Major decision point in life...

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by crux, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. crux

    crux Guest

    I'm looking for advice and I don't have a ton of friends who understand my situation. I'm a bisexual male, have been for a while. Been with tons of men and women, but I've never had a relationship with a guy. With the ladies, I've been a serial monogamist (spelling?).

    About 2 years ago I met an amazing girl. She's 3 years younger, beautiful, and has a great career (ENT surgeon). Unfortunately, she's very closed minded when it comes to sex. Don't get me wrong, our sex life is spicy, but whenever I mention that I'm bi, she closes down.

    At any rate, I asked her to marry me about 4 months ago. At the time, I had no doubts. I thought she was awesome and I wanted to lock it down... Fast forward to now. I recently had some life experiences that make me doubt whether I can be in a closed relationship. I brought up the possibility of poly or open with my fiancé, but she shot it down immediately and said that if that's what I wanted we should break off the engagement.

    I love her very much, and I don't want to lose her... But at the same time, I keep day dreaming about what it would be like to be in a longer term loving and committed relationship with a guy.

    Here's my question... Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What did you do? Do you think the desire to experience a guy on guy relationship would eat away at me or do you think it's something that's just a phase? Like I said, I've been with plenty of guys before so it's not a purely sexual experimentation thing... It's more of a curiosity regarding long term relationships with men.

    Thoughts/advice? Anything is appreciated! Thanks!
  2. KewlDewd66

    KewlDewd66 Member

  3. crux

    crux Guest


    OMG, I hate it that you are totally right. It's definitely a 'no-win'. Life is always so complicated because the concept of compromise is a function of time. Meaning, whatever I compromise on now might have different weight in the future. Right now I feel like I can forgo my bisexuality and poly nature for this amazing woman. However, if I did this, I could only be fully content in this situation if I totally forwent all possible influences that would make me regret this decision. I.e., if I never watched porn again and never saw a cock.

    Everything is so complicated... I know that complication is part of the beauty of life. Still, it sucks. I wish I had a crystal ball so that I could see the possible outcome of every decision... But, that doesn't exist.

    Thanks for the reply. You somewhat reinforced what I was already thinking. Ultimately it comes down to me prioritizing importance in my life. What is more important? Freedom or security?

    Much love KD. :) Thank's for helping me think.

    Anyone else have any input? I'd love it.
  4. Gallagher29

    Gallagher29 Member

    I'm more or less in your situation, crux. A relationship with a man won't fulfill me completely (it's like there is something too much - I don't really feel the need of a man "by my side"), yet it would be the same with women, since sex has been better with men so far (we know what we like). When it comes to long-term relationships I have to make choices, and either way I'll lose something. What can you do :)

    I've gone through phases, thinking I was straight, thinking I was bi, thinking I was gay, etc. I've been reading about "fluid sexuality" later, and that's possibly the only concept that applies to me, if I really want a label. BTW how old are you, crux?
  5. PhotoJoe

    PhotoJoe Guest

    Women are intuitive, beautiful, and knowing. I was married 17 years and told my wife I was Bi. Her answer? "I know" We are still together. We agreed on an open marriage and have been going strong for 2+ years. I don't know if your wife will be as cool as mine, but I wish you the best....

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