I feel more comfortable thinking of myself as gay around queer identified folks. When I'm around straight people, I feel more comfortable thinking of myself as bisexual. Can anyone tell me why?
Alrighty. So I registered just to ask a question here, and I hope to get some feedback. I figured I'd post here instead of making a new thread. I am 22 and have thought myself straight my whole life. Though to consider all sides of it, I was raised in a Christian (Baptist) home and I believed and followed it all up until right around graduating high school. But I never really looked at girls as dating material. Recently though, this has been changing. My best friend and I went through a brief period of pseudo-dating, seeing if things could turn into a romantic relationship there, since we were pretty much perfect for each other besides being the wrong gender. This fell through, which is fine with me, I'm perfectly content being friends, and nothing was changed because of the experiment. Things only got as far as one kiss before it was called off, and it was just a chaste peck before she went home for the night. But after this little experiment, I guess I've looked at girls as a dating possibility, and the forbidden feeling has been lifted in that area. I've thought of the sex aspect, being with a girl in public, all that. But I don't know if this is just... a silly curiosity or something that's real. And it would be horribly heartless to get involved with a girl just to discover that I really do only like guys. I also really support gay rights and just think being gay or lesbian is pretty cool and cute, so it could be that I just WANT to be a lesbian to feel different and interesting. So yeah. I'm a little confused right now. I guess I'm just asking for tips or advice as to whether or not I could be bisexual, or how to figure this out without hurting anybody.
@Purra - there is no way you can find this out by just thinking of it, mrs! Your entire post perfectly matches to any bi-curious profile, the only way you can find things out is by actually trying it and seeing how it really feels. In my opinion though, you're just going through the curiosity stage as MANY girls around that age. @purpledragon11 - to me this just sounds like you just want to be accepted by both groups - and you want it really badly, whether you realize it or not. It's a common knowledge that bisexuals aren't completely tolerated by the gay community so you're picturing yourself as 100% gay among them whereas you tell straight people you're bisexual for exactly the same reasons - you'd want them to feel like they can identify with you a little bit. (also, this is the way your mind attempts to increase your chances of getting laid in both groups ) My advice - accept yourself first and be proud of who you really are, no matter gay, bi or straight!
Ya know, I was afraid that would be the answer, but I wish it wasn't. I have nothing against trying it to find out for myself, I just don't want to hurt someone else because of it. It would be terribly selfish of me. And I don't go for casual sex, so it would have to be an in-depth relationship.
I have a very good friend who sounds like she went through a very similar situation as you. She really didn't like the idea of messing around with people when she was 'discovering' her sexuality. She was 21 at the time. She had a few flings, then a 4 year relationship with another woman. When she was 27, she started dating the woman that she believes she'll be with for the rest of her life. She's now 37 and has been in a long term relationship with her girlfriend for nearly 10 years. They even recently registered as a Civil Union Partnership. Why I mentioned all this is because all your relationships that you are going to have are going to be important experiences in your life that will form the person who you will be in the future. If you respect people, and are honest with them and yourself, then whatever you do will be right and the future 'you' will be grateful and most probably in a very happy relationship
Hello all...how y'all doing?I joined this site cos i have a concern i want your advice. I met this girl online and we became very good friends. After 6 months we decided to meet.She is curious and has a boyfriend. We had phone sex 2 weeks before we met and it was so good. We met Easter weekend and it was our very first time meeting. I travelled to her place to go see her. Well she got Baileys cos i was super shy and it kinda loosened me up.After taking a couple of glasses,she sat on my leg n said to do something to her..that was how it all started. I couldn't do much because we both were seeing our red flag. Well to cut the long story short..when she finished seeing hers, she told me and we did it again.I was pretty excited to feel what she was like inside. When i fingered her she told me she needed a long n strong dick to cum. Kinda pissed me off bt she wouldn't let me continue.I also realized she was holding back from giving her all.Kinda sucked. After the weekend encounter and her throwing herself on me, she told me she needed to talk to me. She said to me that she doesn't want us to do this again(she wants it to be a one time thing) because she has a man in her life she loves and he doesn't deserve this. I felt so sad but i kept my calm and told her i wasn't asking her to be serious with me. I left on Monday and she called me to confirm if i got home. We spoke for like 3 hours. The thing now is i don't know what to expect or what to do. I feel like i should stop talking to her or just let her know how bad i felt. She told me she wants us to stay friends. Please i need your advice and i am open to answering anymore questions.
You should first explain how you feel for her, and if you feel you can't be friends then you need to move on. The best thing is to respect her decision, and her boyfriend.
