listen

im gonna regret writng this.

but because of the rumor and the abuse i suffered for years and years....

im afraid im fucked. im more then afraid im fucked. i know i am.

no one really likes me either and i dont know why.

fuck it.

im done.

 

i spent my whole life hating myself cause kids beating me up... i was a good girl. hurting me in other ways.

was then raped twice, beat up by two guys, homeless and countless other.

im not well and i want to retire.

 

its ok cus i love you.

 

Things usually get better if you let them. I got drugged at a party once, and it took me a while to get over it. I still cringe when I think about it.

My son hits me. But he's a baby...I guess he doesn't know...

 

With that mindset you will be fucked forever.

With a little mind-power and the right mindset, you can overcome it. You don't even need drugs or therapy once you come to the pinnacle of self-realization. There is so much I could say, but it would take all night.

 

You're my hero, rat...

 

Obviously your drunk again, but thats ok. If you ever decide to leave the past in the past you might have a chance of a future, until then it seeems we will all suffer with you.

Think stupid, no matter what you do the past will remain the same and everytime you go over it in your head it probably seems like its worse than ever but in reality if youd deal with your issues and put them in thier proper place and move on you might be ok.

 

We all love you Trish even if they dont all know it
and ya, things will get better sometime soon

try this actually (how I quit smoking actually) snap your fingers and just think "be gone!"
I do that to many aspects/ things in my life now, it always seems to work for me (many pepole think Im wierd though... I dont know, couldnt hurt to try could it?)

 

but i try n i try.

i just feel so drained.

i would never kill myself cause i love life... fuck, i love everyone. i love the rain, animals, myself, the ocean...

but im haunted.

it just sucks and i dont know how to deal with it all.

but thank you everyone.

im sorry that i get pathetic.

 

Do you want to come to my house? We could fork yards and roll houses!!! Yaay!

 

who are you talking to haha, if to me, okay!

 

Of course I'm talking to you! I hate everyone else in here and they can just fuck themselves, for all I friggin care!


hehe...j/k....

 

wOOt! sounds like a plan gurlie!

 

People in these forums give the most terrible advice. That's why I would never console with anyone who says only what I want to hear. Sometimes the best advice is somewhat hurtful, because that is exactly what the truth is - hurtful. We live in a world of enablers who think they're helping people when they're only making matters worse. And they're only doing this enabling to boost their own self-esteem.

Sorry, but that's how I feel.

 

Sometimes???

 

I must agree, so many want to suck ass and say "Girlfriend it will all be ok" like this solves all the worlds problems....NOT

Trish knows I like her, hell I even offered her a place to escape to if she needed it but still she needs no one and no ones help but yet well all .....ahhh no point. I give up.

 

randy,......

matt....


you know i love you both dearly.

i really do.

thanks.

the things you say really do effect me, it just hasnt shown yet.

 

Feelings are mutual, Trish. I care about you a lot, and I am also very concerned about you as well. I know you probably don't believe that because I don't come across as being as warm-hearted and super-kind like some of your buddies here, but we're all different, and we all express ourselves differently.

 

Matt,

I pretty much believe everything you say so yes, i believe you on this and thanks.

You're one my fav. people on here.

 

I think people many people go through very extreme phases within their life. I know that I could barely relate to myself 10 years ago at this point in my life. Some deep elements are the same but my mindset is radically different, and my viewpoints. Sometimes it feels like all of the fog around you lifts and you can step back and see everything.

When I think about all of the things that have happened to me in the last 10 years and where I am right now, and from seeing people I know grow up, I know that at some point you will change and things will change for you.