Make another absurd accusation about the poster above you

cycles 100miles a day

 

knows the exact mileage because she runs along beside me, wearing a pedometer

 

stole my bicycle and left me havin' ta run all the ways home

 

Stole my running shoes and left me having to commandeer a bicycle from somewhere

 

Commandered my bike.

 

attacks strippers with tazers

 

Shoves penny bangers up cats bums.

 

Has a waxen mustache they twirl the ends of constantly...

 

Loves being ties to railway lines by the Evil Sir Jasper.


[twirls 'tash in acceptably evil manner]

 

Loves eating orange marmalade straight from the jar. (quart sized)

(waxen mustache removed first, of course, to keep it tidy.)

 

Shoves pickled onions into her cheeks and runs around pretending to be a hamster!

 

Stands on the roof, buck naked, and making whooting noises... but only on warm evenings. The other nights wears a bear suit.

 

Stands in the garden at night wearing naught but a smile while filming naked blokes on her roof doing bear impressions

 

Does NOT have the bear suit dry-cleaned. Instead, airs it out by tying it onto a flagpole and attempting to pass it off as a wind sock.

 

Whips out her false teeth and uses them to crimp the pastry when making pies!

 

collects false teeth

 

Makes pies with uncrimped pastry

 

makes coffee with tea bags

 

Paints her garden fence with nail polish

 

thinks everyone lives in houses