I'm falling for one of my best friends who's been helping me through a really hard separation/break up. Her and I are really similar and have so much in common. But she's in a long distance relationship and since I was cheated on in my last relationship I don't want to put her in that position of temptation. I don't know what to do because I don't want to stop spending time with her, but I also don't want to be experiencing temptation. And I don't know if the only reason I'm feeling this way towards her is because I'm legitimately attracted to her or if it's because she's been here for me through a really rough time. I don't know to do.
Ok well I need advise... I've been with my girl for 3 months N we live together because of distance reasons and I was the one to make the big move which is fine with me cuz I do love her and have since we started talking almost a yr ago... I think she's perfect and gorgeous and everything else... What I need advise with is that every time we start talking about parties and stuff like that ppl she starts talking about ppl she's hooked up with and stuff which I know sometimes you can't help but I get really jealous and stuff and I start feeling bad because I know they were in the past and I'm in the present... What gets to me the most is the chick she was with before me and the fact that she wanted me to become best buddies with her which I seriously couldn't do... My gf invited her over one afternoon cuz they were best friends (which totally ruined the day) and I felt like I became invisible... And they seemed like they were flirting... I just don't know what to do cuz I feel worse being the reason they don't talk anymore...
Hi ladies I'm totally new here, so I hope I'm going about this the right way. I was wondering if anyone out there has maybe gone through a break up like the one I find myself in right now, and how you chose to handle things. I've been with my girlfriend for over three years. I have a son and she has a son and older daughter who is also living with us and just had her first baby. Things have been rough for awhile. One major issue is that my gf doesnt like my son. She cant really define why but cant seem to get over it. Last year my son and I almost moved out because of this, but at the last minute, my gf got on some antidepressants and realized how irrational she was being and asked us to stay. She was very determined to make things up to my son and have us all be a happy family again. Now after a rough winter and a change in her meds. We're back to her not wanting to be in the same room as him, ever. She see's this as a problem him and I have to deal with, not something she needs to work on. I suggested counseling and she laughed at me. At this point, she also has no desire to be in a relationship with me. She's just done all around. As for myself, I am just ....heartbroken. I really thought we could work things out. And to me this isn't like any other break up I've been through. I was really convinced that this was absolutly the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. OK so here's my dilemma. She's not asking me to move out, but she'd understand if I did. If it wasn't for the kids involved I'd be gone already, never mind the fact that I have no place to go. My son doesn't want to move. He and her have figured out a way of just sort of ignoring each other, and on the surface he seems to be fine with it. But I don't know whats worse, living like that with someone who doesn't like you, or uprooting him and starting over from scratch someplace new? And I don't know if I can stay. I'm very hurt, and angry and I feel like my world is falling apart. Has anyone ever gone through a break up where you both stayed in the same home? How did it go? Anyone ever had this experience of having your partner strongly dislike your child?
Hey Everyone, Lets start of by saying im a virgin dunno if dats a bad or gud thing, i respect my body and i the past i have been seeing men cause i haven't cum out to anybody of my family and friends i've worked with because i feel its none of their business, its my life and i am tryin to push on by and try and be the person i wanna be and not another straight girls who people like my family wants me to be. i've known i was a lesbian from a very young age!! but can't bring myself to meet a girl i never go out only when it is at a family celebration or birthday party noone new of social, because my mum brought me up strictly n never allowed me out into the real world till i was 18 nw im cuming 20 in june i think ive been holded in so long im terrified to step out of line or let my guard dwn, sum times i wanna disapear fade away or die or hav a terriable accident to c who would cum c who my true friends r id say noone cause none sees me i feel!! it sucks at times knowing im a lesbian and i can tell noone i can't be myself at home at all i am acting as a straight girl around family n college wish i could go away and start fresha nd meet a girl who enjoys the same things i do
Nackyxx, life is too short to be wasting any second of it. I know it's easier said than done, but you've got to break through. You've got to start walking and fully living in your own skin. Each human is entitiled to absolute and equal happiness. Yes, I understand you are scared, I understand you live in fear, but hey, you'll never know what's behind that door unless you find the courage within to open it. You were perfectly created, be who you are, don't waste another minute of your borrowed time. You may lose a few, but you'll gain so much more, trust me. Step out of that dark and lonely closet, it was not made for you. Life can be so beautiful, embrace and be all you were created to be.
I know Im new but if anyone has feelings for a friend or close person, tell them. My girlfriend and I met in our junior year of high school when I was 16 and she 17. Everything was normal until I was 19 and she was 20 and we were at her house with her husband and my husband. We played a truth or dare game and her husband (kinky ass lol) dared us to make out for 5 min. So we did and that wast he first time I realized I liked her as more than just my best friend. Everytime we were together, we would try to do something sexy. She's been married 10 years and me 8 and she has 3 kids and I have 2. We are both happily married to our husbands but both love being together also. We are lucky and our kids are bigger and in school and our husbands both work so we have plenty of alone time. Both our husbands are very supportive, more so knowing who we are with. We are very open to them about it.
