Machete Kills

Discussion in 'New Movies' started by Shale, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. Shale

    Shale ~

    Machete Kills
    Movie Blurb by Shale
    October 11, 2013

    I'm almost embarrassed to admit to going to this movie. Not so much that it was not pre-screened for critics (always a bad sign) and most of those that did see it panned it, but because I saw the trailers and knew what kind of absurd, nonsensical, stupid movie it was going to be and went anyhow. Oh well, my motto "growing up is optional."

    This is actually a sequel to Machete. I never saw that movie but I saw the fake trailers in Grindhouse by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. These movies started as sequels to those fake trailers. You may notice a lot of named actors appear in this film - mostly as cameo performances. (Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas)

    Here's a plot if you need one. Machete, (Danny Trejo) is a former Federale who has a rep for not being killed by some of the nastiest criminals in the Mexican cartels. BTW, we see some of this gory action from the beginning of this R-rated flick (right after the fake trailer for Machete Kills Again - in outer space).

    Machete is summoned by the President of the U.S. (Carlos Estévez - who musta used up all his cred as Martin Sheen so he is using his birth alias). There is a psychotic cartel leader turned revolutionary in Mexico named Mendez (Demián Bichir) who is planning a missile attack on Washington and President Rathcock needs Machete to take him out.

    Machete meets his handler (Amber Heard) who is undercover as the Miss Texas contestant and gets instructions that lead him to a brothel in Mexico which will lead him to Mendez. But first she has to sample some of the very attractive Machete.

    Miss San Antonio Pushes Herself on Machete
    [​IMG]

    But, Mendez has the missile triggered by his heart in a dead-man switch so he has to be kept alive until it can be disarmed. (More action, violence and gore)

    Machete & Mendez
    [​IMG]

    "Mientras" as they say in Mexican comic books, the bordello whore/assassins, lead by Madame Desdemona (Sofía Vergara) are after both of them for killing one of their friends. (Notice Desdemona's metal bra - Yeah it's a two-boob gattling gun. And, wait till you see her strap-on)

    Beautiful Assassins
    [​IMG]

    Eventually they get back in the states and find the guy who set up the missile. Industrialist arms maker Luther Voz (Mel Gibson) is the Dr. No style villain behind all this mayhem.

    Machete pairs up with his partner Luz (Michelle Rodriguez - the beautiful Macha Latina in almost every action movie of the past decade) and they get the gang together to take down the bad guy.

    Machete & Luz
    [​IMG]

    It is a poorly made, ridiculous movie, but like the aforementioned ref to old James Bond movies, I've sat thru worse, taking themselves more seriously than this. If you have nothing better to do and want to watch comedic murder and mayhem, this is your movie. I'm sure somewhere there must be a cult following - just not in the theater for today's matinee. There were 3 of us.
     
  2. jaredfelix

    jaredfelix Namaste ॐ

    looks awesome, the first one was so cool!
    how was the violence?
     
  3. Shale

    Shale ~

    Ample and surreal. Lots of heads taken off, guy split completely in half by Machete, splattered by helicopter rotors ... the usual.
     
  4. jaredfelix

    jaredfelix Namaste ॐ

    hellz YA! lol i enjoy grindhouse violence =]
    think itll be straight to dvd too since you said it wasnt pre-screened?
     
  5. hotwater

    hotwater Senior Member

    I think the movie broke the record for the least amount of money ever made for an opening weekend on at least 1500 screens nationwide

    Hotwater
     
  6. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    I've watched the first one and found that one not remarkable in any way. The over the top but well executed gory action doesn't make it a good movie in my opinion. That it is possible for me to like a movie that mainly focusses on over the top gory action is proven by movies like Crank and Crank 2: High voltage. But yeah those movies had better humor I suppose.
     
  7. Fucking awesome grindhouse action. It's so over the top you'll laugh your ass off!
     
  8. Fairlight

    Fairlight Banned

    Not my scene at all.I like films.
     
  9. Shale

    Shale ~

    A Little Trejo Humor

    [​IMG]
     

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