Journal #28, September 23: "A letter to the first man who has sex with me" series (slightly NSFW)

As a few of you might know, I write a hypothetical letter of sorts to the first man to have sex with me whenever the mood strikes me. Well, the mood is striking me so here I go! Part of the motivation is to blow off some steam. Part of it is to get people to understand me. Part of it honestly is to write a little bit of my brand of erotica. It's a little schmaltzy, just to warn you lol, but it stirs my soul a bit, and it's a record of what I have on my mind currently. And I'm assuming a certain scenario.
Without further ado, here it is:
Dear Daddy:
The journey to this time and place has been so long and difficult. I remember feeling so ashamed, guilty, confused, conflicted when I first started to feel attractions to the same sex. I tried so desperately to deny, suppress and dismiss those feelings, but I couldn't deny they were there. And despite the reticence to have them, they have made me feel open minded, happy, excited, and eager to try something new and exotic. Also, I have to admit I feel good about the sense of rebellion against the baseless and toxic notion that sexual intimacy between two members of the same sex is in any way wrong or in any way inferior (except in the ability to make babies lol) to that between members of the opposite sex. You see, I was never a homophobe. I have and do support the LGB (and T by the way) community. Yet ironically I had difficulty extending that support to myself.. It took so many years for me to accept my bisexuality. Now I can say I can externalize my feelings and invite someone to experience them with me for the first time.
I'm probably such a nervous wreck right now. But I'm also probably so eager. You and I are finally alone. It might be my place. It might be your place. It might be a motel room. Mostly it matters it's you and I and no one else in the room. I'm about to offer you a gift for your eyes: my nudity. It's a symbolic gift. As you know, you don't get naked just anywhere for just anybody. It has to be for a particular circumstance. Here it's a sign I trust you, I offer my body to you and I'm making myself available and vulnerable to you. You do that only for special people.
Take me. Accept me. Embrace me. Savor me. Kiss me passionately. Spend the night making passionate love to me, Daddy. Erode all my homophobic inhibitions and help me embrace, make me feel jubilant and alive about liking guys. Then cuddle me close to you when we're finished. This experience will probably be so overwhelming I'll break down and cry. I'll need your shoulder to cry on. Praise me and assure me I made a wise decision and everything will turn out alright.
After the next morning we might not touch again, or we might not even see each other again. But if we do, introduce me to your friends. Teach me how to pick up guys. Show me to spot when guys might be interested in me. Life is getting shorter for me and there is so much lost time I have to make up for. There are so many homosexual fantasies I have that I want to realize. I want to have many boyfriends, male lovers, male friends with benefits, etc. I want to build up this momentum and have it never stop. I want to have a wild sexual lifestyle.
But I want the beginning with you, Daddy. Whether or not we see each other after that special, memorable, magic night, you and I will wake up in the morning as lovers--same sex lovers. This will be quite the shock to me! But it will also be quite the weight off my back. Our intimacy will be in another light.
And you and I will always have a special bond between each other. You will be my first man. You will be the man who unlocks me and sets me free from unnecessary sexual inhibition. No matter what happens to us, I will always be grateful to you, and I will always love you, Daddy.