Love in your 40's. We're REALLY struggling.

We met two months ago and the attraction was immense, I've never experienced anything like it. She was absolutely captivated by me and I was extremely attracted to her. She actually came back to me three times during the night to make sure we kept in contact. Never have I ever been in such close contact with someone for two whole months but the problem is that we're both so busy that we've only seen each other half a dozen times since. I'm lucky enough to be flexible but she's working, studying AND raising two young kids. 5 years ago I wouldn't have even continued this but she is one of a kind. Two weeks ago I started to feel that the effort I was putting in wasn't being reciprocated so I suggested meeting at a time when I knew she would be able to find availability. She came through and even though we are both very tired we still kissed hello and goodbye. She even paid for the drinks. She makes me feel like the luckiest bloke in the world but I really don't know what to think. I displayed a lot of insecurity a week ago as did she. I think we're just going to have to let some time pass.

Thoughts?

 

Try to relax, you don't want to seem desperate.

 

That's what I thought. We had a good but brief chat online last night. We've had a bit of a chat online this morning too but I think I'm going to leave any more contact until after the weekend.

 

6 times you've been together over a 2 month period? I can certainly understand how you'd be feeling a certain amount of frustration about that - after all, you have described a tremendous attraction to one another. While it's probably not wise to push too hard, perhaps asking her to meet with you for something or other every 5 days or so is achievable. Even if she can't quite make it, it will still probably get you closer to maybe once a week and that at least will be moving in the direction you wish to go.

Small steps and be patient. As a single mom she has a lot on her plate - try to keep it comfortable.

 

Good advice. So it was 9 days. 9 days before our meeting I asked her if we could meet the next day and understandably she came back the next day so saying no, but she could do next week. So, everything isn't dead in the water. It's only stagnant. Isn't that a nice way to put it ........

 

Her ultimate responsibility is to her children and providing for them with a work life. Keep it casual and you both will eventually find a way to work in some time together. As for now, you better start asking yourself whether or not you want to in a relationship with her, and her two children. Because that where your headed. Just saying.

 

Thanks Panama Jack. Five years ago I wouldn't have even considered it but this relationship is amazing. Last weekend caused problems for us and this afternoon I figured out that she would have been scared by some news that I told her which was that a Filipino lady cracked on to me when I went out. Just like I was scared when she took in someone who was discharged from hospital. That only lasted less than 24 hours though. She has a lot on her plate and I have nothing else I want to wait for. Last weekend caused us to have a big long discussion about our future on Monday night but I'm too daft to have figured things out that quickly.

 

Play it cool. I don't know, she has a lot going on, kids, work and all. I wouldn't make any jumps...

 

I see some avoidance on her part here. When she wants an opposite sex adult to talk to there you are. But she may be keeping her distance as a emotional defense. Consider why she is a single mother going to school while working. There must be a father and ex husband/boyfriend in the mix. We call this as being on the rebound and in her 40's the relationship with her ex may have been long term. She may have been nastily dumped and her life thrown into turmoil. She's on the way to recovery but juggling three time consuming activities while trying to make time for you. But she is remaining guarded over a budding relationship. Your mentioning other women wanting your attention is not good for her feeling stable with you. Give her her space and if she wants she will come around. But it may take a long time for her to trust another man if what I'm seeing is true.

 

It's good. Our relationship is really, really good but she has so much on and is struggling with things. I'm her safety net and romantic outlet which is what I want at this point in life as that's perfect for my situation. We spoke only two days ago and are just doing what we need to do.