Oh yes! my mate and I do it a lot. There is something special about hugging and kissing naked on the bed with legs entwined and barefeet rubbing each other!
Shortly after I discovered men, one man-lover made me cum hands-free just from the way he was kissing me! We were naked in bed, sooo hot, and when I reached down to touch a really desperate, aching need he took my hand away and pressed his hand flat down on my pube, the heel of his hand just barely touching the base of my stiffly jutting cock and started undulating his warm, strong hand as we kissed ... it was so overwhelming to me ... next thing I knew I was clinging to him & crying & moaning into his mouth and cumming soooo hard ...!!!!
Yes, men who are totally open to intimacy are a real turn-on. It has to do with letting go of hangups and completely merging with another man, like nuclear fusion. Great explosive orgasms, and great lingering afterglow in a naked embrace. Then it's fun to go out on the town as bonded friends and kiss again in moments of privacy.
With pan amorous folks, it's not just a binary situation of merging (being in love) with same-sex and "opposite" sex partners. We can fall in love with anyone on the gender spectrum, so long as both people involved are willing to be open and intimate and respect the other person's needs. Intimacy and love involve so much more than having or giving a physical orgasm. With love, the intimacy lingers for a very long time, and can be experienced with muriple partners. Pan amorous behavior is rare within a species dominated by monogamous pair bonding, but it does exist. Some of us humans need a lot of kissing and hugging with others. The affection I feel for each of my long term lovers has been sustainable only because we understand that love is not a property right. We don't own each other, but we light up each time we meet or even think of each other. Being pan amorous was difficult for me when I was raising kids within a 23-year marriage, but gradually got easier after my marriage ended.
to me, there is nothing better than making out with a man. There is just nothing quite like it. Everything that follows is also great - but for me, it starts with the touch, and the kiss, and making out only enhances the outcome for me. @BiGuySW I have wondered if I am pan-amorous. I have questioned myself at how easily I can feel a physical attraction for someone, and if they are willing, I am willing to kiss them - I find kissing to be a very personal thing, and I feel linked to the person who engages with me that way. I have been able to be monogamous without it feeling monotonous - I have some sense of or need for something more - It is hard to unpack the one on one monogamous thing - it's what we are told is the right thing... but I like what you wrote - about love not being a property right - but I can see that light shining brightly
Here is what I learned about what I need. Your needs may be similar or different. I definitely felt owned during my marriage, to the extreme extent of feeling regularly blamed by my wife for her unhappiness in life. She actually was the one who initated divorce proceedings, but she was caught off guard following the completion of the divorce when I went from feeling blamed and somewhat miserable to feeling happier. She then went through a 20 year period where she continued to blame me for her unhappiness and tried to turn our kids against me. That did not work, and recently she decided to be much more civil toward me. One of the first things I learned from a subsequent lover who happened to be a wildlife biologist was that some animal species (like humans) tend toward monogamous pair bonding, but this is not an absolute behavior. I gradually discovered that my pan gender, pan sexual, and pan amorous feelings were right for me and my limited number of long term lovers. In fact, we thrived by having several intimate relationships in our lives. I know I need lots of affection in my life, and I need multiple perspectives on how best to experience life. This all was a very liberating process for me following my marriage. It helped me to overcome the restriction I had experienced so that a civil relationship could be reestablished with my ex wife. We are no longer lovers, because that sort of chemistry is not there. Absolute monogamy s not sustainable for my four long-term lovers and me. We do not engage in group intimacy, but we do not demand absolute monogamy. We all have our own homes. We do not expect any one person to make us feel complete. I am in love with all of them, a male I have known since grade school, two cis women, and one trans woman. They all regularly express their love for me, also. Sex gradually becomes less central to these relationships as we get older, but affection and respect becomes more and more important.
Last weekend I was invited over to visit a friend - his partner was away for a few days. I got a vibe he was interested in more than a conversation. It was gradual. We were both cautious, but end result - we ended up making out passionately. It was wonderful. We could not stop kissing. I felt like I was in high school! Last night, I visited my "fuck buddy". We have been meeting for sex for almost 2 years. He is a solid bisexual who is married to a woman. He rarely kisses me. He will let me do almost anything I want to him, including kiss and nibble on his ear, but he will not allow me to kiss him. If there is a kiss, it comes from him. We have great sex, other than the lack of kissing. I respect his boundary there - I'd love to make out with him. It just isn't what he wants.
I realize, in retrospect, that I require a lot of attention - and it comes in the way of affection from the person I love. I have supplanted my need for affection these last few years with people I am not in love with - with people I don't even know - and this is not fulfilling. I look back on my married life. My wife was not the type to be affectionate with me. She showed me love through food. When we were out in public, she would hold my hand or put her hand on my knee - but never at home. As time went by, we only kissed passionately when we were making love. And our times for sex were slowly dwindling to Zero. She always expected me to make the suggestion or the move to embrace her and give her the signal that I wanted to have sex. And she never wanted to cuddle or even sit next to me. Towards the end, when we were still trying to figure out how to make it last, one night she said that I love my dog more than her. She accused me of enjoying the dog's affection more than her. I told her to come over and sit next to me. I would gladly move the dog for her. She did not. I came to a place of resenting her hand holding or knee touching in public because to me it was more "ownership" than affection. I am like a sponge - I soak affection like water in a sponge... I am so angry about this missing from my life.
I understand why you feel unfulfilled, but I caution you about translating that into anger. Anger really messes with your endorphins in a destructive way, and that makes it less likely for you to express and attract affection. Anger also tends to make people fear that you might try to control them. As you know from what you just said, most people don't want to be "owned". By freeing yourself from anger and loving yourself, you reduce the chance of others fearing that you have any intent to control their behavior. This makes it easier to interact in a spontaneous manner. The whole idea is to give ALL people, including yourself, the freedom and safety to be themselves. The next important thing to do is interact with lots of people, so you can increase chance of meeting others who value affection like you do. Not everyone has the desire or capacity to be affectionate. I can usually feel it when someone understands the importance of building a foundation of love and affection with their friends. These people know that love and affection can only thrive in the absense of controlling behaviors. When you find this in a friendship, take good care of that relationship in the same way as taking care of a plant from being a vulnerable seed to being a thriving and growing tree with deep roots. I have never had sex with several of my most affectionate friends, but their love and affection are so important to our health and happiness.
You make a valid point here. My closest friend currently has a very similar story as mine. We have never had sex with one another (although there have been times when I wish we would, now I don't want him to even see me naked) but we have been intimate with regard to hugging and touching, and with meaningful conversations. As I read your comments, @BiGuySW, I realize that I need to allow myself to be more expressive with some of the men in my life. If I crave affection, and I can share it with others, and not be terribly worried about the so-called heterosexual boundaries that men put up between one another, then I am better off in the long-run. It does not need to be sexual in order to satisfy.
I agree. One or two lovers can be enough if you also have several additional affectionate friends. If I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about something, it really helps me to recall the affection I share with my closest friends. Words only go so far. Affection makes me feel so welcomed in this world. I realize that many people don't feel this way, and I respect their boundaries. But, when one of my close friends and I share an electric hug or a moment of affection and understanding, that sticks with me for a lifetime.
when i first started experiencing bi curiosity way back when, i had zero interest in kissing or making out with guys. over time though i found myself also fantasizing about it. it took time to get to where i'm at though with that. not sure what changed other than just me experiencing more same sex fantasizes
