Leave some sorta comment...

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by MindxSmoke, Jan 6, 2005.

  1. MindxSmoke

    MindxSmoke Member

    Desert wind & heroin friends
    Lonely coyotes with astranged dreams
    Hollywoods finest cocaine stars
    Pirate treasure & rain clouds
    Mine for the taking, but they're
    all ours

    My eyes twinkle with pain
    And a buzzing sound thats driving me insane
    I wish I could see the future
    New Ice Age but no further

    I want to set my world on fire
    Its just a test, dont switch that dial
    The tone in your ear is just a question
    It echoes because it has no sense of direction

    The suspense is dull and gray
    Wishing my problems would just fade away
    All at once, day by day
    Empty them out like a hand made ashtray
     
  2. kjhippielove88

    kjhippielove88 color + rhyme

    i truely love your poem. great work and excellent wording
     
  3. MindxSmoke

    MindxSmoke Member

    Thank you. Thank you very much.
     
  4. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

    'Empty them out like a hand made ashtray'


    I like that line. Don't know why, it just seems to stick out the most. 'handmade ashtray'...like a cupped hand holding dust to the wind mayhaps?
     
  5. MindxSmoke

    MindxSmoke Member

    I made an ashtray with a peace sign in the middle in school. in my native american studies class.
     
  6. kjhippielove88

    kjhippielove88 color + rhyme

    these two lines are so powerful
     
  7. BlackGuardXIII

    BlackGuardXIII fera festiva

    Welcome To Hell


    One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in his sel- pity, In deep despair, trying to fathom an eternity of extreme torture, he has his first meeting with the devil.

    Devil: You’re new! Feel at home, I like all the new residents to be settled. Hmmm, Why so glum, chum?

    Guy: What do you think? I screwed up, I was bad even though I knew better, so now... I'm in hell.

    Devil: Hey, Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinkin' man?

    Guy: Sure, I drink quite a bit, with the guys after work, nights out, watching football games, anytime.

    Devil: Well you’ll love Mondays. On Mondays all we do is drink. Rum, Whiskey, Vodka, Tequila, Gin, wine, beer, highballs, you name it. We drink till we puke, then we drink some more.

    Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Let’s see, that’s only four days away. I can’t wait.

    Devil: You a smoker? If you are...have I got a treat for you.

    Guy: You better believe it. All my life, two packs a day, no filters, and cigars, too.

    Devil: Alright! You'll love Tuesdays. We get the best cigars from around the world, even Cubans, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie - you're already dead, remember?

    Guy: Wow. That's awesome. I love those Cuban cigars, kinda hard to get back home.

    Devil: You look like a man who likes to gamble. And not too bad at it either, am I right?

    G uy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do, and well, some say I play a mean blackjjack game.

    Devil: Well... Wednesday you can bet all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. And then, if you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. It’s the biggest casino on the other side.

    Devil: And, hey, we can speak freely here, honestly, are you into any drugs?

    Guy: Are you kidding? I love all the drugs. You don't mean....

    Devil: Yep! Thursday's drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's alright - you're dead, who cares? O.D.!!

    Guy: Yowza!! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place.

    Devil: You gay?

    Guy: No....

    Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), You're gonna hate Fridays . . .


     
  8. Dee doo bee boo baa.
     
  9. BlackGuardXIII

    BlackGuardXIII fera festiva

    Perforce & pro forma, henceforth & in perpetuity, implacably & without umbrage, our providential predilection & proclivity to parsimony has predisposed us to post this preemptive promulgation. At our prerogative, without prejudice, pursuant to our aforementioned profligate perfunctory placation of portentious presuppositions substantiating polemic perfidy, this prima fascia proviso is a proscription to you to heretofore advocate the insubstantiation of all preceding pontifications, as this precis holds precedent. Thus, we contumaceously & importunately requisition you to precipitously endeavour to repudiate, ameliorate or extirpate all anomalous, incommensurable, egregious & extemporaneous prognostications individuating nebulous variegated conterminous physiological peripheral phenomena erroneously delineating any prodigious preponderance of incipient, spurious, specious, execrable, peripatetic, & equivocal differentiations inherently & indisputably exhibited by, & inseparably & irreparably incorporated into an exceedingly minuscule percentile of all pelagic, priapic protuberances demonstrably perceptible in the heterogeneous sub-genus of these all too infrequent atypical salamander zygotes. This inexplicable anthropomorphic transmogrification is ostensibly paradoxical to the obsequious, obfuscating prevarications of this vociferous assemblage of anti-disestablishmentarianists whose implicit, compensatory postulations appertaining to the capricious, audacious, vexatious & perspicacious self-aggrandising, stentorian iconoclasts who invariably purport to adjudicate; surreptitiously, perniciously & salaciously encumbering indistinguishable exascerbating existentialistic irrationalities expeditiously constructed expressly to irrefutably corroborate the incorporeal sanctimonious polysyllabic sesquipedalian verbosities prevalent in this interminably & inexorably proliferating multitudinous profusion of disingenuous, & preternaturally inculcated nomenclature.
    Sometimes.
     
  10. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    not sure what i just walked in on. Your poem lacks cohesion....I have no idea what you're trying to tell me.
     
  11. puddin

    puddin Banned

    That welcome to hell thing is a fuckin pisser. Good poem at the start too.
     
  12. hi there

    i like the way you write of your need for change
    the world and yourself.........

    maybe you should look at this poem in years to come
    and see the difference in your world ..then outside..

    keep writing ,
    love n peace from saff
     
  13. MindxSmoke

    MindxSmoke Member

    thanks.
     

Share This Page


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice