Journal #32, February 12: Thoughts on getting gangbanged (NSFW)

From time to time I like to describe why I like the thought of being gangbanged. I've done it before, so I'm not about to write much of anything new, though there might be new insights here and there.

Let's start with the fact I'm a bisexual guy in his early 50s who has never done anything with another guy. Absolutely nothing. It took me literally a few decades to accept just any desires for the same sex. Aside from anything homosexual I don't consider myself particularly sexually repressed. But the homosexual thing is a big one. Up until college I never, ever, ever considered I would ever come close to swinging that way. But I did, and for years I didn't know how to handle it. The message came to me through many means and was clear: doing anything with guys is (for me) wrong. (Fortunately I have always tried to be the strongest LGBT ally I could be for others.)

The other relevant fact is I haven't been getting much sexual attention in my life. I'm not the most social person, and my poor social skills have not led me to very many sexual opportunities. This leads to a little frustration. And there's only so much I can do without real human presence.

This is where a gangbang can be a solution.

I imagine myself being the center of attention of a group of horny people, which in itself is a nice feeling. A room full of people, maybe 5, maybe 10, maybe more, all with me firmly on their minds.

Then my clothes come off.

I'm not sure of the better way of this. The guys could take my clothes off, outside of my control and against my reflexive attempts to get them to stop, going along with the theme of them doing what they want with me. Or they could make me take off my own clothes, making me take an active role in ceding my body and my will to the whim and desires of the guys. That might mess with my head a little bit.

Either way the end result would be my nudity. Hands at my side, the guys would see my naked body. They'd see me in a way that would be quite rude or impolite in normal company. I would feel so many eyes on my dick, my ass. I would feel so self conscious as they walk around me while they get to shield themselves with clothing, at least for the time being. For now they would be establishing their dominance and superiority over me while leering, smirking and feeling me up.

Eventually everyone would get naked. I imagine the gangbang would get started on my knees with a dick in my mouth and taunts of "cocksucker" and such, and slaps on my ass from a bare hand or a belt. I would like to see someone take out a marker and write derogatory names all over my body: cocksucker, cum slut, cum dumpster, faggot, fuckmeat, bitch, etc.

Eventually someone would bring out the lube, and you know what that means. What I wouldn't know is after I got lubed up no one would take the time to stretch me out before being penetrated suddenly! All the guys and especially the first guy inside me would take great pleasure in my expression of unanticipated pain.

For most of the rest of the experience I would expect a dick in my mouth and my ass at the same time. For some of the time I would like to be tied up so I lose the ability to move and to move against anything that is done to me. For some of the time I would like to be blindfolded so I lose some of the ability to anticipate what is about to be done to me. For some of the time I want to be gagged so I can't express myself clearly. And for some of the time I would even want to be roofied and be barely conscious at one point while I'm being fucked.

From time to time I also want to be made to admit my place. I'm not a human being with my own will. I'm a sex toy, a thing for these guys to put their dicks in, an object for these guys to enjoy. My sole purpose in life now is to submit to them whenever they say so, and this alone will give me happiness and meaning. They make me repeat this with a convincing tone.

After they are finished with me, hopefully after a weekend, they toss me aside and leave.

And here's the last and maybe most confusing part of the fantasy. I make my way to the shower. With each step I feel the pain in my asshole and the cum dripping out. The water runs. I step in. I sit down in the shower. I look at my body with the words of derision written all over. I taste the cum in my mouth. I feel the pain and moisture in my ass. My whole weekend flashes in front of my eyes. And I cry. Not a tear or two, but heavy weeping. I break down. I spend the next ten minutes or so, again completely naked, water pouring over me, emptying myself emotionally in a way I needed to but probably couldn't before.

My body would have a reminder for about a week, but I imagine the experience would address the two things I brought up before. It would bust open any remaining doors of suppression, and would blast away so much time of not getting any. Gangbangs, I hear, can take a life of their own, and this life would seem to address some parts of my life quite well.

So I really hope to get gangbanged really soon, and as frequently as I can physically and emotionally handle it, and everyone involved has a positive experience even if it never happens exactly as I have described it here.

 

Man, talk about wanting to get your ass handed to you! I've read from other guys who want to be gangbanged to have it done almost exactly the way you want to and, honestly, it makes me cringe because I'm not into any of that stuff; first guy to take a belt to my ass wakes up in the ICU... maybe. I just wonder why so many guys want to be gangbanged and in the same way that you do - I find this so utterly fascinating!

Have you figured out that those messages you mentioned are wrong and the people who created the messages were short-sighted and essentially clueless? I will say that it could break down any remaining doors of suppression between you and sexual freedom, but have you considered that such an experience could scar you for life? I only ask because I happen to know that fantasies don't always work because reality is a motherfucker and a half. Having said all of that, I do hope that you get the living daylights gangbanged out of you and it's everything you ever dreamed and/or thought it would be - make your fantasy your new reality.

 

I admit I wrote this under, um, duress, and my head (both of them) have cooled down since. Writing like that is part of the cooling down process actually. So is reading sobering commentary of others!
I doubt I would ever be able to pull something like this off. For one I'd be scared as hell of STDs! How do you vet a dozen guys, or even five, for that?
Then how long would I have to build up the trust level of every single guy involved, then trust them all together?
I get that you don't want it as rough as I do. I get that others want it even rougher! In theory I might be in the right place, but in practice I might find I could be biting off more than I could chew. Will I find that out for sure, the hard way? Who knows?
It's a hot fantasy, one of my top ones if not the top one, and I hope I do pull it off before I croak, but when I think about it, unfortunately it doesn't sound feasible at least to the extent I describe it.
Thanks for the perspective. My horniness and desperation often get the best of me.

 

All I'm gonna say is that if this is something you really want to do, you'll find a way to make it happen.

 

That sounds reassuring. And frankly a little scary!

 

Well there's different levels of scary: "I might get caught by someone I know" versus "I could die a slow and painful death." I don't see the appeal to the latter. Does anyone else really? Not to get judgy but that doesn't sound like a healthy way to live.

 

I havent ever done it myself.......

 

Been there, done that...but without any part of it painful. Late 70s, early 80s....gay bath house (like there're any other kind, eh?) Five monstrously hung guys, on a slow night. Luckily I had been using my toys frequently or I'd been chewed up and spit out, and not in a good way. It turned out to be the most unbelievable gay sex, I ever had! The prostate massages alone, were enough to drive one right off the cliff. When they had all cum, it felt like I had a pint of hot semen pumped into me! I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case, but I was leaking jism, all the way home.

 

So that's where the name of the burger place comes from lmao! Thanks for sharing your hot story. It sounds like quite an experience.