I need to know whether I should follow my heart. I left my partner of seven years 20 months ago. I was heartbroken and in a really bad way, but i knew that if I was going to survive, I would have to leave the relationship. I loved her very much - No I totally adored her and as a result I took a lot of s**t that would make most people leave pretty quickly. I got on a plane and returned to the city 6000 miles away where we met and I had lived for ten years before I met her. I left to start my life over again. I then started going to a counsellor to work out how I felt and why... and went to that counsellor twice a week for ten months. by last Christmas, I no longer cried every day. I had at least on an intellectual level accepted that this relationship was gone. Then in January through another forum, I met another lesbian woman who had a problem that impacted her personal and professional life in an area that I specialise in professionally. I reached out to help her - Pro Bono. When I met her, it was like I had known her all my life. We just connected. Over time we have discovered that we have a lot of similar life experiences and understand each others emotional processes exceptionally well. I felt attracted, but she has a girlfriend - I don't get in other people relationships so I said nothing. Over ten months I have worked closely with her to solve her problem and have a number of positive outcomes. We have become like best friends. During this year I have discovered that her relationship with her partner is in a very bad place. At first I tried to encourage her to work very hard at fixing this relationship (I still remember fresh in my mind, how my partner didn't seem to want to fix our relationship and how that just about broke me). The two of them simply have grown apart and they have exceptional stress on their relationship that includes financial problems and they both are having career difficulties at the moment. Her partner is also very emotionally abusive, although I don't think she recognises this. Her partner is very angry because they don't have sex any more (they have both told me in separate conversations). I just know somewhere deep down that this woman is my soul mate. Shes not perfect, can be quite stubborn and has her faults. But thy are all faults and quirks I can live with because I also see her positive traits, ones that make my life feel good. She has told me that she needs to move out and go live on her own to try to fix her relationship with her girlfriend. From where I'm standing this will be the next death knell. Even her girlfriend doesn't want her to go. But I also know that her girlfriend is looking for a job in another part of the country that she refuses to go and live in... We have become very close but live quite far apart. I nearly moved close to her, but decided against it, because if her relationship has even the slightest chance I didn't want to be around to influence that the wrong way. She now needs help to rent a house and get resettled. I am willing to hep her with a substantial amount of money. I have both lent and given money to friends before, so for others looking in from the outside they don't see unusual behaviour. I am also willing to do this no strings attached. I am motivated by her happiness. SO even if her relationship worked out I'd be happy for her. I know I am in love with her and for someone who is in her mid forties and a little experienced in life, I know that this is a deep affection. My gut tells me that I should just sit it out and wait. I have a life, A job, a family and grandchildren. When we're together she touches me on my hands and arms spontaneously. She reached out and stroked my face tenderly last time I went to see her. We always hug each other - close tight hugs.... Nothing however is inappropriate. Even if she feels like I do, she cant tell me - shes still working out her relationship and I don't want to influence her decisions. She tells me things like she feels connected to me. She tells me that I am loved (Not that she loves me though), especially when I'm having a bad day. And we talk to each other every day and we have done so for ten months now. During all this I met another girl, who I've been dating because she has been encouraging me to meet other girls. I like this other girl but it is clear that we both know (the other girl and I) we are not going to be a long term item. I spoke to my "friend" about this other girl and her response to me was that maybe this girl is just my rebound. Part of my recovery... But honestly I just find her to be a distraction from this friendship. is there anyone out there that has has formed a deep and loving relationship from what started out as a close friendship? Anyone?
It must be lovely to be friends first..be happy! One life, take risks.. But remember there are always consequences..but be happy!
