Just Lost My Fuck Buddy

Learn to keep people dependent on you

"To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied upon, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you"

--Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power.

 

A good partner (whatever that might entail for someone) doesn't hurt of course. But not all times in a life are good times to try and look for one. Still, wouldn't say to stop looking, just not fixate on it or depend on it Same with good friends (whatever gender, although ladies might be easier to relate to? Not sure. At least you can rule out the sex or relation aspect then). They also would not hurt to have in one's life of course, but as has been pointed out by OP sometimes when it appears hard to find likeminded people or make new friendships it is better to not depend on that search for your happiness. I can fully understand that less good friends, or better said, some fun 'acquaintances' are good enough at this time in your life... Sometimes it is just like that It would be cool if you are ok about a fuckbuddy to have one but it seems bad when there are codependance issues (...obviously, I would add ). But when I say issues here I want to emphasize that I think OP is really fairly normal. Except most people I know do not share these thoughts and doubts in the public. So it may seem like a real strong issue that nobody else has. I applaud her efforts so far

 

Ace, what you are talking about here seems more about power than relationships. In a relationship (how casual it may be) you do not gain more freedom by having people depend on you at all (I think ).

 

Game playing is what it sounds like to me Ace. I have no time for that kind of nonsense with people in my life.

 

Me neither. I'm not smart enough for them anyway. I hate being manipulated. Why would I do it to someone else? Men aren't toys the same way we women aren't toys.

Lost in a penis? Lol, no I haven't been laid properly in weeks. This guy's game was really slipping. I knew I was going to have to move on soon. It was my decision, so I guess I didn't "lose" him so much as I was just done after a series of disappointments. Plus he seems to want a sometimes-girlfriend, which is kind of bullshit... There's a fine line, I know, but it's a very big difference. It was weird and I let it go on too long. Kind of a defining moment for me, actually, telling him we're done once and for all. I've had this weakness for him, but it's over now. And I'm free and I want to taste my freedom.

I guess I could just start slow and flirt a little. No reason to dive into the deep end right away... But I'm not making promises. If shit happens, shit happens. Mama likes her sugar.

 

Getting lonely was the one thing I really didn't like about living on my own. I found though, that there was always someone to talk to, I just had to find them. Whether it be via text, telephone, in person (going for coffee or a drink with someone) or through the internet. Ahhh, I made some very close, precious internet friends.

 

just lost your fuck buddy?

did you look under the bed?

 

Just get yourself a Rabbit ..

 

Well it's not like you can go to the relationship store and just decide to skip the isle where your future life partner will be . . . all you can do is start meeting people again. I just hope for you that if you do find someone worth sticking with, you don't sabotage yourself by telling yourself that you're just not ready yet. Give it a solid effort, or you're only hurting yourself

 

Sleeping with a guy right away is a surefire way to not get him to like you. When my husband and I got back together, I made him wait 4 weeks before we fucked. It drove him crazy, and he wrapped himself around my finger. And, when we did finally fuck, it was all the more special.

In the past, I made the mistake of sleeping with guys on the first date, and not once did they call me for a second date.

 

IMHO, it should always be about the quality and not the quantity. My wife (who, like me, is in her late 50s) has only fucked two guys her entire life. I was the first and our best friend was the second (about six years into our marriage.) In spite of that low number, she seems pretty happy and satisfied with her life. OTOH, I have female friends who've had well over a hundred sex partners and they seem pretty happy too. If you have a specific reason for wanting more notches in your headboard, that's fine and more power to you. But please don't feel like you're necessarily missing out just because you don't feel you've had too few sex partners.

 

Maybe yes, maybe no. A female friend of mine in college was dead set on getting married to a successful college grad with high salary potential. (Can you say "gold digger", boys and girls?) One guy that she met, she thoroughly fucked on their very first date and he ended up marrying her. He didn't become miserable until a few years into the marriage and she caused that once her hooks were well and truly set. If she hadn't been so demanding and such a bitch after the wedding, I think they could have had a happy marriage.

