Just needing to vent.. I've gone all of my life a virgin, partly because I wanted to find the one but I also have a high sexual energy..maybe my virginity has something to do with this. But I've been wanting so bad to experience sex.. yet my idea of my virginity won't allow me to do this and my mind and heart tells me to wait for somebody who truly loves me. This constant push and pull drives me insane and so then it also creates a contradicting and 'teasing' character out of me. I'm very proactive in both dress and movement, (I'm a dancer) yet when men or women approach me for something, it's like...oh wait, no..I'm still a virgin . And I never meant to be a tease. I think the sexual repression keeps me at the edge of my seat. I also think I'm afraid that once I lose my virginity, I will become a sex addict and will become irresponsible. I don't want to do that yet idk how to channel this energy except porn addiction, excessive fantasizing and masturbation.
You owe it to yourself to live life exactly how you want to. Sex is good and it's easier when you're young and fit but there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for someone special.
Dear greenleafyx, Thank you for your transparent honesty and vulnerability! Stay YOU! Again, welcome back to HF! Hoping you will find the man whom deserves YOU!
There is nothing wrong with waiting to find the right one. You will know it when you meet him. And as for channeling that sexual energy well not to sure how to do that other then masturbate lots fantasize away. And just enjoy your body and sexual thoughts. Your body your choice right.
Hi Lonely. You have to follow your wits and do not let anyone influence you. We are all different in some way. I am an 80 year old male who waited until I was 25 before I had sex with a lady. As I was dating there were many ladies who wanted to spend the night with me. I always used the rationale that would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, if she accidentally got pregnant. At 25 I met that person and we ultimately got married and just celebrated my 52 nd anniversary. I had no doubts that I met the right person, finally. Good luck
I think it can be good to wait for true love if that's what you want, but it sounds to me like you're in a position where you can't actually meet someone. If I'm reading this correctly, you're giving off a lot of "I want sex now" vibe by dressing in a sexy way and being unintentionally flirty. Not surprisingly then, you're attracting a lot of interest from men and women, who are also giving off a lot of "I want sex now" vibe, which is then leading you to push them away, because it seems like they just want sex. Is this correct? I don't think you can find someone that you're compatible with using your current approach. Pretty much everyone is attracted to other people for superficial reasons at least initially. People who find real love don't instantly love someone that they meet, though they may be instantly attracted or infatuated. The real love part has to develop over time. Someone who has a low sex drive or is asexual probably isn't going to be a good match for you, so someone who seems to be very attracted to you isn't necessarily a problem. It sounds like someone who is a good match for you may be instantly attracted to you and may be giving some level of "I want sex now" vibe, but who is also willing to wait, and has some capacity to develop real feelings of love for you. I know you just want to vent, but I have a hard time not giving advice. Please just ignore what I have to say if it's not welcome. Maybe try doing some volunteer work that you have an interest in. Volunteers usually have good character and some level of unselfish motivation, which I think are indicators of someone's capacity to love genuinely (just make sure they are genuinely volunteering, not for example, doing court ordered community service). A church group might be another option insofar as there may be relatively more men there that have a "wait till marriage", or at least a "wait until love" mindset. Church men would also tend to be conservative though, and not necessarily accepting of your being bi. Any prospective partner is still going to be giving off some level of "I want sex now" vibe, but if they otherwise have some good signs, I suggest giving them a chance. If you dress in a slightly more conservative way, that might help to deflect some of the more aggressive booty chaser types. There are definitely some hazards with dating, people who are going to fake who they are and what their motives are, date rapists, etc. It's also true that if you want to find love, you've got to give someone a chance to get to know you. As for the fear of becoming a sex addict...I don't think that risk becomes any greater from having sex than from watching porn and masturbating. In any case, it's a fear that you'll have to overcome if you want to find a romantic partner, so therapy might be a path if you can't overcome that on your own. As for channeling sex energy in a non-sexual way, there are ways to do that, and I can say more if you're interested.