I just came out to my mom and shes fine with it and all but I told her I was bisexual but I know Im lesbian. My mom is very traditional so me telling her I also liked me kept her from freaking out but I know Im lesbian. Im really new to this. How can I meet girls? how do you know if a girl is Les? Any advice?
I don't know what to do, can someone give me advice? Hello everyone! I have a friend for the past 7 years that I consider to be like a sister to me. Over the years we have spent a lot of time together and are very close although we have also had a falling out and reconciled. Recently it has seemed to me that she is trying to come out of the closet slowly or something. I don't know what her problem is if it's true. We are both from NYC and have been around gay people all of our lives. I'm unconventional myself and have nothing against gay people and I'm non-judgemental so I can't see why it would be such an issue. I always thought that she is nothing but a tomboy (we're both in our early 40s) because she loves sports and mostly dresses in dark colored sweatsuits and sneakers (on her job she can dress this way). My ex-boyfriend, who is very intuitive and has never been wrong when judging a person's motivations or explaining their behavior to me (I'm BAD at picking up subtleties) kept telling me that she is gay and in love with me. I would tell him that he is ridiculous and jealous of our close relationship because she does have relationships with men. They only last for a few months at a time but I always thought it was because her standards are too high. Sorry to go on so long but I'm really confused about this because if it's true, why won't she just come out and say so instead of dragging the process out over the last couple of years? Well, here are the indicators: - She is a jokey person and has made several jokes about "coming out of the closet" - Sometimes when she and I go out, she dresses up like she's going out on a date with me - Often she will physically place herself between me and guys who are trying to check me out. This is very blatant - Was always super critical of my ex although he is not a bad guy - My ex first noticed her unwarranted hostility toward him and brought it to my attention - She has asked me several times to come have drinks with her and spend the night at her house and sleep in her bed with her (we both have a lot of free time since our kids are grown and she only has one bedroom in her house) - She has been wearing all black lately like she is depressed (she suffers from depression off and on) yet for no apparent reason causing the depression right now. - She has lately been wearing an unflattering and mannish and man-repellant hairstyle -She has hung out for a weekend with an all-lesbian group at least once that I know of - Lately she wants to know ALL the details of my sex life. This makes me uncomfortable because I don't usually discuss it with anyone, but we are so close that I answer any question she asks me. - She is one of those people who often won't say what is really on her mind. - A couple of things I thought she did just because we are close friends but now wonder if it is because of deeper feelings: - she will almost always change plans with anyone else to spend time with me if I think of last minute plans. When we go out, she never wants to end the outing and instead likes to sit chatting with me for hours after our meal is over. So is she a lesbian trying to come out? Could she still be unsure in her 40s? Why should it be a big freaking deal? I couldn't care less if she is or isn't I'd still love her the same. My ex says the issue she is probably struggling with the most is not that she is a lesbian (and he is convinced that she is sexually active with the same sex idk) but that she loves me and doesn't know how to deal with it since I'm heterosexual. I feel that if I come straight out and ask her, she will deny it. Afterall, she's been hinting about this for the past couple of years rather than just saying so. Plus, I feel stupid if I'm reading too much into her behavior. Can someone help me with what if anything I should do? If I ask her and she denies it, I think it will create an uncomfortable space between us where she suspects that I suspect that she is lying. That's why I hesitate to ask. Thank you to anyone who will take the time to help me understand how to approach this situation. Or should I just leave things alone?
help ive been straight all my life and just finished a relationship with a woman that lasted 9 months she just seams to get over it fine and im a wreck
What happens when you lose all interest in.... i guess... people? For instance, i feel nothing when i look at a very beautiful woman and i have never felt anything for men.