So, I don't think sex on a first date is necessarily a recipe for disaster. That tends to be caused by all the baggage that comes with it.

 

You're correct.

I suppose I should have specified "as a general rule of thumb, in my experience".

 

I never said anything was wrong with you, but all your threads are about your boyfriends or fuck buddies or codependency issues so you put yourself out there and invite opinions, and my opinion is you strike me as the type of girl who has to have a man in your life for validation, whether its a relationship or fuck buddy, which is a type of relationship in and of itself. Look at this thread for example, you just parted ways with your fuck buddy and you're already worried about the next man. Why?

To answer your question, it took me two years of being completely single and free to work through all my issues with men. Yes I was celibate, no I'm not saying you have to be. Those two years were honestly the greatest of my life, I made some beautiful friendships and really developed my own interests. And I was ready by the time the right guy came along.

So yeah, I think you were being sarcastic when you asked how long, but in all seriousness I recommend two years.

 

Seems not right.

I agree :-D

 

I can answer that one for me....it is character, integrity and honesty.....just like with anyone....male or female.

Good looks,sense of fun and a good humor and stuff like that are just icing on the cake....but I do love a good sense of humor and warm smile.

 

Now, I'm a little girl that has never had a boyfriend, so maybe I'm ignorant in asking this, but why can't you have some fucking, watch a movie or do something else in the name of hanging out, and then go home and do your own thing? I always thought the point of such relationships is simply for the labelling, boyfriend and girlfriend or what have you, so that others know to back off and you both know that you can't be having anything on the side. But, other than that you two have your own space and identities within the relationship.
I don't know.

I've experienced many people who go on this journey of sorts for self-development, but as soon as a partner of any kind gives them attention they go with them and put a halt in their journey. Now, I think that is fine. If you're doing something... anything and you take a break from it, who cares? Also, when you come back to whatever you took a break from you're better functioned somehow. I don't know why or how, but you are. However, the thing that gets to me is that when the partner is gone and the interaction ends the person is in a worse condition. I'm not sure why because I've just observed this, but for some reason any kind of process that they had in their self-development is not only sidetracked, but backtracked. Which makes me think that if someone is trying to establish self-development that they might not be able to have the time and energy to also have a partner of any kind. Now, again... like I said I think it's fine to be sidetracked and take a break every now and again. But, this whole becoming worse off, backtracking, and things like that... makes me wonder that maybe it's not the best thing to do. But, for some people being alone isn't all that great for self-development either. And not just because they feel lonely. It's more than loneliness for them.

Overall, like I said in my above post... out of all the things we can do to ourselves just for a quick fix, temporary distraction, etc.... having casual sex I think is at the bottom in terms of a negative aftermath, self-destruction, etc. Unless, you're like a 10 year old or got raped, etc. Sex of any kind, especially the unattached, inhuman, animalistic kind would really screw someone over in those situations, but I don't think that it would be that screwy for someone who is trying to seek some sort of self-development while wanting and being interested in casual sex.

 

There are different people in the world....some just want the casual rubbing of genitals with no commitments.....that is fine, as long as they know that and the person they are having casual sex with knows that....so someone is just not using someone else.

others do not want that. I never did ...i rather do without in that case.

 

I tried the whole waiting thing, but the guys I encounter get whiny. I have heard things from, "If I don't have sex regularly I get very angry" to "I have anxiety and I can't afford medication. so sex is the only way to calm my anxiety." If I hold out more than a few days they never talk to me again, but if I put out they keep contact. I'm not even a good lay, so they don't really need to come back to me, lol. But, they do if I put out.

It's all whatever, though. People are weird.

 

Sometimes being on your own works and sometimes it doesn't. I've observed both kinds of people. So, it really depends on the OP and what works best for her. I've even observed people who can't 'figure it out' with a partner nor on their own.