Made Out with a Girl who has a Boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by ca123, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. ca123

    ca123 Guest

    So, as the title suggests, I made out with a girl who has a boyfriend. I did this a few times with the same girl. Without explaining background too much, I'll just say that we're in college at the same school, her boyfriend goes to a different school, and my roommate was gone on the weekends.

    So, I've grown pretty close to this girl, and she was always subtly flirting with me, and was overtly coming on to me at parties when she got buzzed. All this time I knew she had a boyfriend, so I just kept my distance (kind of). Until, one night, we were both pretty drunk, and we were left alone in my room after people had left. Soon we just started laying in my bed, cuddling, and we eventually started making out. Nothing more than that happened, just made out and fell asleep in eachother's arms, cuddling the rest of the night.

    Now, let me pause here and make a confession: I'm a virgin and have never had a serious girlfriend before. I've been told that I'm a pretty good looking guy, but I'm pretty shy and it just never happened. Now, on this night, before making out, she brought up the topic of past relationships. She asked who I had been with before. I was perhaps too drunk, and I made the stupid mistake of lying. I told her I had a girlfriend, and made up a little story. I think I regretted this lie right when I said it, but didn't know how to handle it. I quickly changed subjects, and put the focus on her love life, but held the lie in place. Anyway, I never said it outright, but the lie also implied that I was NOT a virgin.

    Moving on, we had a couple more nights of making out and sleeping in my bed. I never made the move to go further though. Part of this probably had to do with the fact that she does have a boyfriend, and so there was a small element of guilt on my part. And I wasn't sure how far she wanted to go in cheating. I didn't want to "force" anything on her, in that I didn't really want to be the instigator. I guess I felt that if she wanted to cheat, that's fine, but it's up to her and I don't want to encourage her to cheat. Anyway, this was the dilemma going on in my mind. There was probably another part of me saying completely different things.

    Looking back on things, I'm pretty sure that she DID want to have sex. Why else would she be sleeping with me in my small twin-sized bed? Our make-out sessions got very passionate at times, but then we would hit that point where we just stopped because I wasn't (or both of us weren't) sure if we wanted to make that next move. I don't have too much experience here, so I'm not even 100% sure what that "move" that signals that I want more would have been.

    I guess I'm just looking for advice/feedback, or maybe just want to vent. I'd really appreciate any opinions on this situation. Should i continue seeing her? The way I see it now, there are four options: 1. Try to be with her, and have her hopefully break up with her boyfriend. The obvious problem here is, if she cheats on her boyfriend now, what's to stop her from potentially cheating on me too? 2. Be her "on the side" guy. I'm not sure if I can handle this emotionally. I get too attached. 3. Try to legitimately be "just friends" with her. I don't know if this could work or not. It'd be weird to try to be just friends when we both know that there's a mutual attraction between us, and we'd probably just end up lapsing into old habits even if we don't mean to. And 4. Just ignore her? Or not necessarily ignore her; still be friendly, but try to part ways?

    Sorry if this was long. Anyway, I just don't really know how to handle the situation. Also, if I decide to continue to see her, I know that this issue of virginity and having a previous girlfriend will probably come up again. I really don't know how to handle this. How do I go about telling her the truth (if you even think that I should do that)?
     
  2. nooneleft

    nooneleft Member

    Just go in there and tear it up dog!! Stop analyzing it for what it's not. You like the girl, she digs you ... so just DO what the damn monkeys do and SWING a little!
     
  3. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    I personally think you should just be friends with her. It's perfectly do-able. One of my best friends is someone I considered marrying. She married a great guy, and all three of us are friends now. I'm also good friends with like two other girls I'd considered marrying at one point or another.

    One thing I've noticed about your post, OP, is that you seem to be focusing a lot on the sexual aspect and not the actual relationship aspect. If you are simply interested in getting laid, find a girl who is single. This girl is taken, regardless of whether she appears to be flirtatious or not. And were you really that drunk? Because when I'm drunk, I can NOT lie. At All. Just remember, honesty is a good thing. Find someone who you don't have to pretend to be someone else with.

    All the best.
     
  4. ca123

    ca123 Guest

    Thanks for the advice. By the way, the actual relationship between me and her is very good. We make very good friends, and I really like her as a person (besides maybe the fact that she cheats on her boyfriend). I didn't focus on this in my post because I know less of how to deal with the sexual part than the actual friendship. But either way, your advice of remaining just friends would still hold (if anything, more so, if we make good friends).

