm just friendly.

Finally, feel free to bash the fuck out of me by venting your anger at me. Calling me gay or whatever. I'll still try to help you. But myself or any of the wonderful people on this board can only help you, if you are willing to change. It is tough, yes. Accept it. Then fuck it.

 

I am closing this thread as it is going nowhere.

I am hoping the original poster gets the support that is needed, but it is not here, going by his responses to this thread. There is not a blending of thought let alone an understanding of support. Sad to say the least. I have let this any many other threads go as I am always hopeful of understanding and just simply a thought process that is level.

Any further posts on this will be closed.

Heat