My bf and I have been together for 6+ months and we’ve a good relationship. When we started having sex it was more like “fucking” just animalistic and primal. It wasn’t sweet but we still enjoyed it. As of lately he doesn’t want it rough, he said he wants that gentle emotional sex and he needs it, so we started doing it that way with lots of affection and kissing and caressing. I’m not sure what changed in him. Anyway during “love making.” He would lose his erection a couple of times, it’s not a problem cause he can get hard again if we start kissing and doing foreplay again but I did get worried. When I asked him he said it’s not about his attraction to me, but because he’s focused on something else during love making that he loses it, like focusing on me and the experience makes him lose it. While during rougher sex he can just do it and be emotionally numb so he never got soft. What does it all mean? Does he care about me, have feelings for me? What did he mean by focusing on me he’s losing it? I don’t want to ask him again cause I think he could be sensitive around it.
It sounds like it means neither of you should perceive it as an issue. You said it yourself: So what's the problem there exactly? If you two regard it as an issue, it'll turn into psychological stress which, in tun, may cause him to lose his ability to achieve erections due to said stress(in other words, for all the wrong reasons), thus it will become a real problem. That's not what you want. A man does not have to have an erection at all times during lovemaking to care about, and have feelings for his partner. You two can both make love, and just fuck, depending on what kind of mood you're in at the time. As long as it's enjoyable, it's all good.
I’m just wondering what could be causing it, the change in the type of sex and the loss of his erection. It’s not an issue, but I’m just trying to understand the reasons why from other people’s experinces.
I'm not your boyfriend, so I can only speculate based on my own emotions. But I think he wants the sex with you to be more than fucking, unless fucking is actually in order. The way I differentiate the two is that mindless fucking more self-centered, while lovemaking is more about giving. Maybe he's always lost his erections here and there unless it was fucking where he didn't have to take his time to get his rocks off. Either way, if he's wanting lovemaking now then it's a good thing. Besides, if you two want to simply fuck, then you can always do that, too.
Does he jack off a lot? I had the opposite problem in my last relationship. I think it was due to jacking it like 3 times a day everyday lmao EDIT: Also, I am extremely lazy. But I felt like slow was more stimulating for me, maybe for him it's the opposite and he's trying or wanting to be sweet/sentimental with you
I don't see a problem. In fact, I see it as a good point, since he is treating you as a human being, rather than just an object to satisfy his sexual desires. It is mostly women who want sex to be part of a wider relationship, so I see no reason to be worried when a guy is going through similar emotions and not just using you.
But Hannah Spearritt looked so good with her short hair in the first season of Primeval. Just saying.
Do his stronger feelings make him feel less sexual with me? Or maybe he loses his hard on when he starts feeling emotional, instead of rough?
As long as the 'rough' is not hurting you, their is no problem with him building up to it, that is all part of lovemaking between couples who love and respect each other. It is only being rough all the time that should make feel used. Communication is the key issue and it sounds as if you communicate quite well. From your posts, it sounds as if you have found a decent guy.
It's not that he feels less sexual when he's being more emotional. It just means that he wants to be as closely connected to you as possible in an emotional sense when making love. Have you tried exploring your own emotional fulfillment aspect during lovemaking? By that, I actually mean emotionally focusing on your partner and what he's "transmitting" emotionally, and what both of you are feeling emotionally, rather than what you alone are experiencing at the time. Perhaps the connection between you is still not as strong when you two make love, because if he's the one being emotionally driven during sex and you've got these distracting elements(your questions of why he loses his erection, why he wants lovemaking more than fucking, so on) running around in your head, your emotional signals may be somewhat weakened by those elements.
That could be true. Because he wasn’t the romantic expressive kind and when the sex was all about just getting his rocks off it confused me. I didn’t think he could have feelings for me like the strong ones I have for him. There was no framework for it. I didn’t think he ever want to make love to me.
Well, he does now, and I say that's a good thing. Maybe he gets a bit soft from time to time during the process, but with this kind of thing, it's important/ideal that the overall experience is satisfying for both parties. If you can achieve that and feel natural about it, you're pretty much set generally speaking.
