Looking to change once and for all

Hello everyone. I wasn't sure where to post this. I guess this is where it'll have to go.

I'm going to spill everything up front, both for simplicity's sake, and to try to make this thread productive. I'm a 27 year old male. I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. In fact, I have pretty much no experience with women whatsoever. As a result, I'm a very depressed, frustrated, and angry-at-the-world person. I don't really want to get bogged down in all my history, but I will just say that this whole world of dating/sex/relationships etc. has always seemed to be this separate dimension that I don't have access to, whilst everyone else seems to navigate through it with relative ease. It's like a dimension that overlaps with mine wherein I can see and interact with others in it, but being a part of it is off limits to me. That's the best way I can describe how it feels. It just appears women unanymously don't like me, and I'm just a dud and undesirable.

I've been going down the road of wallowing in self-pity and depression for too long now. I just want to bring closure to this problem once and for all, whether that means accepting my status as an undesirable and moving on, or "fixing" whatever problem(s) is/are contributing to my failures socially and with women. It seems insurmountable at this point. I'm interested to hear what people have to say though.

I really appreciate everyone's time, and thanks for reading.

 

I think you should seek help from a professional therapist. There are a variety of therapists. You can choose the sort of therapist you want. Or, if that's not in the budget, maybe a gym membership will help you. I tend not to think about my relationship status after a good workout.

 

I don't mean to dismiss your answer, but you obviously don't understand what I'm saying. This isn't about "relationship status". It's about being alienated and no woman ever liking me. It's much much MUCH deeper than your response seems to acknowledge. Everyone else seems to get dates and relationships easily. It would feel like winning the powerball to me. That's how bad my situation is.

 

choosing usernames such as "slasher" isnt going to help

 

Do you want sex or a g/f? And I'd not suggest you fall in love with a girl because she is the first thing that has sex with you.

Dude.....don't take this the wrong way, but a decent hooker will help you get your head on better once you get the sex aspect out of the way. In the scheme of things, dating will cost you more in the long run if your just hoping it leads to sex. Just a better deal for the $$ required to get a dating girl down the road to sleeping with you.

 

i agree on the therapist idea. there is obviously some sort of underlying issue that is causing your difficulties, and they might be able to help you get to the bottom of it, as well as help you cope with it.

on the other hand, i don't see how the gym membership will help much. i do recommend a gym membership to anyone because i think taking care of yourself physically is important, but it probably won't help much with getting dates, and spending time around hot young things in sports bras and yoga pants probably won't make you feel better about being single.

what sort of place do you live in? like, are you in a major city or a small town? small town will be much harder; if you're in a city you should get on some dating sites and just start throwing out messages like crazy. you'll get a couple dates out of it, and probably fuck them up, but it will be good practice and help a little with your confidence. i wouldn't recommend this so much in a small town since everyone already knows each other so either they will already know you, or they will know each other and talk about you.

 

No, I totally get what you're saying. I've thought about this too. I just don't know how to safely proceed with this. I've been told that backpage.com is nothing but law enforcement, and the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law, so I haven't tried to call any of the numbers on there for that reason. Perhaps you have some insight as to how to obtain a legit escort?

I don't know what a therapist could do for me. I've got this mentality that if you need a therapist to get it done, it isn't for you. It's kind of pathetic in my eyes. Maybe it's just nature's way of telling me I'm undesirable and therefore I shouldn't partake in these things like sex and dating. Idk, it just seems like if you have to resort to professional help to make you desirable in the eyes of women, that's kind of a disservice to nature and a violation of the natural order. In reality, natural/sexual selection is weeding me out. It doesn't seem right to tamper with it like that. For me to have sex just seems like sacrilege to me. That just how I see it.

I live in the middle of nowhere on 200+ acres of land, but don't judge too quickly. I work in my state's capital city at a 4-star hotel. I know this can be easy to extrapolate "well there's your problem" from, but let me explain a few things first. Number one, even back in school in my hometown no one liked me. I never attracted the attention of girls or people in general. I was always bullied and made fun of no matter where I was or who I was around. I could go on vacations to other parts of the country and people would still treat me the same. That's when I began to realize something really was wrong with me. It has nothing to do with being from a small town. I've always proven to be undesirable to women everywhere I go. It feels like a curse. It really does. I see all these people dating, meeting, getting together, and I just wonder how they do it. I've never known of a girl being interested in me. It has never happened I'm almost certain.

I'm hoping the notion of accepting it and letting it go is not off the table of possibilities here. I don't think I'm ever going to get a woman to be interested in me, so that just seems like the more realistic approach.

 

Lol, a Webpage for hookers.
Can't you find them in the classifieds of your local newspaper?

 

There are therapists for your head AND there are life coaches that will teach you meeting/dating skills.
You are unhappy with the results of your unaided efforts. Its time that you got help.
You would know which kind of coaching you need, emotional or social.
There are trained coaches in both areas. See one.

 

I don't know where you live geographically or what you have access to. A lot depends upon what you seek. Asian named massage parlors are a pretty safe way to find some help. If they offer a GFE (code for Girlfriend Experience) you are purchasing a massage only, and if you happen to tip the girl, then you and her have agreed to a GFE. She is still providing you a massage by law. How do I know this? I once upon a time had a g/f that was an attorney. Her kink was watching me with other women. She defended these places pretty routinely so she knew more about this than I ever would have. She arranged for me to have a GFE and she wanted to watch. I am never going to tell you it was an awful experience......lol.