    And on the lie: I was pretty drunk, but not anywhere close to wasted. I'm a bad lier when I'm drunk too (or even when I'm sober), but I can still attempt the lie. The story was a bad one, as there wasn't much I said. Her questions were along the lines of "when did you break up with you're last girlfriend", to which I gave some random number of months ago. I knew other questions would prompt the "story" to fall apart very quickly. In fact, when she asked why me and this fictional person broke up, I literally couldn't think of a reason, so I just said "I don't want to talk about it" which probably just led her to think it was a bad break up. At this point I quickly tried to change the subject, which she let me do. I remember her saying "you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
     
  5. i_was_in_shroom_land

    i_was_in_shroom_land Shroomier than you!

    aw.. i find your over all situation is kinda cute..

    but not the making out with a girl who has a bf part..

    but if she didnt have a bf... it would be cute.
     
  6. CherokeeMist

    CherokeeMist Senior Member

    There are a few things you didn't mention, that may be important factors.

    Will you be seeing her at school for at least two more years, most likely? Are your chances of running into her high for a while?

    How serious is she with this guy? Have they been together a while? Are you aware of yours/hers long term intentions?
     
  7. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    Umm, first of all, lying was a stupid move. Not to be mean. Even though she's cheating she still might think you are a jerk for cheating or not trustworthy/dating material.

    So you need to come clean.
     
  8. ca123

    ca123 Guest

    I will probably be at least running into her at school every once in a while for the next year.

    As to how her relationship with her boyfriend is: I'm actually really confused on this front, and I have no idea. When I met the guy, it seemed like they had a good relationship, and he actually seems like a very nice guy. They seemed happy, with no problems. but when she was with me one night, she said that their relationship was "rocky". That's all she said, and I didn't inquire further. I kind of suspect she may have said this just to make me feel less guilty, though. From what she told me, though, they haven't been together very long. Maybe 4 or 5 months.

    As for the lie, I know it was extremely stupid. I regret the lie more than anything else that relates to all this. And I know I'll have to come clean at some point, if I continue to see her very often. I just don't know how to go about it, or how to bring it up.
     
  9. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    I would just confess asap. Don't sit on it. Be like, "This has been bugging me, I'm kind of embarrassed, but I lied to you"

    Tell her the truth, that you are insecure about your inexperience. She might find it kinda cute and endearing.
     
  10. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    I would not worry about lying to a cheater! It is not like they have any moral ground to stand on.
     
  11. eatlysergicacid

    eatlysergicacid Creep in a T-Shirt

    This whole thing sounds like the plot to the show Undeclared.

    Check it out, maybe some insights therein lie. :)
     
  12. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    I agree with the first poster.
     
  13. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

    Meh I'm torn on this issue.

    I don't advocate being a party to helping someone cheat.

    But I certainly don't think one should stop pursuing someone IF that someone was genuinely considering you as an alternative to their current relationship. But there is a code of boundaries to follow in that scenario.

    For instance I think in this instance you have to ask if they're gonna leave the person their with to be or try out something with you, and that needs to happen before ANYTHING sexual happens, beyond kissing and perhaps some heavy petting, preferably before but realistically won't be.
     
  14. Mike Suicide

    Mike Suicide Sweet and Tender Hooligan

    ditto

    boyfriends or husbands has never been an issue for me, if she wants to mess around she'll mess around.
     
  15. monoman911

    monoman911 Banned

    You ask too many questions, just fuck!
     
  16. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    I've read this a few times.
    In similar shoes, I'd just walk away. Let her have her LDR.
    So you told a story to cover inexperience. It's not that big a deal.
    Should you two develop a relationship, confess somewhere down the line.
    Likely it will be a funny story, and not a huge issue.
     
  17. Reducted

    Reducted Member

    Next time things get "passionate" tell her that you are actually a virgin, and say that you are a bit unsure.

    just so you know, women like to see confidence, purpose, drive, and a hint of aggression in their lovers. I don't know why, but asserting dominance is the best way to turn her on. But the only way to get the confidence to exert dominance is to practice, WITH HER. Go for it man.
     
  18. monoman911

    monoman911 Banned

    Laughs.

    This is a time you were told.
    Mostly they don't say so you don't know.
    Does it make any difference?

    I screwed many chicks and left before the man came home...............
     
  19. ca123

    ca123 Guest

    Thanks for all the advice! Things have become much clearer in my head with time.




    I've always heard of the show and never watched it. Just wanted to say, after reading this post, I finally decided to check it out. And you're right! In some ways I feel there are some parallels.
     
  20. Logan 5

    Logan 5 Confessed gynephile

    Why are you telling us this?
     

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