Let's talk.

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

 

Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

 

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad. His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000." He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes". "Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes." And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!" And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"

 

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

 

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night." The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

 

Time for bed said Zebedee.

 

It looks like you are in real trouble with that hot girl friend of yours Doc!

 

Good morning all. Have a great day

 

...

Thank you Scott.
And you.

....
Good Morning talkers from a cloudy and chilly Colwyn Bay North Wales UK.

Fresh links to Live CCTV Cameras so you can see for yourself:

Looking towards the Sea here in Colwyn Bay:

Shared Live Stream | Nest

Looking towards railway bridge:

Shared Live Stream | Nest

.....

 

Spread the love today. xxxx

 

Well I have finally managed it . Looking at my upper body in the mirror this morning . I have finally regained my flat stomach . Like many I suffered whilst on furlough from boredom and as the Meerkat Advert stated " After the 26th visit to the fridge today" I did over indulge slightly on Quorn Picnic Eggs .Just to dispel a myth not everything Veggie is low fat.

Anyway its been a hard slog but I think I have finally got my reward . So I can wear my clingy T shirts and jumpers again . Woo Hoo

 

Yay good for you darling. xxx

 

Come on then Mysteron, let’s have a picture.
After all my friend.
If you’ve got it.
Flaunt it!

 

Thanks

Not on a Public Forum . Well not yet until I retire in 2 years time . I still have some important business contacts .

 

Don't anyway.
I say this. xxx

 

PEEING ON MY FLOWERS

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 note fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."


"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.


"Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"


"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20 or off it comes!'


"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"


"Not everybody pays."

 

A LOT OF US CAN RELATE TO THIS, TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
TANNERS AND BOBS . . . .

Back in the days of tanners and bobs,
When Mothers had patience and Fathers had jobs.
When football team families wore hand me down shoes,
And T.V gave only two channels to chose.

Back in the days of threepenny bits,
when schools employed nurses to search for your nits.
When snowballs were harmless; ice slides were permitted
and all of your jumpers were warm and hand knitted.

Back in the days of hot ginger beers,
when children remained so for more than six years.
When children respected what older folks said,
and pot was a thing you kept under your bed.

Back in the days of Listen with Mother,
when neighbours were friendly and talked to each other.
When cars were so rare you could play in the street.
When Doctors made house calls; Police walked the beat.

Back in the days of Milligan's Goons,
when butter was butter and songs all had tunes.
It was dumplings for dinner and trifle for tea,
and your annual break was a day by the sea.

Back in the days of Dixon's Dock Green,
Crackerjack pens and Lyons ice cream.
When children could freely wear National Health glasses,
and teachers all stood at the FRONT of their classes

Back in the days of rocking and reeling,
when mobiles were things that you hung from the ceiling.
When woodwork and pottery got taught in schools,
and everyone dreamed of a win on the pools.

Back in the days when I was a lad,
I can't help but smile for the fun that I had.
Hopscotch and roller skates; snowballs to lob.
Back in the days of tanners and bobs.

 

I remember those days

Tanner - 6 Pence piece 2.5p in to days money
bob - Shilling 5p in todays money

Their spending power has somewhat diminished !

I guess I am showing my age now !

 

Good for you Vlad. Xxx
Better on this thread where you share than my email. Xxxx

 

I was just kidding Mysteron.
But I can understand your reluctance to post pics online.
I have been known to do it, but possibly against my better judgment!