It's too bad that as a society/culture we are compelled to demonize our natural drives. No one, especially a virgin, should fear becoming a sex addict. Sexual addiction is not an issue of always being horny, especially if you are repressing your desires or unfulfilled. Sexual addiction is connected with some kind of mental or mood disorder, and is a destructive and compulsive condition. Just because someone loves sex, or even enjoys it all the time, or gets kinky or whatever you want to give as an example, does not make them a sex addict. If that was the case, then most males, at least from my generation, who constantly think about sex, would be sex addicts by definition. But as a true addiction, sex for a sex addict becomes so compulsory that it becomes destructive in their lives. And if most males are sex addicts by definition, or most humans, for that matter, than we would have never advanced beyond a very basic species of hunter-gatherers. Humans should love sex, and that alone should not be defined as an addiction! IF it is very important for your first time to be with a special person, then that is up to you and I would agree when people say you be you. If it is a question of some constructed morality designed to protect the patriarchy, and to keep the devil at bay (in other words, our own human nature which is not at all dark and evil as they would have you believe). Then I'd say, well, the choice is yours as to what to believe, but they have been misinforming you all along. Eve was not a sinful temptress, she was a Promethean hero, for, without her, human kind would have never come to be (I mean, the story is a metaphor, but...). When you lose your virginity should be up to you. But don't ever feel ashamed of your feelings. They are natural, and meant to be enjoyed. In fact, they are sacred and powerful. They are the way in which we humans connect and enjoy each other, and the intimacy is key to love. Our culture has centuries on centuries of a constructed monogamy, so for many people it is important that this intimacy be used to create a loving bond between you and your significant other. But it is a construct. There are those cultures, and individuals even within our culture who get fulfillment out of sharing that intimacy and bonding with other people as well, even as they maintain a strong bond typically with one person. There is nothing wrong or evil with any of this. And what of porn? Again, we shouldn't demonize this either. It serves a function. Especially if you are trying to repress your natural drives and desires, but need an outlet. I would think it would be more harmful to repress those desires, then to also force yourself to be 'good' in the face of those desires. That is what creates more elements within our 'shadow' in Jungian psychology. And if we simply repress all of this baggage into our shadow, and not deal with it in a healthy accepting manner, then it will only fester within the shadow and become something dark, nasty and evil. (Therefore you have many pedophiles and perverts and other crazy individuals in conservative Christian communities. We might say they are dealing with their demons, but Jung taught us that they created those demons themselves. Does porn objectify the women it portrays? No, at least not as it did in the more sexually repressed days before the sexual revolution. Most women are not forced into it, or underpaid and overworked. Therefore they are not sexual objects, but rather sexual subjects, reveling in their own sexuality and exploiting it. We should all be sexual subjects, and then we cannot be objectified into sexual objects. As a sexual subject, we glorify and enjoy our own sexuality as we see fit. We may wear revealing sexy clothing, or walk around in conservative clothing that hides our bodies, but we should control how we express that, authentically, and not based on morals and ideas that have been forced upon us. There------you came on to HipForums venting in front of whoever of these old hippies are left. And you got the exact kind of comment you would have if you showed up in Haight Ashbury at some crash pad in 1967... More power to you!
And of course my previous comment may not apply to you greenleafyx. In many ways it is also my venting, because I have a younger sister who is an evangelical christian, and I feel the constant eyes of judgement upon me. It will never change me, but it is annoying.
Hello there, My English is pretty good, but I don’t quite understand? You appear to be a tease and you watch porn and do sex chats, but you’re still a virgin? To me that would mean you want to be active…I wouldn’t think it is healthy to keep yourself conflicted for a long time…what is your age range? It would be good to see you reply to those who have answered your post. Or if you want some advice from a 29 year old slut like me, please message me
You can wear virginity like a Navy peacoat (thick wool trench coat for sailors). There are virtues we attribute to saving your most important and personal time for the time when you have finally realized "I have known love. And I've known you now long enough to know you have the merits and values that would make any of my friends and all of my family proud. You mean more to me now than I think anyone will ever mean and I think I've tried to see from every angle, but I can't get the stars out of my eyes. I want to share this moment. I want to feel this very moment together!" That is about being in love though. I think of virginity as related to avoiding promiscuity. And I think you retain those values beyond physical experience. In my life I learned it's important to simply save the physical intimacy for marriage. There may be some flaws to that strategy, but I think it does leaps and bounds for avoiding promiscuity.
Ditch the idea of "The One™". That only exists in Keanu Reeves movies. Know that there are lots of people who would make excellent matches. (Familiar with the bell-sbaped curve? It's like that. The curve goes from this relationship is fucking awesome to I hope he doesn't knife me and drop me in a dumpster. There are people at both ends, with most of 'em in the big hump that lies between the extremes.) You're not seeking "The One™", you're looking for one of the thousands of guys who would be damn fine choices. If a desire to fuck is causing pains, maybe you oughta just fuck. Virginity is overrated. The "specialness" of that first fuck with "The One™" is overrated. It's better to enter a potential LTR with enough sexual experience to make the sex better AND to tell if you're getting fucked but not in the good way.
Bonus advice!: Being true to yourself is always a peachy idea. So, ultimately, it's not about anyone else. It's about you. Is "you" a frustrated and unhappy virgin, or a sexually-free, vibrant woman? The choice is before you, Grasshopper.
I would not watch porn it would take you down a rabbit hole and give you false expectations of what sex is like and could give you ideas that could lead you to bad choices. If you want to remain a virgin then just put yourself in the mind set that it is your choice and you control it, that way temptation will be manageable. Once you have sex you for sure will want more of it, that’s just genetics.
