Just Lost My Fuck Buddy

I never chased males.When i was approached by potentials i just decided the type of relationship i wanted with them.

Then i got bored with them and moved on to women which are a headache but more fun in bed imo.

Although i got a gf so im not activaly seeking suzie.

 

My "fwb" moved 45 minutes away, it's as if i've lost her. cant be bothered to drive out there for that.

 

Must not be good sex then

 

Columbo!!

 

If you don't want to base your love life on stereotypes from popular media and clichés it is worthy to point out you have to take VG's advise with a grain of salt.

 

I do get that feeling, but at the same time, they are stereotypes for a reason. I never liked the idea of traditional candlelit dinner dates and long walks on the beach... till someone took me on one. It was not a first date so all the scary pressure was off, and I thought "well I guess this is what all the fuss was about..." I still think it would be boring to do all the time, but I do despair a little that wanting that once in a while would classify me as a stereotypical self-centered needy woman... I like gender roles to a degree (as I am mostly submissive and like a strong male dom), but I also like bending them all to shit when I'm in a certain mood, and I just feel like these complications coupled with my baggage from my past are going to either make my standards too specific and I will never find what I want or I will just attract crazies... or worse, another narcissist. I'm a little more optimistic and open-minded than I have been this past year, but I'm certainly not going to put up a dating profile. It's too much like online shopping. And it's actually kind of a commitment, or at least a statement that I'm ready to be in a relationship again.

And you know what? I like my nights off to watch netflix with the cat or go see my friends or drive up route 1 for no reason if I wanna or god, just clean my damn house! I've spent so much time angsting over relationships over the last year that my apartment still looks like a college dorm- bare walls and plastic furniture and piles of unsorted crap. I like cranking the thermostat and not worrying about leaving dishes in the sink overnight and making weird-smelling foods and being my own boss with no obligations... Eventually I'm sure it will get old, but I've fought a long time for this independence and I'm not ready to give it up. The closeness, the security, the excitement of starting something new, etc, I've realized are all perks that I have not earned until I am ready to do the legwork, and I'm just not. I still feel like those things are important. I still think love is the meaning of life. I've realized I don't have to give that notion up entirely if I decide to just dick around for a while doing my own thing. :daisy:

 

Omg!.. is your apartment really that messy?. Hun if you are hiring im your house keeper. Monica from friends Type

 

Reading your response (mysterious firespark) I get an idea about your approach to find balance between what your longing for and what how you really wanna live. Is the pile of dirt dishes in the sink you live for or is there the obligation to keep it sweet and neat? Plus some things are hard to recognize you are unwilling to accept in the partnership but these are sooooo tiny to mention - nevertheless many a little makes a mickle. Yeah... balance....

My ex some years before split of - she complained heavily about me sipping tea, slurping loudly - cz tea was way to hot ;-) I never understood - also not her eagerness to convince me to stop me. To some extent I reduced it but kept it nevertheless.... I couldn't give up that attitude not even for her. And the more you are intertwined the more it gets harder to stay for yourself - but thats the challenge - isn't it this the reason to go in relation - to figure out where ones own limits are and how to deal with them?

If you wanna stick to your shabby look of your apartment how will you ever see the limits of it if not being in relation? Even if you try it the way sunflower84 suggested is a way to deal with it - cause than your in relation a hired naked man ;-D

 

What? Naked manservant, you say? Why didn't I think of that before?!
But no, wouldn't work. I'm too much of a control freak. Need to know exactly where everything is, even if it's buried under a pile of stuff in the bedroom. I KNOW WHERE IT IS.

To clarify, my apartment isn't DIRTY. Like, there aren't germs and filth everywhere. It's just cluttered and disorganized, because I have very little storage and I haven't sorted through things or gotten rid of things in years... I'm figuring out a system and I have taken two carloads of clothes to goodwill in the last two days. (Came back with a set of Avon Cape Cod collectible glassware, but that's neither her nor there, lol). My current system consists of mostly shoe boxes under the bed at the moment. However, that's temporary until I can afford to do differently.

I just have this feeling that when my apartment is organized, then I can have people over and that's when I can start living my life. it's a lot of other things too, like when I have a TV in the living room and a new cushion on the futon so it more comfy, when I have a whole new wardrobe and when I lose weight... A whole lot of things that I'm sure shouldn't be holding me back, because ideally, the right person would love me or be able to fall in love with me without the circumstances being absolutely "perfect," since it's not like life is perfect... But still, I know it would make me feel better to have everything together first. the problem is, it's so slow-going that I'm afraid half of my life will be gone before I feel like I'm presentable enough and my life is together enough...

This shit's hard. :wall:

 

Of course! But some times realizing this will trick people in going with them... which can be unfortunate when it is about your future, or even short term lovelife The real trick is to realize how these stereotypes, clichés and generalisations (which indeed have come into existence because they apply on a lot of people/in a lot of situations) APPLY ON YOU (and maybe it even differs per situation). Then you can see that sometimes your wishes or behaviour might fit the clichés really well but often also really not. Just because they may apply on a majority of people and situations doesn't mean they count for everyone and everything.... not nearly always.

 

Except they do apply to everyone and everything

7 billion people on the planet, and not a great deal of variation, only a small subset of responses with any given situation.

We are all extremely predictable and very far from unique

 

But not in the same way. That's why living your life by clichés or where it comes to your lovelife and go with a stereotypical conclusion because 'it is a stereotype and stereotypes are there for a reason so it must be true for me too' will often be a bigger fallacy than thinking twice about it and figuring out what one as an individual really wants, needs or should do, even if it goes against a stereotype that seem to work for let's say 80% of all people

 

There are probably 500 million guys in the world just like you.

Dont exactly have the same job, read the same books, watch the same movies. But will pretty much answer the same questions in the same way, say the same things, respond the same way under certain conditions, just sometimes in another language.

You hate that dont you, every 100 peole anywhere on the planet, there are 3 Asmos

 

I thought I'm unique but sounds like others have duplicates as well - hope I never meet one of my clones otherwise I'll smash against the next wall due to his humor

 

you're assuming you're a better fighter than your duplicate, maybe he'll smash you against the wall before you have a chance.

 

Well than, at least I survive - either in form of myself or in form of my duplicate ;-) Whoever is more original

 

Maybe you should stop thinking about the fuck buddy thing, (you can masturbate ya know) and make your place a home. You'd be surprised at how your mood and attitude can change with having a calmness in your surroundings. A cluttered home makes for a cluttered mind.

 

Its weird when you see the doppelgangers

20 years later its some guy thats the spitting image of your best friend in high.school or some guy that beat you up, so you want to punch the doppelganger in the face. Some girl that looks just like your cousin did etc etc

With the anglo-saxans Id say there are a dozen or so facial features that keep on repeating, i say anglosaxans as thats my family and what I pay attention to the most. I have one cousin in particular who is very generic looking in that whitey.anglo saxan way, keep seeing her duplicate all the time.

 

I've noticed that... It's like god ran out of ideas and started re-using templates, lol. In NY, I had a friend named Katie that was short and stocky, big boobs, very strong jawline, sandy hair... Moved to Maine and met a friend named Katie that was short and stocky, big boobs, very strong jawline, sandy hair... I was like wtf... It was so confusing when they both posted on facebook, lol. Thankfully they aren't exactly the same because the first Katie turned out to be a raging bitch, where the current Katie is much more compassionate.