I have been married to my husband for 5 1/2 years. He's a wonderful guy, but we are lacking in the sex department. I always initiate any time we make love. He seems not interested. We both have health issues and that doesn't help, but I don't get much affection either. I find myself having to ask for hugs, kisses, cuddling, etc. All of this has been a blow to my self esteem. I feel unwanted. Not a good feeling when you love the person you're with.
Look to how you’re husband grew up, maybe he didn’t get allot of cuddles as a child and finds the situation awkward.i think just because he doesn’t touch you all the time does not mean he has no love for you, some people are just that way. You are a cuddly person and he is not, it is what it is, we are all different.
Well some people are just not that touchy feelie kissy kissy type, but lacking in the sex department, that doesn't seem right. Does he show affection in his own way? Is he getting it somewhere else? Is there a porn issue? Is he depressed? Is he taking medication for depression? That will leave you flat. Does everything work well when you do have sex? Maybe his health issues makes that a little problematic and it's embarrassing. Usually, it's the other way around 'oh, he wants sex all the time...what can I do....' Try to spice things up a bit, do what he really likes to get him going. KEEP initiating, keep it going. Scheduled sex at least happens. We've all had that conversation 'honey, I need more sex, how can we make that happen?' I've found, the more you do it , the more you want to do it. With the stress going on today, it's easy to get in your head and get into the no sex rut. Get off the internet, put your phones away, turn off the TV, talk and be with each other. Woman to sex therapist: "Doctor, I don't know what to do, he's a maniac, he wants sex all the time, like three times every week !" Man to sex therapist: "Doctor, I don't know what to do, she never wants to have sex, it's only like three times a week..."
If he's on an SSRI like Prozac or such, that's a big sex drive killer and can give you a general flat emotional feeling. Yeah, you're not stressed or depressed, but you just don't really care about much...flat... One SSRI that is off label prescribed for libido boost is Wellbutrin/bupropion it works well, almost too well for that, but it keeps me from choking anyone........ The problem is, getting off the other stuff can be hard.
Relationships are always hard to fathom out, To most of us it's a matter of equating out the Pro's & Con's. Is your sex-life a major concern but one you can live with? seemingly unhappy, because everything else in the relationship is good and worth continuing. If the answer is negative then you also have options try to find a lover to take care of your sexual needs thats lacking in your marriage. This option works for a high number of partnerships, however; not everyone wants to go down that road. So we go back to trying to talk with him about your concerns. This can also be hard to express your feelings on this matter, enough for him to change, as many men do not like to talk about intimate details of their sex life. If the present situation continues to be of concern and there is no chance of things changing then the obvious remedy would be to divorce and try a new relationship. (About one in three marriages end in divorce) My advice would be to live with someone for some time before making any new commitment, say at least 3 years. You only get one chance at life and time marches on real quick.
monogamy noun mo·nog·a·my mə-ˈnä-gə-mē 1 a: the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time b: the state or custom of being married to only one person at a time c: zoology : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time By definition, monogamy strongly implies a sexual relationship. If one member of the dyad is unwilling or unable to engage in sexuality, the marital expectation of monogamy functionally becomes a demand for celibacy. Humans are inherently sexual beings with legitimate needs for physical contact and intimacy, including sexual gratification. Such expectations that someone accept what constitutes a life sentence to celibacy is not only unreasonable, but cruel.
