Let's be honest here: chicks who don't sleep with you the first night

Totally agree. In fact I believe it's all of those depending on the woman. Some think it's gross doing it with strangers, others play games, others are not attracted, and maybe many more reasons, or a combination of those

 

Believe me child I would not desire you if you were the last person on earth. Anyways sex is not something I need the most in my life. There are other things that are more important to me. My brain is not in my crotch like yours is.

 

They think we'll change our mind, and put that little hope in the back of their head. Of course, there's always the chance I'll meet someone I really want all to myself, and that is the time I have to say, I like you TOO much to sleep with you.

Cherea figures if it doesn't happen on the first date, he has to go through the actions and wait for it to happen on date #6 or #7, and by that time the girl thinks they're in a relationship which is not the case at all. Cherea needs to be open about how he proposes they proceed. If a guy said to me, lets have fun, have sex, date others, and then discuss our feelings in 6 months, I think that is a plan I could live with.

 

Ok, now that the obvious has been stated, let me backtrack a little:

I invited her to come home with me on the second day. Now, did I want to have sex with her, yes. Was it a required aspect of coming home with me. No.

One of the most impoverishing aspects of the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule, is that it limits loving couples on a whole host of things that can also be done in bed. Like, watching silly youtube videos, cuddling, etc.

We could have had actual penetration, or we could not. Sex to me is far from being that cut and dried. I've had amazing body exploration sessions with girls that didn't involve penetration.

In fact, we were cuddling and patting in public (something I'm not that fond of), but because of the prohibition on 'being easy', now here I am 5 days later, forgetting her facial features and meandering through electronic equipment to keep in touch with her.

There's a lot more that is lost by the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule than mere penetration.

 

Your whole (online) vibe screams "i only like promiscuous girls who will have sex with me on the spot when I/she wants it, and any further complication to that means she is not worth my respect". This is not an attractive signal you send, and it's only going to work on women who truly just want your penis inside them right now, and then don't want to know your name.

You should ask yourself, what kind of woman are you trying to be with? If it's a girl who will sleep with you, your friends, do gangbangs, sleep with other guys same day as your dates with her . . . well just keep that attitude. but is that really the girl you want in your life? Or is that simply the only girl who you've been able to be with so far in general.

I think a first step for you to address this "vibe" you're putting out that's repelling women is in really addressing your views about them when they don't want to have sex with you immediately. Even if it's because of a "stupid rule" like "I don't sleep with guys on the first date". The ones who you broke that rule with were obviously just saying it to say it, and then as soon as push came to shove they spread their legs for you. So you don't respect them because they are bullshitters. But then the ones who actually stick by their word and DONT have sex with you on the first night, you're all "guyssssss, should I even bother??? it's been a WHOLE NIGHT and she hasn't opened her legs to me . . . is she a victorian prude? What game is she playing?"

You sound like you've been used and abused a lot, and are hanging out with women who are used to doing that. Damaged hearts man... how can you find real joy and intimacy with someone if all it is to you is a bartering of sex? I can tell you that if you're messing with a woman who's thinking of it in these terms, well, unless you want to be a fuck buddy trading card to be tossed at a moment's notice, you honestly shouldn't waste your time with her. But that's only if you are actually looking for something more. I'm not too sure what you're looking for, and I'm not sure you are sure either.

 

This is drifting away. The question was whether she said no (to sex, not to coming over) because you're not hot enough, right?
As Meliai said, it could be that or the other reasons.
Maybe she didn't want to go home with you because she thought you expected sex.

 

I am exactly sure of what I want, and I've laid it out in the forums time and time again. Either you get it, or you don't. If you're used to a certain dichotomy between sex and feelings, you won't get it. We're just wired differently.

Well, if she had that expectation, that would have been tantamount to saying no to sex, right?

I never suggested sex directly because I wasn't even sure I wanted sex that night. Yes, I have been in situations in which I did not want to have sex right away, but not because of a rule. What I wanted was privacy and to see what would happen. I won't be a hypocrite and say that sex wasn't a strong possibility, but like I said, to me it isn't that cut and dried.

What's sex anyway? Say, she had come over, and we had a laugh, and then I sucked her tits but nothing else. Or, she said she didn't want penetration and she helped me masturbate. Would that have been considered sex?

What is so silly about it is that all of the things I mention above we were very close to doing in public, but somehow, doing it in my apartment was too threatening.

Finally, if a girl has a rigid rule like that, what could I have possibly said to allay her fears? Probably nothing. She wouldn't trust me.

 

My last girlfriend was a total slut, but wanted to wait for penetration with me. It definately wasnt be ause she had any rule, it was because we shared a connection unlike our normal encounters. We dated for a couple weeks before having sex, and when we did it was extremely erotic. Very powerful.

The one before that was anything but a slut. She had only been with 2 guys before me. We fucked like crazy monkeys on our first date and that was awesome too.

I agree that having set rules about when to have sex is annoying. But sometimes people make that decision according to the individuals in question. They might feel a unique attraction and want to peruse the romance in a way they think will best help devolop that particular romance. I like that.

 

I just love how people will read a post on an internet forum and believe they know everything about some one. Amazing.

BTW, I’ve had plenty of partners and never contracted an STD either. I don’t like when people just “assume” that promiscuity automatically means that you’re a walking STD. Let's not go around promoting or suggesting false information on important topics like that.

If that's the case then why would they agree to go out with you?

Personally, I would never outright assume that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to take things slow. But when you have a rule of "no sex until...", that's telling me you refuse to open up and allow things to happen naturally. And who wants to deal with that? I know I don't.

This is a good point. You have to look at the girls you’re dating. Not every girl is down for a one-nighter or sex on a first date. So if you’re with that type of girl then it’s not you, cause she wouldn’t have slept with anyone.

 

I see nothing wrong with either of those scenarios.

Just curious LL, how would you define a slut?

 

Everyone knows hard set no sex on the first date goes out the window if for what ever reason she want to fuck someone. The rule only sucks if she uses it on you.

 

For fun and kicks, bisexual doesn't bother me. In a way, it's kind of hot, and the bi's I've been with are great lovers. But, truly.....I could not commit. That is because deep down, I'm traditional and monogamy is a decision that directly contradicts with being bi.

 

Didn't you feel slimied?

Yes, I've dated a couple of girls like that. Haven't had sex for 2 years (so they said), and wham! Fuck me on the first night.

I can't deny having a prejudice against girls who go 2 years without sex. Unless it was for a very specific reason (joined the nunnery, or something).

I'm going with the working hypothesis that I am juuuust cute enough to date, but not "couldn't resist him" hot. And that makes me safe. She thinks there won't be lots of chicks hitting on me, and she can just make me tag along like a puppy and put my dick in a jar for when she really needs it and has nothing better laying around.

The datezone.

 

Yeah, I could see a woman believing that. "No no, baby, it's ok. We're just going to cuddle and watch youtube videos."

 

LOL.....if the guy is a near stranger I'd rather fuck than cuddle

 

Is it only a card? Is there such thing as legitimate sexism? Is it a bad thing? Can it, and should it, be legitimately called out?

 

No. We saw more in eachother than just a fuck. Sometimes it's best to take things slow when heading into a relationship. Especially when both parties are accostomed to one night stands and casual sex, differentiating sex and love.



Looking at how that relationship ended out, we should have kept it just sex.

Self obsession is a huge turn off. Maybe she won't fuck you because you act like the world revolves around you.

 

Sex on the first date has zero to do with what kind of relationship one wants.

Pfff. Ok. I think you're running out of ammo here, buddy. That was a lazy cheapo if I've ever seen one.

 

That Ronaldo guy looks gross, like he'd be sticky if I touched him. I'd never sleep with him.

I'm married to a guy that I left on the couch the first night. True story.

When I was young and dating, I figured I could fuck whenever I wanted to. At that point I was looking for more, so anybody not interested in more could move along.

 

Sometimes it does. To some people it matters a lot. Some people it doesn't. My comment wasn't ment to be a cheap shot, just an observation. You're consintrating on what the woman feels about YOU when sometimes you need to be considerate of what they feel about themselves.