Look, lets write a story...

practicing

The tubby nudist on the left went into the kitchen and got the crisps. To her suprise he also brought back a can of whipped cream. She asked him "What is that for?" he replied "...

 

actually, no. It's a verb just like advise and advice.

He replied - "oh this is a very sweet sugary cream - it'll take the taste away."

"Excuse me? Do I look like a facking first timer who needs to be introduced gently? I'll have you know I'm a professional!"

"You look like a 15-year-old to me. You're not even legal, no wonder you're so cheap!"

"15-year-old mother of five thankyou very much! My mother was a slag, and her mother before her, and her mother before her too. My great grandma worked in Hull, on BOTH sides of the river!"

"Ok, ok, point made, now who's first?"

But before the first volunteer could step forward, there was a highly localised yet very loud explosion complete with smoke and sparks and a bearded wizard in a cloak and pointy hat appeared...

 

it was gandalf the grey wizard. he had come to stop the evil pimp from taking advantage of the poor hooker. Gandalf raised his cain and said...

 

"to have sex with a 15 year old hooker or NOT to have sex with a 15 year old hooker, THAT is the question"

 

which I will answer! My answer is...

 

"Depends on how much she charges and whether you'll get nicked for it.
Gandalf said, "tell you what I'll make it legal for you."

And so he turned them both into frogs.

 

The frogs then broke out into song and dance. They started to sing...

 

"Les enfants de la patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé...."

 

just as the last syllable left their lips, one frog had a heart attack and the others rushed to his aid. He tried giving him mouth to mouth but it didn't quite work. Then gandalf came over and said...

 

Hmm, you have wonderfully devloped legs there. Since you're about to croak I'll hand you over to my mate Ludovic who's a top french chef...

 

Ludovic then brought out a knife and cut a small incision in his leg. The frog's spell was broken and he turned into a man. The first thing he said was ...

 

you bastard! that was my leg!

 

He then reached across the room and got a gun. with the gun he...

 

started practising to disassemble and reassemble the gun with record breaking speed. He was also careful to clean the gun thoroughly. This seemed to keep him occupied for several hours, during which gandalf, ludovic and the other frog got extremely bored and and went off to find something else to do...

 

and met Damien, the uber frog...

 

they went to a pub down the street. Once there they saw a Kareoke bar. they...

 

Got drunk and sang "I will Survive" until...

 

a japanese business man wanted to sing "Super Freak". They let him sing and they then went and ...

 

the backing track faded out and they had to give the SM58s back.

They returned to their seats amidst a half-hearted if not impolite applause, and listened to a gecko murdering (as if there were any other way of singing it) My Heart Will Go on...

 

one way or another, it was closing time and they then went on to find a club that would admit people in wizards hats or chefs hats who were carrying live frogs. It wasn't going to happen really, or so they thought...