Hello, everyone. I just joined. c: I was wondering if anyone could give me some insight or suggestions or...I don't know. I'm just going through one heck of an ordeal at the moment and not sure what's going on! I'll start by giving you a little background information...I am 23 years old and was raised in a very conservative, Christian home. Now, yes, I am a Christian and I also love my parents to death. But I have very, very different views than they do. They are against gays and gay marriage and all that junk...so I was raised to be expected to be attracted to men. Which I am. But when I was around, oh..13 or 14, I guess, I realized that I liked looking at women. For example, every time a Victoria's Secret commercial came on, my eyes were glued to the screen. haha That was when I first realized it. But I quickly squashed it away and tried not to think about it, because of my family. I am now married to a wonderful and amazing man. It's been just over a year and things have been good, but I have also noticed an increase in thought about women...I have only felt attracted to a few women that I have met in my life, I suppose because this feeling is so unexplored and new. I know that I have always become much more aroused and excited when thinking about women than men. And with my husband, it usually takes some time to get me in the mood...and I feel bad about that. I actually had a crush on one of my friends in high school who came out when she was a Sophomore. I am happy for her that she did, but I also envy her because she was able to.. Anyway, my big issue right now is my brother-in-law's wife...My husband is a twin, and his twin got married this past August. I did not meet her until 2 days before the wedding (but that is another story). This is not something I have ever encountered happening to me. I went over to their house 2 days before the wedding to help her decorate, and when I walked upstairs and she came around the corner and I saw her for the first time...it was like I got the wind knocked out of me. Laugh if you want, but it actually was like that. I thought that was only for movies! She's incredible....and married to my brother-in-law...but we've become like best friends since that day. And I love her dearly. I pushed those feelings away at first, and thought I had won. But then one day we were talking and she told me that she had had girlfriends before, so of course that sent me reeling again. That she isn't completely off to girls. That there could be a chance. But...she's my brother-in-law's wife! And he and I were very close at one point, so that would be like a huge betrayal. But I can't stop fantasizing about being with her...moving away with her...being together. Gah...I just don't know what to do! I love my husband soooo much. He is my best friend in the world and he does make me happy...yet, I still yearn for more...and I crave her so much. I'm lost
Alright. My turn I guess. Here it comes. This is a very sensitive topic to me.Please be nice I am a lesbian. At least I think I am. I stare at women since I have grown boobs. I have had my first sexual experience with a girl. Even though I also had boyfriends, long terms (4,5 years aprx) I would fantasize women not only sexually. When I was younger, I went out a lot and would go to gay bars in Europe. My oldest cousin is gay. He is 43 now and has been out since he was 13! Another cousin of mine is gay. At least that is what she says. She is very feminine, long hair and only wants girls that look just like her. She is 25. I think she does it more because of sex since she is playing with men as well. Now the thing with me is very difficult. I am the youngest of all my cousins of older generation and the oldest of the youngest generation. So I am pretty much alone and VERY different from the rest of the crowed. I had many many boyfriends that-i thought- i truly loved- but always cheated with other men for sex. But the only thing that would turn me on would be the thought of a woman.I have had affairs with women. In 2004 I would finally break up with my long term on and off boyfriend (of 6years). I liked him a lot, sex was good but I would always be with other girls behind his back. Once I broke up I wanted to focus on just me and my job. I partied hard and enjoyed life and to my own surprise no ons's for 13!! months. I just wanted to find out what I want and need. On my 28 birthday I ran into my best friend that I had years ago. He had everything what I wanted. I fell in love with him. And 12 months later we got married. And NOW it gets dramatic. I think, LOVING someone and being IN love with someone is a big difference when it comes to being gay or not. I learned that I am the perfect wife for him, but I was never really happy. He knows I like girls and before we got married he clearly asked if I was sure. He has always taking me serious. I am NOT bi sexual. However it has been almost 8 years after we got married and we already split after 4 years for about 5 months. Him still living at my house and fighting for me. While I was lost in the woods hanging out with my best friend, she is also gay and engaged since 4 years and they are happy. She called me AMOURSEXUAL. Like I can love both genders but not sex related or something. To be honest with you guys. I am changing so much. I am not that pretty spanish girl anymore with her long hair. I chopped off my hair and wear a funky boycut. It looks sexy to me. And I see more and more girls like to look at me and complimenting me. I would probably left my best friend-my husband- already if i wouldnt be so religeous and we hadn't 2 kids together. They are 4 and 12. I mean I am almost 38. I am not in a experimental stage anymore. It is not sexual. I feel for women. I think, Im a butch . A cute one. And i feel alone. I feel like i am disrespectful and selfish. I have always been faithful to him. Accept one time. She just came out of the closet. But she was just looking for fun. I dont want that ! I am serious and I want to be taken serious. Im fragile right now. Am I a lesbian that totally missed and messed it up to come out and now its too late??!
From what I read I think you should ask her, but you don't really have to be too direct if you feel that the conversation is going to turn out bad. If this have been going on for years, than I guess it is time to have a talk with her. If she has feelings for you and now you know from her, my question fro you is do you have any kind of feelings for her. If not than it would hurt her and most likely create space between the of ya'll. It's going to be different because now you know the truth, either this will make you feel uncomfortable or happy (if you like her back) and I hope you haven't been leading her on if you don't have any feeling towards her. And for what your ex says, I do believe that you can be hetrosexual and fall in love with someone with the same sex. You can fall in love with someone personality and just love begin with that person. You don't have to worry about labeling yourself.
