Look, lets write a story...

Discussion in 'U.K.' started by Jaz Delorean, Jul 9, 2004.

  1. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    voice of the mysterious man who had fired the pistol, as Becks lay dead on the floor.

    "Furlong's the name. Paul Furlong. License to Kill. I've been sent by the Great Giraffe of Aylesbury to lead England to Germany 2006, and your husband, being bloody useless at football needed to be removed. Now don't worry, I know you're a bit concerned about any more press this will bring to you causing havoc for yourself and the young boys, but the FA and Sven have got togoether and set up a sex scandal to occupy the media so this will all go un-noticed. Just in CASE that's not enough - the focus on your husband at Real Madrid will be diverted away from him with the Patrick Vieira rumours.

    "Don't worry, it's all taken care of. You can go back to looking after the children in Basildon (or whichever awful part of Essex you're from - posh my arse!) and even carry on in that singing (the word is a euphemism) hobby of yours.

    "Now I must be off to meet with Sven and the Giraffe to begin England training. Goodbye - oh and don't worry about the mess, Harvey Keitel is coming to clean up."

    And with that Paul Furlong, 0029, License to kill headed off to continue his mission....


    And with that
     
  2. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

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    ..he trumped a farewell in A flat minor and proceeded to the gold-leaf plated archway that was the entrance to Posh and Becks boudoir, only to slip over on a very strange looking cactus named Philip.....

    Posh let out a blood-curdling....
     
  3. magicmonkey

    magicmonkey Member

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    fanny fart
     
  4. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    and rushed upstairs instructing young Brooklyn and Romeo to pack their bags as they were leaving spain and heading back to their Terraced mansion in Basildon.

    They arrived there the next day, and were introduced to their new neighbour, Tracy-Sharon Smith - a 15-yr-old Mother of 5.
     
  5. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    Now there's a funny story behind those five kids. Tracey Sharon-Smith was involved with five lovers at the same time. She also was on drugs she thought were e tablets but they were actually fertility drugs. The end result was five kids at the same time all fathered by different men.

    (sorry if my part doen't make sense, i just typed stuff)
     
  6. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    These five children were highly skilled troublemakers, as young children in dodgy housing estates generally are. And they're favourite prank, which they rehearsed regularly was to...
     
  7. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    Fill balloons with water dyed with food coloring and then go to a busy part of the city and drop them from a tall building on unsuspecting citizens walking by below. One day they dropped a baloon on the wrong person, they dropped a balloon on....
     
  8. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    Their local council representative. They knew they were in hot water because they were already being threatened with eviction from their Basildon council flat. Their mum was not going to be happy...
     
  9. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    but that would be easily fixed. What the kids did not know was that their mother was having an affair with the local council representative. She could easily fix things just by....
     
  10. Sedge

    Sedge Member

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    giving them a firm glare, and tugging on her left earlobe. This led her to believe she was blessed with...
     
  11. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    A 6th sprog on the way.
     
  12. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    what's a sprog?
     
  13. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    a brat, a baby, a child, an offspring, etc.
     
  14. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    What she didn't know was that the 6th sprog was that of the local concil representative. It was an illegitimate child that would spoil the chances of him ever beoming the prime minister. When he found out, he....
     
  15. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    thought quickly about what to do, and was reminded of a Shakespeare tragedy called Titus Andronichus...
     
  16. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    Once he thought about this, the thought vanished from his mind. He then began to ponder a million different things such as...
     
  17. Jennyflower

    Jennyflower Member

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    how they make seedless grapes, and how many people were thinking about fleas at this exact moment. whilst he was thinking, one of the 5 children came up to him and was sick on his expensive(but fake) suit.
     
  18. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    This drove him to drink. So he went off to his local and started drowning his sorrows in Greene King.
     
  19. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    Eventually to much drink drove him back to the children. He was going to vomit on that little bugger if it was the last thing he ever did. He hopped on a bicycle and drunkingly pedaled down the street. Before he knew it...
     
  20. Jennyflower

    Jennyflower Member

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    he reached a hill and was gonna attempt to do an "E.T" impression when he realized it wouldnt look right without the dodgy basket on the front so instead he headed for the 15 yr old with the 5 kids' house and knocked on the door (still in a drunken stupour)...
     

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