There are also legal brothels in Nevada. Never used them but plenty do.

In some states at strip clubs, they can't offer sex in the establishment and they won't. But if after you spend some $$ inside the girl will suggest she can meet you in the parking lot or at the coffee shop across the street etc.
Another variation I learned, again from the same ex was, some clubs offer a "private dance room" that has a sign that states, "These rooms are rented out to independent contractors by this establishment" or some variation of that. The dancer will tell you to rent the room, and what goes on in there is between you two. Yes more money, but they can treat you very very nicely once they know you aren't a cop. My ex g/f spent fortunes in these.....lol.

Cheaper to go the first route.

And I most definitely would NOT steer you to a street hooker. There is such a thing when cheap ain't best. This would be one of those times.

 

Do you have any close friends you can ask whereabouts you are going wrong/what's holding you back etc?

 

I really appreciate the advice. Seems pretty nefarious to me. I doubt I'll pursue this route, but I'm still not sure. I don't seem to have good luck when I go nefarious routes. Lol

Well, not really. I don't think this is a thing for close friends to help with. I do have a coworker who seems willing to help, but I don't know if it'll help much. I'm open-minded tbough.

 

It isn't nefarious. We don't have a legal outlet where you can get an order for sex filled. So like any other venture with limitations, the creative ones find a way.

Look if all you do is spend your time talking yourself out of options, then your left with hoping a sex fairy is sent to you by God to fulfill your sexual needs for free and not judge your character and presence of mind. I don't know of too many chicks that will get banged just because you are a virgin. You either take the time to date them, or you go buy some time. If its a matter of economics for you, its way cheaper to just buy it.

 

i don't know that the therapist would help you get a date, although it is possible that they could help you figure out what is wrong with you that is causing this issue. but, you said yourself that you're trying to figure out how to live with your situation, and that would be exactly where a therapist could help you out.

my point about small town versus bigger city was just that it's largely a numbers game, so there are a lot more women to choose from in the city and thus there's a better chance that one will actually be interested in you. that and the fact that if you did something really unsexy in a small town, everyone knows about it, whereas you could humiliate yourself a bunch of times in a big city and 99% of the population would have no clue.


do you have any theories on what is so off-putting about you?

 

search out a girl you like and talk to her. Introduce yourself. brush your teeth. clean yourself up, exercise. pray

 

Stop labeling yourself as an undesirable based on what you think other people are thinking about you. Focus on managing your own mind instead of the minds of others.

 

That's a very good question. I think it's a confluence of many things. I think it is a perfect storm of bad traits. I'm not just ugly. It's more complicated than that. I'm jacked-up looking. My face is ugly and my body is shaped weird due to inborn deformities. I also have a personality that is different, and not in a good or charming way. I find that I just don't seem to jive with anyone. I don't know how to say it...I'm different. That's all I can say. I don't have that look or personality of a typical guy that women are looking for. I don't catch their eye or spark their interest. I'm just kind of this strange, unattractive person who doesn't matter. That's how they see me.

I'm really leaning towards going the route of just accepting the fact that no girl will ever like me and just moving on. It just doesn't seem right at this point to meet women, date, have sex, etc... It's always been the case that my undesirability is this established thing that everyone seems to recognize. It's hard to explain. It just seems like that's the going assumption amongst everyone I come across.

Wish it were that easy. That works for other guys. Guys who are normal, but just need confidence booster. That kind of stuff doesn't really apply to me. It doesn't really matter what I do. Women just aren't interested. Besides, I've never talked to a girl who wasn't taken.

That's another thing that has always puzzled me. Everyone else seems to find dates left and right with very little effort. Yet, even if I meet girls they're always taken. Where do people find their gfs/bfs? I've never seemed to be able to crack this code. Is there some secret society I don't know about? I used to live with these two guys who constantly had girlfriends. If they broke up with one, they'd be right back out with a new girl in the next day or two. I have no idea how everyone else seems to do this, but I feel like the guy who showed up to the box office too late and the tickets are sold out. This has always been a mystery to me.

I also just can't even begin to wrap my head around the concept of a girl being interested in me or taking me seriously. No girl has even spared the slightest fraction of a second paying attention to me. People in general overlook me and don't view me with any seriousness. I just don't think a girl is going to be interested in me. I'm a dud. I just can't even begin to see it happening. All that stuff is for other guys, you know. That's the kind of stuff that other guys get. It doesn't happen to me. That's just how it seems, and always has.

 

a lot of women won't end their current relationship until they have another one lined up. meeting someone that is "taken" does not necessarily mean there's no chance with her.

 

Many of the girls/women that I have met along the way were not attractive in the regularly accepted sense , but their personalities made them interesting and beautiful in their own way. Could you be a man like this? Something to think about.

 

Do you have any female friends? Explain it all to them and get their advice. Have one of them help you create a profile on a dating site and don't forget to include pictures of yourself. Most importantly, have fun at it. Don't look at it as a means to an end...dating can be fun. If it leads to a relationship and/or sex great, but if it doesn't you shouldn't consider it a failure.