Let's talk.

Perhaps that Granny was an ex girlfriend of mine?
I hope so, as now I don’t feel so bad!

 

You bowled me over years ago Candy!

 

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause. She replies, “No.” Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts. Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?” And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.” Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour. This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent. Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?” “No. I’m Swedish.”

 

Afternoon peeps. Joe we on this fine Tuesday?. Just a quick stop in while on lunch.

 

One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sex. Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?" His dad asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" Timmy replies "No." "Then no." Dad replies. Later on he catches his dad looking at porn. Timmy asks "Can I look with you Daddy?" His dad asks again "Can your dick touch your ass?" "No." "Then no." Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies. His dad walks into the kitchen and asks "Can I have a cookie?" Timmy asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" His dad replies "Yes." "Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine!"

 

It’s very nice of you to do that Scott.
This makes us all feel wanted and loved!

PS.
Be afraid though.
Very afraid.
Candy is about!

Well it’s not Thursday yet.
Just warning in advance!

 

Your welcome bozzy mate.
That has me quivering in mee boots.

 

Well that's us (Scotland) into semi lockdown
No visitors inside or outside to other house holds. Pubs close for ten. Although some of you will be happy with me not going to the pub, considering how bad my spelling and nothing makes sense when drinking and typing on here of a Friday night lol. Norma after 1 drink too.
Looking at compulsory home working for those who can. Plus some stuff.

 

Apocalyptic times.

 

Scottie matey, I know you know of Irn brew, but have you ever heard of home brew ??? - defeat the blond khazi mop-head by making your own boooze at home !!!

 

I once read that Irn brew has something to do with the tory government.

 

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

 

This has popped up a few times.

 

Your great Timmy joke there reminded me of my working days Doc.
Seriously.
There used to be a really HOT Woman who worked in the office whose name was Tammy.
We used to call her Tammy Tampax!

 

​

 

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

 

Shopper in market flaunts his gun--shoots himself in the groin. Pulled out of his holster to show a friend, stuck it down his pants and accidentally pulled the trigger!!!!!! Lincoln City, Oregon. Darwin awards announced yet??

 

So yet again I am settling down to watch football.
This time Luton v Manchester United in the EFL Cup on Sky TV.
Kick off 8.15pm.
Well I am paying for football through my Sky payments so I just might as well watch it.

I will be rooting for Luton as I can’t stand Man. United.
So there!

Catch you laters though.

But before I go I leave you with a laugh!

 

Enjoy the game boozy.