i dont know what the fucks making me like this. im sitting here alone, feeling so shitty. wanting to go out, but not wanting to call anyone. im just so god damned depressed. im about ready to burst into tears for no reason. constantly so much shit going on. so much negative shit. i cant take any more negativity. i just want to sleep. this day has been so long, and it just keeps dragging on and on and on...... i need some fucking drugs. i've been sober for way too god damn long. brads suppost to buy the coke this weekend, i dont know how much longer i can wait. i dont want to be like this anymore. i just want to fucking sleep.
you sound like you are too lazy to pull yourself out of a stressful sittuation. dude, don't ride the white pony (crack), just stick to marijuana. why? cause its a STRESS-RELEIVER. i don't find the hard drugs pulling you out of a mess. and please, be calm and collected before you do anything cause it pisses me off when people don't care and blame the drug for the bad trip. get out of the house and under the sky, the computer sounds like its draining you of sanity. don't sleep, that brings dreams of depression and you are just waking back up to your normal boring state. call a friend. no offence but you seem to not want to get out of this negative sittuation with the obvious options. don't be so mean to yourself. GET OUT! its friday dude!
Ya i feel ya man, who needs to face your problems head on, its much more fun when i take the quick way out
just bein honest. that actually did make me feel better though. i need to be slapped in the face once in a while. typing "the f-word" over and over does wonders, and god damn has always been one of my favorite expressions. i guess i've just been carrying those same thoughts in my head all day on repeat, and to actually express them.... helps. makes things seem closer to reality. back to real time. i've got to stop being such a negative nancy.
its ok, we aren't all perfect. hell i go through those phases probably once a year...its horrible, i don't get along with parents, i don't do anything right, i'm unmotivated. i *dread* being depressed so to boost my own happiness and reasons to keep myself from being sad if i ever am, i always tend to force myself to make the other complainers/depressed kids happy. it works wonders for myself and most of the time, those around me. i hope you get out of your phase, it sucks, its like a hole in the ground.
my phase has progressed into something stranger. i cant really describe the mood that im in now. i need a good comedy. depression for me is strange. there's first that numbness. that period of time when you can feel it creeping up and you do your best to avoid it, and to ignoor it but it keeps creeping in. eventually it builds up into that crippling depression period. no energy. no motivation. no nothing. and you start to suspect that maybe you already ARE sleeping. and it goes on and on it seems, and then i stubb my toe and its like "great, a perfect end to a crappy day" and then there's that period of laughing at yourself for being so pathetic... and then you take a look around and realize that "yeah, people you know are dying, and you're probation meeting is in a week, and graduation is in four days and you dont know what to do, and the car needs new brakes but all your money's spent, and the computers fucked, and the 20 hours of community service is due july 7th but nobody will take a drug offender, and brad keeps making excuses but you dont want your money back, you want the god damned coke, and you start to suspect that he's fucking you because his nose is running and he's chewing gum all day and wont stop talking in your ear and he knows you've lost your other connections, yes sir, no sir, and everythings changing, and emily keeps calling with nothing to say, sitting on the other end with wide eyes mouth gaping searching for something to say, so you sell her some outragiously over priced vicodin, kind of a shitty thing to do, but its money in my pocket. but you'd even take her company right now if she didnt have strep throat. and piss in this cup, and hours to live, and mortality is waving its harry white ass in your face and laughing and you're a nervous reck because you said you'd quit smoking 3 days ago and you better not get caught, cos they'll violate you for that and that'll be more court dates and legal action, and you're way to sober to take it all in" but its all so stupid. you realize you have no control, and you realize how rediculous all that is. you give in and the stress just breaks down into laughter, you dont even know why. but frusteration is funny. i need to stop being such an impulsive typist.
Well, that's the spirit! You should feel better about life in NO time with that attitude man! So...which do you want more? Sleep or drugs?
well i would if you could guarantee me conciousness after death. i love camping. i think thats just what we need, a huge fire. yeah.
yay your pulling yourself back to reality. see, familiarize yourself with what is good and pleasant and think about it, do it... the dperssion usually subsides after that.