Lil' old me...

Yeah, I thought about flashing metal horns and shouting "SHEMHAMFORASH! HAIL SATAN" but I thought a bit of loving-kindness (metta) would go a lot further.

 

Yup, I have some things to say to Bex, but honestly, if she didn't have her faith, she'd probably do something really stupid cos last year was positively the worst for her. oh and I'd lose the only one of my old freinds I'm still properly in touch with.

 

Faith can be a strong psychological crutch - people deride it for that reason, but sometimes people need something to lean on.
The crucial point comes when you no longer need your crutch.. but people keep leaning on it anyway out of habit, they don't realise they can stand on their own two feet.

 

Woah, you know, that's exactly how I felt when I let go of 'God', like I was supporting myself.

 

I never really had faith in the first place. At least, not in the "God the father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit" the school tried to push on me.
I had (and have) faith in the power of nature, the earth and the sky, the sun and the moon.
I distinctly remember in Year 1 or possibly 2, thinking during some hymn-singing, "Nature transcends this bullshit" (or words to that effect). I never "deconverted" because I was never a Christian in the first place, beyond the compulsory services and singing the schools made me do.

 

I'm not going to lie, when I was younger I was pretty passive. We had a woman vicar who used to come into school and somehow she persuaded me to go to church. I was even in teh church choir for a while! Thinking back though, although i called myself a Christian, I never really had much faith in God, I never praid, I used to believe in horoscopes and I would daydream (and often have ridiculously rude thoughts) during church. Which is why I now spend most of Sunday sleeping, my soul gets a rest!

 

I think if you asked a lot of so-called "Christians", they'd probably give much the same response. Social inertia keeps them from breaking free, like you've done.
Now isn't the freedom to believe what you want SO much more invigorating?

 

its brilliant! Like I've come out of a cave and into a waterfall!

 

Yep - I think everyone experiences at least a taste of that feeling at some time or other, it's just lots of people walk straight back into the cave again cause they're afraid of the light outside.
For me, that moment came about 13 years ago, when I realised that there was no way they could force me to believe anything! They could make my body sit down, stand up, etc but my soul was and is free.

 

Wish I had your way of thinking. But then I had severe self-esteem issues even back when I was 7. Bloody bullies.

 

Well, I'm not saying I've been immune to self-esteem issues cause I most certainly haven't - up until a year or so ago I was probably the most bipolar person you could find some days were great others I wanted to die. But I hated the idea of anti-depressants so i just said "oh, fucking well DEAL WITH IT" and pulled myself up by my own bootstraps.
And being able to ward off phyical violence helps, once you beat up a supposedly "hard bastard" bullies tend to avoid you.

 

The whole year turned against me in year 8, I stopped doing homework and got into trouble and I literally used to sit in the library reading every lunch time. I got ridiculously offensive and used to kick people who tried to talk to me. Arghh, why am I even telling you this??? But anyhoo, I got myself out of it by actually talking to people and not hitting them. I met my best mate because she was trying to get a sugar high and I said I'd join her. Funny how you can change in 2 years, i wouldn't recognise myself back then, I'm slightly shy, but I get on with it and I'm confident enough to think and do whatever the hell I like!

 

'Cause I'm a very likeable person
Self-confidence comes from the realisation that you're just as good as anyone.. in fact better than a lot of people!

 

Haha, true.
And also, I feel your on my wavelength, you actually know what I'm talking about! That's a pretty rare thing. You also seem to talk about slightly more intelligent things than what most of my friends talk about. My mate nicky last spoke to me saying she was cold, she hated her dad and that she was starving. Interesting...

 

Haha, "starving"? People use that word too much without thinking.
Longest I've gone without eating is 7 days and that was tough enough, even though the hunger pangs stopped at day 3 (fast for health reasons, pure water fast. Lots of people say juice fasts are better, but I tend to disagree though I wouldn't normally recommend a full water fast to my patients).
Bloody hell that was a long parenthesis.

 

I couldn't go without eating, I have trouble keeping weight ON! I've been 5 days without eating very much when I was ill with a funny fluey thing, I think i may have actually fainted.

 

Heh, I have the opposite problem.. keeping weight off is a challenge. When I'm ill i stop eating as well, then when I feel better I pig out!

 

Haha, true! it's a thing in my family that you either have the 'Scott legs' with wide thighs or the 'skinny hawkes' genes which makes you at least a stone lighter than everyone else. Some would call it ablessing, but I ahve to take all my skirts in!

 

'Tis better than having to let them all out!
I used to be a 34 waist, then I dropped a couple of sizes and none of my jeans fit! Thankfully I went back up to a 32 and now they're reasonably OK..
(I don't buy new clothes very often, only if they're cheap or my old ones wear out. i've got better things to spend money on).

 

I buy most of my clothes off ebay or from jumble sales. I have about 20 skirts in varying sizes and colours because the type I like ( long or patchworky) aren't really all that popular and so are really cheap. Mys ister frequently tells me to stop wearing curtains, but what the hell.
32" sounds a good size, I wouldn't worry about getting any slimmer!