Hi, I'm not sure where to post this, so I'll start here. I'm married, and haven't had consistent sex in 2 years because we were going through losing a baby we were adopting, them she got pregnant, and hasn't been able to have sex since. Anyway, masturbation just isn't satisfying me anymore, I crave sex and intimacy that comes with it, and my wife suggested I get a FWB for this purpose. I'm not overly picky, but do have certain standards, but do not know where to start, how to talk to women that might want this arrangement, where to best find them, ect... I've tried Craigslist and I'm sure some of the contacts were real people, but give them a picture, second email mail and no more response. I would like to know the best way to approach this for best success, I don't know if it's my looks, approach, ect...
Remember that a "friend with benefits" is typically a friend first (as opposed to a "fuck buddy" who may be an acquaintance made specifically for the purpose of sex.) Sounds like you're in more of a market for that latter than the former. If not, however, you might want to consider any female friends you already have, who you find (at least moderately) sexually attractive. Pay close attention to how they act towards you and take it from there.
All his friends probably already know he's married and his wife, so going for a friend I'd say, probably not too well thought out. Great enthusiasm, but won't likely happen.
Bingo, any friends I find attractive wouldn't because they know my wife, and even though she's ok with it, it would be too weird. I suppose fuck buddies would be great, too, I just need release from intercourse, I can't keep going this way
But Craigslist is among the last option in my book by default. There are better websites where one can meet real people, and those sites don't even have to be dating sites. In fact, it's probably better if you didn't meet them on dating sites, then you can actually become friends with them and the "with benefits" part may come at a later time, if things progress in that direction. Also, why not try the old-fashioned way of meeting people through the people you actually know? Explain the situation to them so they understand what's going on. Maybe they know some people who might be interested. In all honesty, though, not having sex for a few years definitely won't kill you. The physical intimacy without sex is still achievable so, in your case, it sounds like it all comes down to you just wanting sex. There's a part of me that wants to say along the lines of "just suck it up and jerk off", but if your wife herself is suggesting FWB, then I guess there's a possibility it might work for you. That's not to say that there isn't a possibility of this idea backfiring and totally ruining your marriage at some point, either. Once your wife is ready to make love to you again, and if you're off somewhere fucking other girls, then there's a possibility of it becoming an entirely new problem. Possibly even worse kind of problem. So I don't know man. As someone who has been in a long-term, long-distance relationship where I haven't been with my partner physically for a few years, masturbation sure has been a wonderful method to combat my sexual frustration. But then I've been thinking that I probably don't have very strong libido by default. I'm not very intercourse-driven, or else my life would most likely have been quite different compared to what it is now. Oh hey, I have another idea: Fleshlight. I like this idea because it's not like simply masturbating with your hands, has been said to feel quite like the real thing, and the best part is that you get to dodge getting the third party involved, thus you are able to dodge unwanted drama that might come with having them involved.
I agree with much of the above post. But, I am on the fence here. That said, My wife and I are a monogamous senior couple. We are OK with FWB concept. However, You better ask yourself and your wife if this is the right thing for your relationship. If she is absolutely positive she no longer wants sex from you or anyone else. Then I would have to say go for it. Sexual intimacy is a human instinct and healthy. Life is too short to live without the feeling and sexual connnection of two consenting people.
She can't have sex, it tears her vagina. She also doesn't desire it. Most women I've ever met think cheating as soon as you mention other women, so asking friends is out. I love my wife, and will never leave her. At the same time, there should be options besides leaving her or pretending/lying to have sex.
Yeah, but if it "tears" her vagina then that means she's definitely not psychologically and physically ready to have intercourse. But what I understand is that during pregnancy and shortly after the childbirth, women might not be in the mood for it, anyway. Hell, it it was AFTER the childbirth, then she's not even supposed to be having vaginal sex for several weeks. Why is asking your friends "out" if your wife has already "okayed" the FWB idea? I don't understand that. She's given you a clear pass. Your friends can double-check it with your wife. And yet they assume it's about cheating? That doesn't make sense to me.
There are professionals. But my thinking is that what you miss might not be the in and out (which is all you are going to get from a pro) but the cuddle and snuggle before and after. I'm concerned that cuddle, snuggle might grow into something that takes you away from your wife. How asexual is your wife? Does she enjoy non-penatrative sex? Aside from whatever guilt she might feel about denying you penetration, does she enjoy touching, licking, being touched, being licked.... Is switching to Oral Only an option or is she not interested in that either? If you've been down that road and the two of you are still looking for a willing woman, might your wife be into three, so she becomes part of the emotionaly-risky-to-the-marriage cuddling.
Oh, that is a slippery slope on so many fronts. I think you'll end up feeling worse, craving intimacy from a stranger. I vote for oral.
I will let you into a few secrets. After loosing a baby and now having to get rid of all the waste produced by the fetus that you have helped produce inside her, the last thing that she wants is you going at her like a wild animal. However, at such times she needs love, and all the emotional help that you can provide. Try spending some time in bed with her and you may well find that she becomes very moist and soon wants to be close to you for some gentle loving sex, Better her making all the moves and being on top. It will be a whole new experience for you. Then after you have cooked the dinner and done a few hours work on preparing the new nursery, you will not have the energy to go looking for a partner that you can use to cheat on her with. If you think that she is in agreement with your selfish ideas, you are totally wrong. She will be feeling dejected and low, the perfect way to make her body chemistry decide to abort the pregnancy. If a male lion went off on the prowl while his lioness was pregnant, she would eat him for lunch and if Jane was your wife, she would do the same to you.
